Event Paintings by Jim Chapman
Event Paintings by Jim Chapman
Coach Chapman’s Blog
NOTE: This blog is an archived version taken from Brentwood Academy’s website. Due to the nature of the backup, posts are in reverse order.
To read the entire story, click here to scroll to the bottom, and start up from there.
May 22 2019 8:36 AM
Eleven years ago today, my five-year-old niece Maria died. Many of you will recall the tragic driveway accident at the Steven Curtis Chapman residence involving my nephew, Will. It is a day none of us in the Chapman family will ever forget. I remember exactly where I was the moment I got the horrifying phone call from my sister. She was hysterical and the only thing we really understood was that my wife and I and our family needed to get to Vanderbilt immediately. It was about 5:00 in the evening. When we arrived, the hospital staff escorted us to family holding room separate from the general waiting room. That is when we knew it was bad, really bad. As more family and the closest of friends gathered, we knew the forthcoming news was what we all feared, Maria had passed away. The international outpouring of thoughts and prayers, well wishes, and yes, monetary gifts from celebrities, dignitaries, normal people, and fans; was, in a word, phenomenal.
I start with that because here we are, eleven years later. Seems like last week. A bad dream. Through that horrible tragedy, a legacy was born. An organization which was in its infancy, The Show Hope Foundation, bloomed. In Luoyang, China, a big sky-blue building with clouds painted on it (purely by an accidental mis-communication/translation) grew out of the ground and opened its doors to eight little, very sick babies a little over ten years ago. Our little baby, Fahlin, was one of those eight. And yes, irony of ironies…the very hospital where Maria was pronounced DOA, was the very same Vanderbilt that gave Fahlin life.
What a story. Tragic on the front end, hopeful on the back. Where would Fahlin be if there was no Maria’s Big House? All eight of the first eight are with their forever families, but where would those kids be if not for the big sky-blue building? It is bind-bogglingly discombobulating to try to figure out all of the weaving in and out of all the pieces that have fallen together, not by chance, but by divine, sovereign design. What Satan meant as destruction, God has turned into hope. This side of Heaven we will never, ever even come close to understanding the ‘whys?’ of why this happened, or understand how it all ties together, but rest assured, when we do finally arrive in Heaven, I am sure we will go, “Oh, THAT is why? Now, I get it!”
As God prompts and brings them to your minds and hearts, pray for the Chapmans please. For Steven, Mary Beth, Emily, Caleb, Shaoey and Stevey, and especially Will.
April 10, 2019
Apr 15 2019 8:57 AM
It’s time for a new blog post. Fahlin has begun swimming lessons. Now, to be clear, in the Chapman Family, if you are not swimming by age 4, you are basically waaaaaaaay behind. It’s part of life in our family. When you spend your life around water all the time, it is imperative to know how to swim. Period.
Fahlin has been the exception. If you have spent any time reading any of these blogs, you know that physically, she simply could not exert the necessary energy to swim. Her heart wouldn’t allow it. Her body could not do it. She was physically unable to perform. That was then…
…This is now. Fast forward from 2015 to 2019. We began lessons with Coach Amy. Amy Caulkins. Amy is probably the most knowledgeable swim instructor in the world. We go back a long-ways. At one point, she was the American record holder in 100 freestyle, that is until her more famous sister, Tracy Caulkins broke that record only a mere hour after Amy had set it. She swam in the Olympics and was on the inaugural American Women’s Olympic water polo team. AND, she is quite a character! Loud and boisterous, yet loves the sport of swimming and the kids she teaches and coaches.
She loves Fahlin. Lovers her story. Has a compassionate heart for how far she has come and what all she has been through. She gets it. She understand the trepidation on Fahlin’s part. Amy has seen it all, dealt with it all and overcome it all.
So, she is now Fahlin’s swim instructor. Now, mind you, learning to swim at age 10 is much more difficult than learning at a younger age. We are now two lessons in and of course, Fahlin is progressing slowly. I think she can do more, but that’s just because I know how Fahlin can be. It will just take Amy a little time before she figures out Fahlin’s nuances. But for now, the lessons are what they are. Amy is great. Fahlin will learn…
THEN it’s on to summer swim team! Every time we mention it, Fahlin simply rolls her eyes and says, “Ugggh!” Hahaha!
April 1, 2019
Apr 1 2019 9:00 AM
Happy birthday Fahlin! Yes, it is Fahlin’s birthday. She turns 10! The big 1 – 0. It is hard to believe that 10 years ago today, this little girl was born with a heart that would be later diagnosed to be very, very sick. She arrived at Maria’s Big House when she was about 4 months old and was immediately diagnosed with a congenital heart problem. She would have what is called: Complex cyanotic congenital heart defect with truncus arteriosus, pulmonary valve atresia with collateral vessel formation. In other words, Fahlin would not live very long, let alone 10 years. She was immediately placed on the palliative care floor, where she was loved by a very caring staff as they waited for the inevitable to happen.
Yet, she lived to see one. Then two. Then three. She was still purplish-blue. Always had been, still was at that time. Then she turned four, then five.
Then a family in Nashville Tennessee decided she would be theirs. It was a rather large family, full of crazy people. A bald-headed Dad, a Mom who had been praying for this little girl without even knowing her name, four fully grown brothers and sisters and three other sisters also from China. She had no idea what was about to happen, but she longed for a family, and we were it. Haha. Surprise!
Well, here we are, four years and untold numbers of heart echo-cardiograms, a ton of heart catheterizations, and three major open-heart surgeries later and we are now celebrating a little girl’s 10th birthday who once had no hope at any kind of life. Wow! If anyone tells you there is no God or no such thing as a miracle, you tell them you know a family who can show them otherwise. We live with little miracle every day. We see how far she has come. We know who we should thank, and we do every day.
She had her most recent follow-up check-up last week. I will end with this quote from Dr. Janssen (with a smile on his face), “Fahlin, your heart sounds BORING!”
March 5, 2019
Mar 5 2019 12:11 PM
Who is this child?
I am referring to Fahlin, of course. The past month has been quite interesting. Fahlin has changed. Since the surgery over four months ago, we have been watching to see if we would notice any difference with the new heart re-construction. Boy, in the last month, her energy level has just exploded. Either that or we just all of a sudden noticed the difference. She is happy, energetic, helpful, runs up and down the stairs, runs around the house; she’s even doing P.E. in school.
She was acting particularly crazy the other day when I looked at my wife and asked. “Has she all of a sudden gotten new energy?” Our thought is that her body has been adjusting, adjusting, adjusting, trying to figure out how it is going to handle all new oxygen. We think it has finally figured out what to do with it all and it is showing as energy.
We could not have prayed for a better outcome. To borrow a well-used cliché, she literally has a new lease on life. And it shows in everything. Her brain is even exploding. The vocabulary is expanding at an alarming rate (in a good way). She doesn’t get pooped like she used to. She is even going up and down stairs without holding onto anything. She has always been uncertain. Her strength has improved as evidenced by the fact that she can carry heavier things in from the car from the grocery. She has grown two inches since the surgery. Everything is great.
God is good all the time, all the time, God is good.
February 12, 2019
Feb 28 2019 10:45 AM
Our friend, Mariah, who was a nurse at Maria’s Big House was on staff the day Fahlin arrived at Maria’s. She has begun sending us (Fahlin) letters chronicling the journey of Fahlin “Pre-adoption.” Fahlin’s first five years. As we get those I would like to share the highlights with you. The first one we received has insights about her name that we never knew.
Here are some excerpts. The originals letters are written in beautiful handwriting compete with little hearts:
“[Fahlin’s first day]…You, dear one, arrived at our Big House with several other very sick little ones from the orphanage. Each of you wrapped in more than you imagine for that hot summer day. Your head, shaved and bald, was sweaty from the heat, yet you were blue all over, a very tangible measure of the condition of your precious heart…You were assigned to my special unit on the 5th floor…We asked my sister, Melissa to help us with selecting names…As I listened to your heart, checked your oxygen levels, weighed you, counted every finger and toe, measured you from top to bottom, held you close, and examined ever inch of you, she began watching you closely as she flipped through the pages of the baby name book, carefully scanning the lists of names and their meanings…”
[Scripture says in Isaiah: 56:5, “I will give them an everlasting name which will not be cut off.”]
“…Your Chinese name was Xue Fang and so Melissa started with the “F” section of the baby name book, scanning the pages filled with little girl names and their meanings looking for the perfect fit. Suddenly her finger stopped, she looked up at me and smiled, “What about Daughter of the King?” …It was perfect you were the “Daughter of the King.” God had already spoken, He would be your defender, your strength, and your salvation. His mighty hands would direct your path and we would have the joy of watching your grow…”
Anyways, here we go with this new series of blogs.
January 26, 2019
Jan 28 2019 8:30 AM
January 26th. What is so special about this date? Four years ago today we were in Luoyang, China. We were there to get our daughter. This is Fahin’s official “Gotcha Day.” Gotcha day is ‘thing’ among adoptive families. We usually celebrate by going out to eat, or going to some event, or having a little party. Today, however, was a pretty special “Gotcha Day’ for Fahl Fahl. She got to spend the day with her big sister, Abby in Chattanooga.
Let’s step back just a bit. This special day all came about because our twelfth-grade daughter, Izzy, had a little Honors College obligation at UTC (University of Tennessee Chattanooga). So, Since Izzy wanted Abby to ride along with her, Abby decided to take Fahlin with her. They made a day of it by going to the Chattanooga Aquarium where Fahlin fell in love with the fish and the penguins. Her favorite fish were the sharks. The penguins were hands down her favorite, however. Of course, if you ever saw and of the Penguins of Madagascar movies, you know why they are everyone’s favorites.
“Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave!”
In case you’re wondering, I was at the middle school regional swim meet downtown watching two more of my daughter’s swim, while my wife was at work. Sometimes, we find it difficult to be four places at once, believe it or not. We’ve tried…it just doesn’t happen.
By the way, she HATED the butterflies. She hates bugs anyway, but she apparently fails to see the beauty of those little winged creatures. She closed her eyes, held Abby’s hand and ran through the butterfly room as fast as she could. [Side note here, she runs like C3P0]
After the aquarium, they had lunch at Champies then took in Mary Poppins for the second time. By the time Izzy’s festivities ended and they headed for home, she was exhausted, felt terrible and had trouble relaxing on the way home. When they finally arrived back home around 8:00, she climbed up on the couch and didn’t move. Four years ago, in her condition, we could never have even attempted a trip like that. Her little body could barely walk up a flight of stairs. My, how far has come (understatement of the century).
She ended the day in our bed, plopped right smack between Yolanda and myself. I guess compared to where she came from; scared, sick, alone, it must have felt like a pretty safe place to be. It didn’t take her long to pass out, asleep…ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
January 20, 2019
Jan 20 2019 4:07 PM
With Fahlin’s surgery behind us, the holidays in the rear-view mirror, and life sort of getting back to what we know as normal, it is hard to find things to blog about. So now I look for small things. Or, I wait for things to ‘happen’ like today. We go out to get in the car after church and the left rear tire has completely fallen off the rim while we were in church. What is that? How did that even happen? There is not even a hole! I changed the tire, but now, you know, that makes our next couple of days more difficult as we deal with that. When we get to the neighborhood, our car loses power, sputters up the hill, lights start blinking and it tell us, ‘reduced engine power, check traction control monitor, and blah, blah, blah…research tells us it the throttle body and there is a recall. Just what I need.
I guess the entire point of all of this it to keep us on our toes. Just when everything is going smoothly, something happens. Always does, it seems always will. Is it ok if I interject here? PLEASE STOP! Enough already!
On top of that, it causes great irritation. Then, my girls, Jayne and Fahlin start in, “Way to go Dad!”
“I did not do anything!”
Now I’m taking deep breaths while I type, calming down, and realizing there’s nothing we can do today, so why worry about it now? Tomorrow we have a day off. Perhaps we will get it taken care of then. Perhaps. But you all know how that goes, nothing is as easy as it should be when it comes to car repairs.
So much for reflecting on where we were just five months ago compared to now. So much for normal. So much for relaxing and taking it easy for a while. I only hope it’s an easy fix. Oh, and I hope the tire is under warranty. And…
I guess I will watch football for now!
January 9, 2019
Jan 11 2019 8:24 AM
Let’s write a blog. About Fahlin. Post Christmas. Post Holidays. She’s watching me type, “You’re doing another blog?”
“Yes.”
She thinks I’m crazy. I might actually be…and it’s probably all her fault anyway. Everything she’s been through has a way of making parents crazy.
“Meow,” she says, getting into Sasha character mode. “Prrrrrrrrrrrrr,” she follows. Do you suppose she needs counseling? Perhaps. Maybe we all do?
As my wife and I reflected last night on life, love, family and our own mental health, we talked about everything we’ve been through. From being run out of a small town (super long story involving my basketball coaching career), to moving to Nashville while pregnant with child number two, signing a record deal, losing the record deal (another super long story which includes losing to Lone Star at the ACM’s for new group of the year) to where we are
now (another long story, part of which involves all these adopted children we have) has been actually, quite a ride. One we should be proud of. We’ve lived life. We took risks (most of which involved my career with my supportive wife by my side). We’ve raised great kids. We now have the three cutest grandbabies on the planet.
And yet we are weary. But I think that’s part of the grand scheme. My wife is awesome. She has been the rock, always has, always will. We will run here, run there, pick up here, pick up there. I think what tires us out is that by the time we get to our eighth kids, we are exhausted (that’s why I work out, got to in order to have the energy). The Bible never promises us ‘ease and comfort.’ But yet it does promise us crowns, blessings, mansions. I’ll take that! It just takes us a while to get there.
“Fahlin, do you have anything to add?”
“Grrr, grrr, prrr, grrr,” she says.
I think that means, the end…
December 26, 2018
Jan 3 2019 11:01 AM
The day after Christmas. I waited ‘til today because I wanted to take it all in yesterday. The excitement level at our house was higher than usual. Our annual Christmas Eve party for our way-word Nashville transplants which has been going on for 28 years was once again a huge success. As an aside, the group is comprised of families who came to Nashville around the same time we did, all in search of some sort of success in the music business (not everyone, but a large majority), all of whom have experienced one level or another of said success or who have gone back to civilian lives at some point. The rule is once invited, the invitation stands for life. I suppose if everyone came who has ever been invited over the years, including kids and now grandkids, we would have 300 people in our house. But lives change, and families grow up and people move on, but still, the invite stands forever. There are times we won’t see people for three or four years, then all of a sudden, there they are, knocking on our door and renewing old acquaintances. I miss people. Anyway, the excitement level began at the party.
Fahlin was beside herself excited. She couldn’t go to sleep. We couldn’t let her in our bed that night because the girts are all in our room. I tell her I’m Santa Claus, but she refuses to believe. Hilarious. She finally nodded off around midnight. So, my crew of elves sprang into action. The gifts were under the tree in no time. There was barely any room left in the living through which to walk.
5:05 AM. Fahlin is awake! Just standing there looking at me. She knew Mom would get up, but Dad, well Dad would. It was good. She actually cuddled with me as she stared at all the presents. A rare treat. We cooked the casserole for everyone. Her brother Canaan, my second son, had been driving though the night with their little girl from Dallas and pulled in our driveway at 5:30…AM that is. They said hi and went to bed for a couple of hours. Fahlin could not stand it she couldn’t stop smiling. “When’s everyone getting up?” She would ask repeatedly.
I love the calm before the storm, when everything looks so beautiful, undisturbed, peaceful. Our tree with all 2200 lights was beautifully decorated thanks to our daughter Abby. We faced timed our eldest son in DC. They stayed home this Christmas because Natalie, our Daughter-in-Law just gave birth to their first on the 17th. That alone is great Christmas gift. Anyway, as the kids tore into their gifts, the fun began and as I type, still has not abated.
I love Christmas. This Christmas was the best ever because we have gotten to celebrate with Fahlin for the third time when we told we may even celebrate one with her. How far she has come. How miraculous her journey. How wonderful Christmas this year is…
December 18, 2018
Dec 19 2018 11:48 AM
One week away from Christmas. I am pretty sure this Christmas will be the most special, yet bittersweet of all. People ask me all the time what our plans for Christmas are. Well, we aren’t going anywhere…well, at least not all of us. Our oldest son, Jordan and his wife Natalie just had their first child yesterday, a little girl named Eleanor Beatrice. My wife flew to D.C. this morning to spend four days with the baby, and my son and his wife Natalie too, of course. Haha. I am home taking care of the family and besides, two of our children still have school for a couple more days. Fahlin even has a little Christmas concert Thursday.
Speaking of Fahlin, how can we not have a great Christmas? Are you kidding me? Little Miss Miracle is alive and well! How can Christmas not mean more now than at any other time in our family’s life? I remember it was about six years ago it was quite the opposite of Christmas’s. Yolanda’s father passed away on Christmas eve. So, you can see what I mean when I say Christmas is bittersweet.
Our other son, Canaan, and his family will be in on Christmas day, Bethany comes in in a couple of hours in fact. We’ll also hang out with my sister’s side of the family after Christmas when they get back. So, as you can see, our Christmas plans are just as confusing and complicated as pretty much everyone else’s. That’s part of the excitement of it all. The anticipation, the presents and little kids running around everywhere.
I guess what I am trying to say is this: We are blessed. Blessed with a little girl who was not supposed to with us yet, here she is. With all the other plans we have going on, Fahlin is the cherry on top of the Christmas pie. She is the star that tops on the tree. She is the famous Fahlin (she does not like that moniker). She is definitely a Christmas miracle.
December 10, 2018
Dec 19 2018 11:47 AM
I was in our school’s chapel service yesterday and friend of mine, Rian Berger, spiritual life director at Brentwood Academy was speaking and he said something very interesting that caught my ear, “God’s greatest gifts are often wrapped in difficulty.” He went on to talk about how “acts of God” are often associated with hurricanes, tornadoes, volcano eruptions, and calamities of all kinds, yet, we forget that beautiful sunsets, picturesque snow-covered mountains and the miracle of birth are all also “acts of God.”
How true. My thought is how awesome is God? How real is God? Well, if He does indeed give us our greatest gifts while wrapped in difficulty, I live with one of those gifts. Her name is Fahlin. Her life would qualify as ‘difficult.’ Her story began as potential hopelessness but now is nothing short of miraculous.
Out of the ashes of the tragedy that was the death of my five-year-old niece Maria, rose a six-story building painted sky blue with white clouds and is now home to nearly 120 orphans and the flagship to a network of care centers housing several hundred. Fahlin is one of those whose personal story, though tragic, has taken flight and is now impacting lives everywhere. There are literally millions of people who know of Fahlin and her journey, thanks in part to the millions of followers her aunt and uncle have on social media. She is a gift. She was wrapped in difficulty. Our family experienced the difficulty with her. And now here she is.
She started back to school today. No restrictions. No physical limitations. Nothing, all new territory for her. School will be much different for her now. We know this is just another page, another chapter in story her life is writing. There’s a part of me that has a sneaking suspicion she will one day embrace her story and share it with world. How? When? No one knows. But one day…
…a gift from difficulty.
November 27, 2018
Phil Goodman
Dec 3 2018 6:05 AM
The following is “Fahlin’s Memoirs,” as she calls them. These are her words and thoughts. I have typed them exactly as she typed them on her iPad, including punctuation, spacing and everything else. Used by permission. Prepare to cry.
The following is “Fahlin’s Memoirs,” as she calls them. These are her words and thoughts. I have typed them exactly as she typed them on her iPad, including punctuation, spacing and everything else. Used by permission. Prepare to cry.
Chapter 1
About my heart surgerys
Hi I’m Fahlin my life has been stressful for me all my life I’ve had 3 surgerys I had one when I was 6 years old, and two when I was 9 the last one is because in my heart there was a hole. When my surgeon did my second surgery he saw it and thought it would be fine to leave it instead of closing it, but when he did my second surgery he saw it was getting bigger so he thought he needs to close it before it got even bigger so I had another surgery.
Chapter 2
Meet my family
I have 5 sisters that are 27, 25, 17, 14, and 12, 2 sister in laws that are 30 and 30, 2 brothers that are 31 and 29, 1 brother in law that is 30, and a niece that is almost, 2 a nephew that is 3 and a niece on the way. My parents have 8 kids ( that’s a lot ) my sisters and sister in laws names are Bethany, Abby, Izzy, Lydia, Jayne, Ami and Natalie. My sister Abby and I are best friends sometimes we fight even though were sister friends. My brothers and brother in law’s names are Jordan, Canaan and Adam. My favorite brother is Adam. My nephew’s name is Nash he is a little crazy whenever me and my sister play or do something he’ll want to do it to and he can sometimes be grumpy. My niece’s name is Millie she’s so cute and she likes to watch lots of movies she likes Netflix. My parents names are Yolanda and Jim they both lived in Ohio. My mom is always with me when I am in the hospital. My Dad works so hard for us he tries to care for us but sometimes it’s just hard for him.
Chapter 3
About my stuffed animals
I have lots of stuffed animals but I don’t play with them my two main stuffed animals are a Siberian Ttger ( snow tiger ) and a brown dog. My brown dog (named Fluffy)I got it last Christmas I was only 8 years old. She was my favorite I would take it mostly everywhere I wanted to, then my Siberian tiger ( named Sasha) came along and my aunt bought me Sasha when I was doing my last surgery so I used it at my 3rd heart surgery. My brow dog is brown and tan and my Siberian snow tiger is gray and white. Both of them are very soft. Sasha has a very long tail and Fluffy has a very short tail.
Chapter 4
About my family
Jordan’s wife is name Natalie there about to have a baby girl. Natalie is a teacher and Jordan is a lobbyist he makes a lot of money. Canaan’s wife’s name is Ami they have a daughter named Millie. Canaan’s job is a youth minister and Ami’s job is administrative assistant. Bethany’s husband’s name is Adam they have a son his named Nash he can be a little grumpy and stubborn. Adam works at an airport whenever someone is getting on a plane he helps he and has all the imformation. Bethany sews all the time she makes quilts, blankets, and clothes. Bethany stays at home with Nash. Abby nannies and coaches she coaches at BA ( which stands for Brentwood Academy ) and at excel aquatics. She nannies a family that swims for the Nolensville hurricanes swim team. Izzy goes to BA with my dad. She’s a senior she works really hard she gets stuck sometimes school is really hard for her she tries really hard to do it. In a month she goes to college she got into 2 or 3 colleges. She works at a swim shop all day. Lydia goes to BA with my Dad and Izzy. Lydia works at the concession stand at BA she also makes a lot of money. Jayne goes to curry ingram Academy she has compute and paper for homework.
…can you say processing?
November 13, 2018
Nov 13 2018 9:11 AM
As promised, a brief recap of the events of the past three months, in bullet point fashion. My dates may not be exact, but they are close. It’s the re-cap that counts:
· If you’ll recall, the original surgery was scheduled for mid-August. It was pushed back three times (in order to save the lives of three other babies)
· Finally, surgery happened the last week of August
· After repairing a large hole in the ventricles, constructing a new pulmonary arch, putting in a new valve and bundling a bunch of small arteries into two larger arteries, the surgery was deemed a success. A small hole was not surgically repaired and was expected to close on its own.
· She was in the hospital a total of eight days
· During a follow-up echo-cardiogram, high pressures within the heart were discovered and the hole that was to have closed on its own had become larger
November 10, 2018
Nov 12 2018 9:15 AM
FAHLIN IS HOME!
Details coming in the next few blogs. For now, I just want to cry tears of joy and rest.
November 9, 2018
Nov 9 2018 8:57 AM
I saw Fahlin last night at the hospital. She was smiling, happy, eating, walking around, and basically almost back to being herself. She is also sad that she has to remain here for THREE MORE DAYS. There is only one IV line left to remove. Her O2 level is 95-100 without oxygen support. Did I mention she is dad that has to be here THREE MORE DAYS?
My wife has been a stud. 24/7. Sleeping on an uncomfortable couch night after night. Getting awaken by the nursing staff at all hours. Helping Fahlin through the recovery time. This has been hard on her. I can see it in her eyes. You know it’s hard when she actually even misses her husband.
As for her husband, he has finally reached the end of his rope. Thankfully there is not a noose at the end of it. I am tired, edgy, irritable (though I don’t mean to be), and have very little tolerance for whining, complaining and pettiness. When you see what our daughter has had to endure, it gives you an entire new perspective on life. It changes your mentality toward a lot of things. Forgive me if I am snarky. I’m trying my best not to be.
I guess I need sleep. Of course, any of you who are parents know that once you have your first child, sleep is a thing of the past. Multiply that by eight and the definition of sleep changes. Add open heart surgeries (emphasizing plural) for your little girl and the stress level zooms out of control. On top of all of that, our family has not been all together for weeks. It is taking its toll on the girls. They don’t express it, but you know it’s there. We are out of sync.
So here we are. The home stretch.
November 4, 2018
Nov 6 2018 9:58 AM
Here we are, four days out from surgery. Her surgeon and cardio team are ecstatic about the success of her surgery. It appears that the last of her major issues have been dealt with and the prognosis is extremely optimistic. They are saying her new valve will eventually wear out in seven to twelve years (they say that’s an easy fix). Her heart pressure are nearly perfect, not quite, but nearly and she may not need any interventions in the near future. The news is really, really good.
Unfortunately for Fahlin, this recovery has been rough. Not like all the other recoveries. She was in so much pain. It’s not fun to watch your child hurt, to suffer. Two open hearts in twelve weeks has taken its toll on her little body. Meds and fluids have taken awhile to figure out. But the team is very, very familiar Fahlin and her journey. They are doing everything they can to make our little girl comfortable and get the recovery right. The main thing they do not want is a repeat of the last few weeks when we went home and the fluids were not quite under control and we ended up back in the ER and in the hospital for a week.
Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling. My wise brother-in-law reminded me that God himself stood by and watched as his son suffered. If he could watch his son bear the sins of the entire history of the world, then He would give me strength to watch my daughter. True, very true. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. I feel so helpless.
As I type this however, it’ almost 8:00 PM and I’m sitting at the hospital, she is showing signs of turning the corner. She’s sitting up, she’s eating, talking, going to the bathroom and occasionally whimpering when something itches, or hurts or simply annoys her. She’s swollen slightly, but all in all, she looks good. She want to home tomorrow. [Sad face here] Sorry sweetie, you still have a ways to go.
“You said only a week,” she says.
To which we respond, “To be clear sweetie, we said a week TO ten days.”
My wife is a trooper as well. 24/7 at the hospital. How hard is that? This is all so hard, but we know we are almost there. I wonder how long it will take to get back to any semblance of normalcy? Wait, normal? Us? The Chapmans? Not possible.
November 1, 2018
Nov 1 2018 7:58 PM
As I sit here next to Fahlin in the ICU (again), I’m looking at the face of a little girl who has been through a lot in the past three months. She has been through a lot in the last three years. In fact, she has been through a lot since she was born. I see the wires, tubes, meds, and monitors. I listen to the noises of a gurgling something and the hum of something else. There’s the sound of air rushing through one of the machines and beeping coming from the monitors.
She is a beautiful little girl. she looks so peaceful, asleep, resting. I cannot help but think back to those earliest images of her in China. She looked so helpless. She looked sick. She was purple. She was not long for this world. Yet, here she is. I’m looking right at her. Alive. Recovering form yet another surgery. She looks so good. Our own little Sleeping Beauty. I can’t wait ‘til she feels good enough to be our own ‘Beast’ from ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ She actually looks angelic. I am in awe of our God who somehow, in his infinite wisdom, orchestrated these supernatural, sovereign tapestries of life that have woven our lives together with her life, together with our doctor’s lives, and the people’s lives who have come alongside her to love and pray for her, all so that she would have a miraculous story to tell. We’ve counted eight times she has been in the ICU since we brought her home. This should be the last for a while.
The prognosis this time is that her new valve will last seven to twelve years before needing it to be replaced. Even then, it can be replaced with a cath procedure, and who knows, in seven to twelve years there may even be some other medical breakthrough that would make the process even less painful. I know this, coming back to the ICU is something I am sure Fahlin does not want to do any time soon.
So, for now, we wait for her to wake up so the process of disconnecting all of this and getting on with life…a fantastic life at that, can begin…yet again.
October 30, 2018
Oct 31 2018 10:38 AM
I do not know what has hit us. The past three months have been emotional to say the least. Do you ever think to yourself, “What in the world is going on?” The past three months and in particular the past two weeks have been nothing but a blur. It seemed as if everything was normal, but complications with her heart cath put an end to normal. Our days seemed to be both fast and slow at the same time.
I just deleted an entire paragraph explaining what exactly was going on but as I looked at it I realized how crazy it was. Too crazy to be believed by anybody, too crazy to be lived by anybody. And it was day after day after day after day after day…
Here on the eve of Fahlin’s third open heart surgery, the second in three months, word do not describe my feelings. I cannot even pray, although I do. I just sit silently and pray for the spirit to intercede because I don’t know the right words. If you asked me or my wife for that matter to describe our feelings, I know I couldn’t. To use my wife’s words, I’ve been ‘weepy’ all day. I know, not very manly, maybe choking back tears would be more accurate. It’s indescribable.
One thing I do know: My wife and I appreciate our friends and family and acquaintances and strangers that keep walking this road with us. You lift us up when we don’t even know what we need. Please be in prayer for Fahlin, her surgeon, her cardiologist, all the other doctors and nurses that will be taking care of her. We couldn’t handle any of this without knowing our Savior is in control.
Isaiah 41:10 is a verse that was given me by a friend just this morning. It is so appropriate: Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Of this I am certain…
October 26, 2018
Oct 26 2018 9:51 AM
So, we went from holding pattern to mow we have a plan. Fahlin was sent home from hospital last night with oxygen. New plan. Surgery next Wednesday, Halloween, 6:00 AM. Since her heart cath complications, her oxygen levels have been dipping at night. While we don’t know everything yet, we suspect through everything we’ve been told, that this next surgery will again be super serious. She will be on by-pass for several hours. This is just what we didn’t want to happen. Yet, here we are.
So now we have this skinny little thing sleeping smack between us while being hooked up to the oxygen machine. I think my wife was looking for a way to get rid of me when she suggested that the machine may be too loud and I might have to find another bed to sleep in. Ha, I fooled her. That machine just purrs along with a gentle hum that actually lulls me to sleep. Operation ‘get rid of Dad’ failed!
Of course, most nights I toss and turn while thinking or dreaming of possible outcomes of Fahlin’s upcoming surgeries. It’s nerve-wracking. While I try my hardest to pray for the greatest possible outcome, my mind takes dark turns sometimes. I hate that. I know that is not where I need to be. It’s scary to think about. I have to remind myself that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord. To quote David A.R. White, from one of his movies, I can’t remember which one exactly, “God is good all the time, all the time God is good.” Yes. I know. I know, I know, I know… [By the way, who is David A.R. White?]
Where is Fahlin right now? Fahlin’s spirits are mostly high. We noticed she had been squinting a lot and asked her about it. Low and behold, she couldn’t see. Wow, she made it all the way to third grade before her parents realized it. Great parenting…again! So, we went to a place that had a lens lab, had her tested, ordered glasses and had them a couple hours. The first thing she said was, “The trees look so realistic!” She smiled all day. She sees new things everyday now. She even asked if she could take them to hospital with her next time. I guess she wants to see all of the machines and monitors she’s hooked up to.
Once again, we are at another ‘taking one moment at a time’ phase on our life. There’s too much to think about to do otherwise. One step, one breath, one thing, one day at a time…
October 22, 2018
Oct 23 2018 8:21 AM
Okay. Today was to have been Fahlin’s third open heart surgery. It was canceled. No date yet. Fahlin is still hanging out at the hospital. What is going on you may ask? We do not know. We are not sure. From what we can glean, Doctor Bichelle has been out of the country. We do know when he is out of the country, he is usually doing mission work in a far-off distant continent. But he apparently has had difficulty getting back and on top of that, has had to deal with a family matter, the details to which we are not privy.
Ugh.
So now we wait. Again. This is something like the eight or nine push backs and/or cancellations. But what can we do? I think we are beyond frustrated to the point of resignation. There is absolutely nothing we can do and since doctor Bichelle is the best at what he does, we have only one option…to wait. And wait we will.
I’s hard on our family. My wife is not home. She is at the hospital. I am holding down the fort, but it not easy to be five places at once. It’s not easy changing plans on a daily basis. It’s not easy running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And seeing Fahlin in a holding pattern is tough. Her spirits are high, however, higher than we have ever seen when she is in a hospital. Of course, it is probably nice for a change not getting poked, prodded, stuck, injected, recovering, being in pain.
I do not want to sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. We are blessed. Our house is warm, people are providing delicious food, there is gas in the car, I still have a job at school heaven, we have our health, Fahlin is alive, she has a great team of doctors and nurses, and above all, the prayers of friends, family, and millions of people from around the world. God is good.
We don’t think they have forgotten about her. They do after all, keep coming in to her room and checking on things. After all, she is the famous Fahlin.
October 20, 2018
Oct 22 2018 8:58 AM
What a week. What we thought was going to be our last visit to Vanderbilt for a while, has turned into a serious ordeal. During Fahlin’s heart cath procedure last week, not only did she begin bleeding during the procedure, they also discovered that her new re-plumbing was causing unusually high pressure in the right side of her heart and that what they once thought was a small hole, is much larger than they thought and is in fact, needing to be closed in order to alleviate the pressure. If the pressure is not relieved, her heart would eventually give out, sooner, rather than later. We assume due to the speed at which this procedure got scheduled, she is need of this operation sooner, rather than later.
Her cath was on Tuesday of this past week. On Wednesday we got the not so good news. On Thursday we got the news that the surgery was going forward on Monday, On Friday, we found out she was first in line. My wife and I have been like this…
[ Stunned silence ]
There have been a couple of dark moments in my life. Moments of extreme emotion brought by extreme life circumstances. Scary moments. Life altering moments that now seem so distant. I’ll keep the details to myself if that’s okay? Ha. But nothing compares to this. The anxiety, the apprehension, the uncertainty feels like trying to breathe in a vacuum. There’s no air. My thoughts are scrambled. So far, I’ve been able to manage everything. I’ve had to turn each day and myself into a walking checklist:
1. Get Jayne to her school √
2. Get myself to school √
3. Teach first period √
4. Run downtown to the hospital second period √
5. Come back and teach 3rd period √
6. Teach 4th period √
7. Coach swim Team √
8. Run the ‘littles’ home √
9. Feed the ‘littles’ √
10. Run downtown to hospital again √
11. Come home and go to bed √
Check, check, check and check. My wife? 24/7 at the hospital with Fahlin. Luckily, this week, the meal train starts back up. That is HUGE!. Food is the last thing I have time to think about until it’s time to feed the children. Did I mention my wife is at the hospital 24/7? Our daughter, Bethany is back in town this week after cutting short their vacation in D.C. in order to come help. Another HUGE help. Thank you!
So here we go again…Monday…
October 17, 2018
Oct 18 2018 9:08 AM
I do not know where to even begin this blog. Yesterday was supposed to be just a simple (not that any medical procedure is really simple) follow-up heart cath to her surgery. A fact-finding mission, if you will, with the possibility of ‘stenting’ any narrowing trouble areas. Easy peasy. We were expecting this to be in-out-home, thank you very much and go on with life.
So much for easy. So much for getting on with life. Fahlin decided to throw everyone a curveball during the procedure. Before the cath was even initiated, she started bleeding into her airways and lungs. They were able to stop it. Doctor Janssen has no idea where it came from. This is the third time this has happened. It only happens during cath procedures, never during her open-heart surgeries. That was only the beginning. He was able to find some trouble spots, but they were located in spots that were no ideal for stents. After the procedure he told us they are in, but not exactly where he wanted them and he is not happy that they are not perfect. This is due mainly to her recent surgery. He discovered a larger hole in her heart wall that they originally thought was a lot smaller which will require surgery to corect. The pressure on one side of heart is higher than he likes. Over time, he says, it cannot be sustained. Of course, there is a whole lot more information to digest, so I will leave it at this: this is not the outcome we had hoped for.
My wife and I troubled by all this news. It looks like ANOTHER open-heart surgery is looming on the horizon.
“I imagine within the next two months,” according to Doctor Janssen.
We thought we out of the wood for a while. We are not. For about the past 24 hours, I have been basically speechless, choked by fear, apprehensive about an uncertain future for Fahlin. My thoughts are jumbled, confused and discombobulated. We, of course are helpless to do anything. I cannot even begin to process the information overload we received. For now, we are simply waiting to see what the meeting of the minds comes up with. The cardiac team is convening on Thursday morning to discuss her situation and formulate a plan going forward. I cannot wait to hear what is decided. We pray for wisdom and discernment. A little clarity wouldn’t hurt, either.
Help us, oh Lord…
October 10, 2018
Oct 11 2018 1:26 PM
Okay. Big sigh. Even though Fahlin’s heart cath looms next week, she actually started back to school today. Yesterday, Yolanda took her by to take her books back and to get reacquainted with her teachers and class and, yes, as you may have surmised, that did not go well. Prior to going, huuuuuge meltdown. So much so that Yo (my pet name for my wonderful wife with the outstanding parenting skills) actually lifted her and carried her out to the car. When she arrived, head was down, no eye contact, fought back both tears and smiles. Thankfully, her first-grade teacher saw her, hugged her and loved on her. That made all the difference.
Fast forward to today. Here is a direct quote from my wife’s text this morning, “…has been dropped off. No tears, smiling a little.” Later in the day, we got a text from her teacher. Fahlin was playing with friends and smiling. Yes, smiling. Kinda what we thought, once she got there she would be okay. When she got off the bus, more smiles. When she got home, a bit grumpy for a few minutes, but a popsicle cured that.
So, between surgery being moved three times eight weeks ago, finally HAVING surgery, recovery, heart cath being rescheduled three times, school starting back, Mom starting back to work, anxiety, post-traumatic stress syndrome, sleeping between two parents every night because someone is all of a sudden afraid of the dark and a general feeling of uncertainty, Fahlin is finally easing back into a life of routine.
You know, as I think about this I realize that it is no wonder I’m exhausted. It doesn’t seem like I am until I stop. STOP. This happens about every three weeks for me. Once I sit down, it’s like a wave of tired-ness hits me. I want to take a nap…I NEVER take naps. They make me feel yucky.
I was reading a devotional about how God places a ‘Mantel’ on us, like Abraham, Peter, even Jesus. Scholars tell us the Mantel was always too big because the Mantel is not designed to fit the person we are, but rather, the person we are to become. I have been chewing on that ever since I read it. I do know this. In our chaotic and uncertain life, God is in control. I know that is somewhat of a Christian cliché, but if there is one thing I have learned in this life is that, cliché or not, God truly is in control. Of the scheduling? Yes. Of surgical outcomes? Yes. Of those ‘God moments? Yes. Of miracles? Yes. Absolutely. Of circumstance? Yes. Of our Mantel? Yes.
October 9, 2018
Oct 10 2018 9:19 AM
A lot has happened since the last blog. I’ve kind of been waiting to see how it plays out. Don’t worry. Fahlin has been doing great. Her recovery could not be going better. What was once a little purple five-year-old whose oxygen levels were 60 on a good day, is now a pink, thriving 4’4” little girl whose oxygen levels now hover around 99.
Her heart cath was originally scheduled for last Tuesday, Oct., 2nd. They called, “we need to move it to Thursday. Okay. We show up Thursday, “Oh no, we meant next Thursday.” My wife was livid. Next Thursday won’t work, her FMLA runs out. That poor, poor scheduling nurse. They called. “Tuesday, Oct 9th, 8:30 AM.” We arrived. We checked in. So far so good. Our Doctor walks out. We were expecting him to tell us what was going to happen today. “We can’t do the procedure today. The Chicken broth you gave her had fat in it and that counts as a meal, so the anesthesiologists do not feel comfortable.” Wait? What? Oh no, this may actually push my wife over the edge. Apparently, chicken broth strained from chicken noodle soup with fat is not okay. Chicken broth from a bouillon cube IS okay. Our mistake.
I have lost count of how many re-schedules we’ve had. Our daughter is already traumatized enough and this just compounds it. Fahlin doesn’t mind. It’s become our tradition that when a procedure is cancelled, we go to Cracker Barrell and she gets a pancake. She loves pancakes. My wife on the other hand is standing on a ledge of a tall building and I am reaching my hand to her to drag her away from the edge. Our brains are scrambled. Life is a whirlwind. Everything seems uncertain, but as people often remind us, God’s timing is best and He knows why things keep getting moved and rearranged. We on the other hand may never know. So, for now, we breathe deeply and exhale. We take one step at a time. One day at a time. So cliché, yet, so very, very true.
We can’t be mad. Our doctor is so cool and gentle. He told us a story of God’s timing. A couple weeks ago he and his wife were traveling to see their daughters at college. Their flights kept getting delayed, and delayed, and delayed until they could not make their connecting flight in Dallas. So, they were put up in nearby hotel where thy ran into an elderly gentleman who asked them if they were the “praying sort.” He told the man they were. The man held up a picture of a little girl who had obviously had heart surgery. She looked familiar. The night before, the little girl’s heart had stopped and a team of doctors rushed to help save the little girl’s life. Our doctor was part of that team and the little girl was this man’s great-granddaughter. Because of the delay, a God ordained moment in time occurred and reminded us all through that story that God’s timing is always best, whether we know why or not.
So now on to next Tuesday, the 16th.
September 27, 2018
Sep 28 2018 8:49 AM
“When you look upon the face of human suffering, you have two choices. You can turn around and walk away or you can stay, reach out and try to ease that suffering. If you choose to stay, be prepared for the breaking of your heart, for tears of sorrow, for the loss of every earthly thing you own, enduring your own suffering and feelings of inadequacy. Be prepared for a time that you feel that you have not an ounce of strength left to carry on. But somehow, you find that strength when you hold on to His hand until the day you hear the words, “Well done good and faithful servant.”” Dr. M. Joyce Hill, MBBS, FRACGP, AM (Excerpt from the forward of her book, Children of Hope, 29 Inspiring Adoption Stories
Wow. I had just read that and thought, wow. Dr. Joyce Hill has been a friend of ours for many years. She and her husband Robin have played a major role in the lives of two of our daughters, Jayne and Fahlin. Their stories, our story have been included in the book. Jayne actually grew up in Hope Foster Home for the first 4 ½ years of her life before we adopted her. Fahlin is from Maria’s Big House, which Robin and Joyce help oversee. How was I to know that obeying a calling on our lives would end up with us walking through exactly what Dr. Joyce talks about in her book’s forward?
I truly just think of myself as a Dad to these two little girls. Looking back, I guess we did have some hard times with both of the girls. Jaynes issues are too numerous to get into right now, in fact, her story would also require a book of its own, I suppose. And Fahlin, well Fahlin’s story is well, pretty overwhelming itself. It too, I suppose should be a book. I guess I should write a bunch of books, but I digress. If a took the time to reflect I’m pretty sure I would be overwhelmed by the events of our lives with these girls the past three or four years. There’s no time for that. The girls need cared for, taken places, fed, driven to school, picked up from school…etc. Who has time to reflect?
Anyway, in reading the stories included in Dr. Joyce’s book, and in re-reading our own story, who are these people who adopted such children in dire need? Were they crazy or obedient? Sane or not? I stopped trying to wrap my head around these things a while ago. I just live. Just pray. Just trust. What else can we do?
Maybe in the next few blogs I will try to reflect a bit…maybe I’ll forget because I’m busy taking care of the girls. Either way, I’ll be interested to hear what I’m thinking because I’m sure I know myself. Just read the first paragraph again and ponder…
September 22, 2018
Sep 22 2018 4:43 PM
As we continue on this journey known as Fahlin’s story, we can’t help being continually reminded that everything that has happened in Fahlin’s life is simply one miracle after another. Our friend, Dr. Joyce Hill, who, along with her husband Robin Hill, founded Hope Foster Home in Beijing and later partnered with the Show Hope Foundation to open five more care centers for serious special needs orphans, has compiled a book, Children of Hope (available on Amazon), which chronicles the stories of nearly 30 children who were born with no hope of survival, no hope of a family, no hope of ever being loved and most importantly, no hope of ever knowing Jesus. These heart-rending stories tell of child after child finding the necessary medical care while in China and eventually finding a forever family, or rather, a forever family finding them, and their stories.
As you know, two of our daughters come from these care centers. Jayne from Beijing, Fahlin from Luoyang (Maria’s Big House of Hope). I mention all of this not just because Joyce and Robin are friends of ours and our girls’ stories happen to be a part of the book, but because Joyce included a picture of Fahlin we had never seen before. We did not know this picture existed. Fahlin was about four months old. The picture got to me. She looked terrible (maybe awful is a better word). I was saddened when I saw it. My heart hurt. We have always known she was one very, very sick little girl, but this image has been seared into my brain. She literally looked like the palliative care baby she was, being made as comfortable as possible until God took her home.
But as mentioned earlier, God was not ready for Fahlin then. He obviously needed her here on Earth so her story of one miracle after another could unfold for the world to see. I guess I am somewhat grateful (I don’t know if that’s the word I’m looking for or not) that I did not know exactly how bad Fahlin’s heart was or in fact, how sick she really was. Yes, we knew death was an imminent possibility, but I guess I didn’t really know that death really was an imminent possibility. Death. She defied the odds while in China and she continues even now to defy them.
I seriously just don’t know what to think. I often find myself shaking my head in disbelief. I find myself staring at her, wondering what she is thinking about. I wonder if even she knows how wonderfully miraculous she really is. We try to explain things, but after all, she is only nine. I watch her, and after being a month removed now from the surgery, I ask myself, what is she feeling? How does she feel, really? She can’t really put in into words, but my guess is ‘different?’ Will she ever truly know how awesome she really is? And what about the people God has put in her life? The nurses? The doctors? The surgeon? The pastors? Our friends? Our family? Her teachers?
Mind continually blown…
September 7, 2018
Sep 11 2018 11:04 AM
Fahlin has been home two days from her second go ‘round in hospital. The hospital is quickly becoming one of her least favorite places. She has lost about six pounds since she’s been home. Yes, that is too much to lose for such a skinny girl. So, let’s start with her day today. She had to return to Vandy today so that she could have X-rays, bloodwork, etc., etc. Stuff she does not enjoy. They adjusted her meds and sent her home. But it was a longer day than she wanted, for sure. They will see her next week again.
But, the good news continues. Her O2 levels are hovering between 94-97. We have even seen 100. Fahlin is a very bright, intelligent little girl, but I think my oldest son, Jordan said it best when he said, “Dad, she’s so smart now, just think how smart she will be once she has oxygen flowing to her brain!” I digress. The other good news is her lungs are clear of fluid. She is on medication to help control that for now.
What is next for Fahlin? Stamina. Doctor’s orders tell us to stay away from crowds. She can’t afford to have some random germ running amuck in her recovering body. No way. But she has to walk. Walk around the neighborhood, perhaps; possibly a trip to the park, she could even walk the mall early in the day when no one is around. Just take it a day at a time.
I know one thing for sure, walking through this with her is exhausting for us parents. I cannot even imagine what she is going through as she recovers. But I will say this, she looks great. Her color is good, her smile is precious, she is talking more, playing more, laughing more. I am so relieved the hard part is over. Well, it seems like it may be over. With hearts you never really know. Yet up to this point, Fahlin continues to defy the odds. We are breathing a bit easier. Each day gets a little better.
As I read back over this blog, I realize that it is not one of my greatest literary works. It seems scattered to me. I’m blaming it on lack of rest since I was banished from my wonderful sleep number bed. If anything, I think ole Dad needs a day to just sleep…Then perhaps my next blog will be a little more eloquent.
Sept. 1, 2018
Jim Chapman
Sep 5 2018 7:31 AM
This is a blog I did not expect to write. Thursday evening, I noticed Fahlin’s face and shoulder area looked bloated. Yolanda noticed she had developed a small cough. We went to bed. The next morning, yesterday, we noticed the swelling had moved to her torso and abdomen. Yolanda put a call into the cardiologist. We were to monitor it throughout the day. It got worse. She gained weight that day. She was weighing more than her pre-operation weight. Very unusual, especially for a little girl who has always been skinny. After another couple of calls and returned calls, the cardiologist told us to get her the emergency room and that they would be expecting her. That was around 4:00 yesterday. Sure enough, X-rays showed her chest was indeed filling with fluid. They caught it early enough that the plan of action only involved an IV line and diuretics to flush out the fluid. I do not know how that works, but that is the plan. She was admitted last night and is now back up on the seventh floor at Vanderbilt.
Fahlin was so upset. When it came time for the IV, she was scared. Always before, she had either been out or sedated when the line was put in. This frightened her. It is an awful feeling knowing there is nothing you can do to ease the fear of uncertainty in your child. The poor nurse missed on his first attempt. OUCH! That only exacerbated the problem. I gave him a hard time. (only a few minutes prior to that he “assured” us he was good and the stats to back it up J) My wife asked for the IV tech expert to be brought in. Poor guy. It was the end of his shift and he ended on a low note. Th IV tech expert brought in her ultrasound gadgets and bingo, bango, bongo, next thing you know IV inserted, crying subsided and we were off to the seventh floor…where…
Fahlin’s mood changed. During the move, I ran to get food. When I returned, she was sitting up, watching one of her favorite shows, smiling and talking. Very strange behavior for Fahl Fahl while in a hospital. Maybe it was the fact that didn’t have a hundred tubes hanging out of her, or that they were poking and prodding all the time. Or maybe she knows that this is only a blip on the radar of recovery. All I know is this, this is not where we wanted to be five days after coming home from the hospital.
We know she is in good hands. We know the plan of treatment. We know the doctors and nurses and support personnel want only the best outcome for Fahlin. We also know that the Great Physician is aware of everything that is going on and that He is in charge of her recovery. Somehow, it seems as if Fahlin knows that. All I know is that she is one tough cookie. And cute too! Get well Fahl Fahl!
So much for our lazy Labor Day weekend plans…
August 27, 2018
Aug 28 2018 2:56 PM
SHE’S HOME! I don’t even know where to begin. The emotions we’ve experienced are indescribable. I can’t even begin to put into words how we feel right now. I’m tired, but my wife spent every minute at the hospital with Fahlin so I know she must be super exhausted. That sleep number is going to feel pretty good tonight, I imagine. I have already found out, I am the odd man out. Princess gets the bed, toad (that’s me), gets wherever. Okay by me!
So, what about Fahlin? How is she doing you may be wondering? We are too. She’s quiet. She will answer questions, but is still not very talkative. She hurts. You can just tell (wish I could take that pain away for her). I asked, “Are you glad to be home?” Head nodded yes. For right now, she is just sitting on the big pillow comforter on the couch, next to Mom. I just look at her think “Awwww.”
Before we left, the cardiologist on duty (not our regular doctor, but a partner) was talking with several other doctors and technicians. Of course, none of it made much sense to me so I asked her what all of that meant. She said, “It’s a process…” What that means is that Fahlin has a lot of healing to do. How her body reacts to the new plumbing is all yet to be determined, and although good to this point, apparently there is still much to glean from this process. That’s just great! More stuff to worry about.
Poor thing. She is just not herself. I understand for sure. My wife keeps telling me to treat her like normal. Well, how in the heck am I supposed to do that? I want to watch her. I want to hover. I want to make her comfortable. I want to ease her pain. I want to help. “But Jim, you’re in the way.” Hey, I’m just trying to be the best Dad I can be for Fahlin. I had no choice but to relocate for the foreseeable future. I’ll try the spare bed in the girls’ room for a while, then maybe the couch, then who knows, I may even strap up the ole hammock. Who knows? If in the future I ever make it back to my own bed, I may write a blog about it.
For now, she needs to heal. Just hang out at the house and heal. We can’t be around crowds of people, can’t travel, can’t do a whole lot. Just rest and heal. And drink water. And eat. And gain strength. And rest. And put a few of those pounds she lost in the hospital. And rest. And heal some more.
Welcome home Fahl Fahl!
August 25, 2018
Aug 26 2018 9:38 AM
So here I am, sitting here, staring at a beautiful little girl whose name happens to be Fahlin. This is day six, Saturday. Yesterday was a bit stressful. A second, smaller chest tube had to be inserted yesterday. Fluid had been gradually filling the lower right chest area putting undue pressure on her lung. The tube did the trick and today, Fahlin is a new creature. She was sitting up, smiling of all things. The larger of the two chest tubes was removed this morning (that had to feel better). Her oxygen was removed. She’s on the homestretch and her demeanor has changed remarkably.
As I sit here, I watch her monitor. Heart rate mid 120s, Oxygen levels 90-94. The inconceivable has happened. Nine years ago, as a four-month-old, she was delivered to Maria’s Big House of Hope; a last gasp at care for a very sick baby. She was diagnosed with a terminal heart condition and moved immediately to palliative care on the fifth floor. The prognosis was bleak. Day after day she was loved on by the fine people at Maria’s. While that didn’t change her long-term outlook, she started growing and surviving. Her little heart began to grasp at any possible oxygen source it could. And somehow, it worked well enough to keep her alive. She was purple. As she continued to grow, she was moved to the lower floors where, as a three, four, and five-year-old, she helped care for other smaller sick babies.
As you may remember, Fahlin was one of the original eight babies that found their way to Maria’s when Maria’s first opened some nine years ago. One by one Fahlin watched as each of her seven friends were adopted to their forever families. She longed for a family. Because of the seriousness of her condition, she was not permitted to be placed on any adoption lists. She was ‘unadoptable.’
Let’s fast forward a bit, through a series of miraculous, divine events, Fahlin became ours (on loan from God, of course). Maybe I should write a book? Anyway, I think back to those first few days in China. While she was fulfilling her life’s dream of getting a family, she was also a very sick, frightened, little girl who did not quite know what was happening to her. We were tasked with making her life as happy as possible; to give her the greatest family any kid could ever have. Why? She wouldn’t make it to Christmas of that year (it was February).
The plane flight, we would later find, was dangerous. She literally could have died en-route to the states. Fast forward a bit again. A glimmer of hope showed up in her first heart catheterization. She had one pulmonary artery that was barely functioning, but it was salvageable. One of her lungs was not even supplying any oxygen to her body at all. A shunt to that lung began the process of supplying blood to the area which promoted the growth of blood vessels throughout the lung in an effort to eventually handle a new blood flow. The cardiac team developed a plan of treatment which culminated with this procedure, a full repair of her heart. Sounds simple, it wasn’t. in fact, it was even a surgery that no one ever does, because her heart is so unique. One in seven billion. This process was three years in the making.
We have gone from zero hope to now. When we first heard of Dr. Bichelle’s plan for a full repair, he simply told us that our daughter was going to live a long happy life. That was three years ago and has truly been the underlying driving force behind every decision that has been made. This little girl who been the topic of many conversations at Vanderbilt University these past three years is now the topic of a huge success story not only being told throughout the halls of the children’s hospital, but is being lived out in front of everyone’s eyes. I am in awe of the skill it took to do this surgery. I am impressed with every level of care Fahlin has had along the way. And to me, it seems as if there is an underlying current that something special did indeed occur this week at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital.
So, I sit here, looking a peaceful sleeping Fahlin. A little girl who has gone from zero to 100 in three short years. No hope to the hope of long life. So why are those numbers so important I mentioned earlier? When she arrived, oxygen level was 60…on a good day. Today, right now, I’m staring at 93. Her heart is purring along, the newly reconstructed ventricle and new valve seem to be doing a bang-up job. Something special? You bet. I’m staring at right this moment.
August 20, 2018
Aug 21 2018 8:33 AM
Today was the long-awaited surgery. The full repair. Our day started at 4:00 AM, well, 4:30 for me. We got up, got Fahlin up, loaded up the Suburban and headed to the hospital at 5:01 AM. Fahlin was quiet. We were checked in and headed back to the surgical waiting room where she changed into her gown, chilled a bit and then welcomed the onslaught of nurses, anesthesiologists, more nurses, nurse anesthetists, and finally, Dr. Bichelle himself. After apologizing about the many re-scheduled dates and telling us that there were several babies who were thankful because of that, he walked us through the procedure again and made it sound as if it would be a walk in the park.
They took her to the operating room at 7:20. From that point on, we only heard updates from the O.R. about every 90 minutes. The first came at 9:00. Dr. Bichelle had begun. She went on bypass a little before 10:30. The next three updates were, “Things are going well, Dr. Bichelle is doing his thing.” Finally, around 3:00 PM they told us they were about to begin warming her body and testing the pressures in her heart to see if it could withstand the new plumbing. It could. They closed her up around 4:30 PM. Dr. Bichelle came out to waiting room, carrying Fahlin’s heart (the 3D model, not the real thing), we were the only family left at this point, and sat down. He remarked, “It’s still daylight.” He went on to tell us how well everything went and despite being on by-pass for approximately five of the seven and a half hours, he was able to do the complete repair. We would later find out from a little bird who was privy to the entire day’s proceedings that Dr. Bichelle was extremely pleased with the operation, was actually ecstatic by his standards. She said, er, I mean the little bird said he never does that. So, that must be a good sign.
Throughout the day friends, family, co-workers and more friends stopped by bearing gifts of snacks, food, lunch among other things. We were so grateful. Prayers were being lifted by literally millions of people all over the world. And today, the entire surgical team just got swept up in the miracle, according to my sister. The miracle continues. The little girl who once had zero chance of survival is now in an ICU recovery room with another new lease on life.
We had to wait another three hours before we could finally see her in the ICU. It was emotional. To see her there, asleep and resting peacefully, hooked up to a million gadgets was a lot to take in. I love that little girl. She was so brave this morning and now twelve hours later, she has a newly re-constructed heart.
We quote Jeremiah a lot, but today it seems appropriate again: 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” She has more of a future now. Was it a long day? Oh yes. It was worth it.
August 18, 2018
Aug 18 2018 8:47 PM
Third time’s a charm. We hope. After being scheduled and re-scheduled three times, Monday is the day. This past week started out with the epic disappointment of having Fahlin’s surgery delayed and the emotional trauma that went with that, but as it progressed, the ‘attempted’ normalcy at trying to the do the day to day stuff just seemed weird. Everything has been foggy. My thoughts are scattered everywhere from trying to get all the beginning of school things accomplished to trying to remember what has to be done next, or where I have to be next, or even who do I have to pick up next and where do I go after that?
Fahlin, on the other hand still has not started school. We simply can’t risk it. Yolanda’s FMLA has already started. We have already had friends reschedule their schedules just so they can help. Others have offered to help in any way they can. The outpouring of care and love has been awesome. Yolanda is a wreck, emotionally. I’m a wreck emotionally. The girls are concerned and don’t quite know how to deal with all of this.
And Fahlin…well, Fahlin has spent four days, or should I say nights, in bed with us…obviously scared to death and with no other way to cope. I can’t sleep when she’s with us. She sweats, wiggles, kicks, and hogs the bed…all night long. Who knew such a skinny little thing could take up so much room? It’s okay though, I’m not the one who needs sleep. So, we muddle through the night. My wife and I argue each morning about which one got less sleep, who got kicked the most, and which of us had the most Fahlin body parts poking us in the ribs or back.
So now the nervous emotions have begun creeping back into my life. I’ve gone from being a wreck to seemingly clam on the outside, back to emotional wreck again and now I am once again feeling the emotional knots in my throat and stomach. The reality of Monday’s surgery is back staring us in the face. It is not a good place to be.
And poor Fahlin, once again, the days leading up to the surgery are upon her. We are letting her stay up late, sleep as long as possible (even though we don’t get much), eat a lot of candy, and watch way too much PJ Masks. She will cry for no reason, act like a dog or lion for no reason, purr like a kitten for no reason, get angry over little things for no reason, and yet sit and cuddle with us, also for no reason. But we all know the real reason. She is coping. In her own way, this is how she deals.
AAAAAAHHHHH! We just want it to be over, complete with a full recovery, happy, healthy, with a new lease on life…literally! Please!
August 13, 2018
Aug 13 2018 5:50 PM
The day of the surgery…timeline:
11:00 PM: Fahlin stayed up late
Midnight: No food after midnight
9:00 AM: Cutoff for clear fluids
9:10 AM: Began almost loading up for hospital
9:15 AM: Yo’s phone buzzes…It’s Vanderbilt. Surgery canceled and MOVED to next Monday,
Aug 20th, 5:30 AM
UGH! Alright, enough! That phone call was not a happy moment. How much more of this can our family, our wife, and especially Fahlin take? This is the THIRD date she has had scheduled. This causes so much strife it’s hard to comprehend. We had family coming in town to take care of the homestead and help with logistics for the other girls. The meal train (thank you, by the way) has to re-schedule dates. Friends were in town to lend their support during the surgery and recovery time. What if they have to leave (they do)? Our help and support and help we would have had is leaving. And what about the blood we donated? It will be 20 days old on the surgery date. What now? Yolanda’s FMLA has already kicked in and I now have to schedule a sub and take care of things on my end. On top of that, my niece was taken to the hospital today and my dad is nor doing so well after his hip replacement surgery. Can anything else be piled onto this mess? My wife is at her wits end (I don’t know how much more of this she can take) and even Fahlin herself, all nine years and 53 pounds of her threw up her arms and said as only Fahlin could say, “You know, I just want this to be over…ugh!”
Then she just sobbed. Fahlin’s entire life has been a life of traumatic events. Just think, abandoned at birth (or shortly thereafter), sick and alone. Adopted at 5 ½ to a family of insane people (us), one of whom is bald and scary looking. Near death experience on the plane coming home (so we were informed), heart cath after heart cath, open heart surgery number one, more heart caths and now rescheduled three times. Even at nine years of age she is perceptive enough to know that this is not good. Poor, poor thing. I cannot imagine what she’s thinking.
So, the women got her out of the house today. Lunch, the park, where I met up with the and taught Fahlin how to play Bocce Ball, ice cream and now a trip to Target. What’s for supper? No one knows. That usually means leftovers and fend for yourself (for me anyway). Time now drags on for another week. What do we do? We trudge onward. Business as usual. Busy-ness as usual. And PRAY they don’t change the date AGAIN!!!
August 12, 2018
Aug 12 2018 3:51 PM
The day before. Surgery tomorrow. My wife refuses to talk to me about what I should expect. The only thing she has told me is that this surgery will not be like the first one. Protecting me I suppose. This one is serious. I know! I know! But she doesn’t think I know. I really probably don’t. The first surgery was a simple shunt. Simple. This one her heart will be stopped. She will be on by-pass for two to three hours. Serious stuff. Our doctor makes it sound like just another day at the office for him. Oh wait, it is for him. I suppose there’s no need to mention the fact that she has live about nine years longer than anyone expected (she’s nine).
I don’t know what to expect and she won’t tell me. I’ll just experience it Monday. One excruciating moment after another. My guess is it will be a super long day, an agonizingly slow day…for both of us. Fahl Fahl will be asleep. Her life will be in the hands of a brilliant surgeon, whose hands in turn will be in the hands of the greatest physician of all. Of that, I am confident.
The mood at our house seems normal on the surface. Our three-year-old grandson makes sure of that, but the reality is that there is tension, anxiety, and something else…indescribable. Hard to put into words…at least for me. Fahlin, she just seems normal as well, however, her mood swings tell us otherwise. I know she’s thought about it. As for what she thinks now, it’s hard to say. She can be eloquent when she wants to be, but on this subject, she is pretty much mute.
So tomorrow it is. Surgery at 12:30. Call time 11 AM. It’s Sunday. At church I was getting choked up. Thinking about it. Talking with the children’s pastor, Brad Smith, more choking. Our Sunday school class, more choking back tears. As I type even now, at 12:10 Sunday afternoon, I cannot help but to think about tomorrow. Right now, I want to take each moment as it comes. Maybe I’ll go work out, come back, paint some, get my mind off things.
Fahlin is getting nervous as well. She will seem fine, then the tiniest thing will set her off. She retreats to sulking, not speaking, watery eyes, draws her legs up into a ball, doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. Kinda like what I want to do… As we were driving home, Jayne asked a general question, “if you had three wishes, what would they be?” Immediately I thought that my first wish was that Fahlin would not have to have surgery. I would give anything if she didn’t have to go through this. To be honest, I will be totally transparent and go ahead and say what I’m thinking about tomorrow…
I’m scared.
August 9, 2018
Aug 10 2018 8:34 AM
Today was the day Fahlin was to have had her surgery. Because a couple of seriously sick ‘heart babies’ arrived at Vandy in dire need of surgery, Fahlin’s was pushed back to early Monday morning. Today we got another call; pushed back to later in the same day. While we want to say “UGH,” we’ve got to believe there’s a reason for the schedule changes. Reasons we will never know until eternity.
Fahlin has gotten old enough to figure out that heart surgery is serious. She is also tired of waiting. She does not like hospitals, even though she is a semi-celebrity in the cardiac unit and she is ready for it to be over. She is brave. She knows she will be in the hospital for several days. She knows she will be in pain. She knows she will not be able to move for a while. She knows the food is yucky (why is that, by the way?). She knows it will not be the most fun thing she ever experienced.
My wife on the other hand is over the schedule changes. It is so frustrating. Yet, it is what it is. When the called today, my wife told me she just wanted to cry. Can’t say that I blame her, I did too. The wait is excruciating.
Luckily, I have beginning of school activities and a busy weekend to keep my mind distracted. My mind is so discombobulated I’m afraid I’ll even forget what I am supposed to be doing. I am literally right now running a hundred things through my brain trying to keep them straight. Even while I am typing this blog.
If you should happen to see me wandering around with a lost look on my face, feel free to stop and help me get my thoughts together. Ask me what the heck I’m doing? Don’t ask HOW I’m doing, I may just beak down and cry while I tell you everything is great. I’m just telling you, deep down inside, I am not fine. I will not be fine until Fahl Fahl is being wheeled out of the hospital with her heart functioning like it’s supposed to and the doctors telling us they are confident she will have a full recovery and a long, healthy life.
So again, we wait. It seems like Monday will never come…but, unless the Lord returns between now and then, come it will…
August 8, 2018
Aug 8 2018 1:51 PM
I have hesitated writing this blog for many reasons. We have entered the final countdown to Fahlin’s surgery. Originally her surgery was scheduled for this Thursday, the 9th. Unfortunately, and even fortunately for them, a couple of very sick babies arrived at Vanderbilt whose hearts need Dr. Bichelle’s immediate attention. I understand. Fahlin’s surgery has been pushed to Monday the 13th. Our emotions are on edge, to say the least.
Fahlin is at the age where she understands the severity of the situation, maybe not completely, but at least to the point where she just wants to get it over with and put it behind her. Today is ‘Pre-op’ stuff. Should take anywhere from four to six hours we are told. My wife didn’t seem to want me tagging along but I did anyway. I get it. She says I’m antsy. I’m pretty sure I’m not antsy… maybe nervous is a better word.
Anyway, with school starting back, meetings taking place, paintings to do, appointments to be met, I have enough distraction to take my mind off things for few a minutes but my thoughts always come back to Fahlin. It’s super hard for me not to go the “what ifs?” part of my brain. I think back to Fahlin at one year old; sick, blue, in palliative care in China. I think of our trip three years ago to get her to bring her home; how purple she was and (in hindsight) how dangerous the actual trip home was and how fortunate we are that she survived the flight home. I think of the care she has received at Vanderbilt and I’m overcome with emotion.
So here we are, pre-op at the hospital. Fahlin is in complete shut-down mode, not speaking to anyone, grumpy, scared, nervous. You know your child has been to the hospital too much when she knows the exact position in which to put her body when she gets her echo-cardiogram. She assumes the position. Poor thing. I really, really, wish I could get into her mind for a few minutes. I’m sure it would crush me the emotions she’s experiencing. You can see it on her face. Somber, serious, uncertain. Oh Fahl Fahl, if there was a way for me to bear this for you I would. Any of us would; your brothers, your sisters, your aunts you uncles.
God chose Fahlin for this moment and this burden. She is one strong, courageous little girl. I’m proud of her and scared for her. But a friend of mine, Mark McFerran just emailed and said something very encouraging in his email…that “this is the week God shows up again…”
I pray for that very thing.
July 24, 2018
Jul 25 2018 2:43 PM
So, this is the week we usually go(went) to Florida…but, wouldn’t you know it? Our friends who normally let us use their condo on the beach SOLD IT! Bummer. We will always be grateful for the memories we had in Panama City spending time along the “Redneck Riviera.” [As it’s known to the locals and sung about by Kenny Chesney]
This year, however, this week (our normal Florida week) has turned into our ‘Plan B’ week, which is back to school stuff…Shoes, senior pictures, a college visit, school physicals, and oh by the way, donate blood for Fahlin’s upcoming surgery. Yes, everything we do these days has that ever-present underlying current to it. We cannot get Fahlin’s surgery off our minds. I don’t know if ‘Plan B’ week is any good, but it is a plan nonetheless. We are also shipping Jayne and Lydia off to Tampa on Friday for a week. That should be fun. Izzy has her senior theme verse retreat, which leaves just Fahlin with us. We told her, secretly of course, that we would take her to the Lego Store at Opry Mills (her favorite thing is Legos), and take a trip to Build-A-Bear (she loves stuffed animals as well, especially her Fluffy). She’s excited, and…
…also weirding out a bit. Can’t say that I blame her. She is finally getting old enough to understand that her surgery is serious business. While we try not to talk about it too much, we still feel we the need to prepare her for her hospital stay. And while we don’t tell her all of the possible scenarios, she does know the date and time along with our continued prayers about her well-being. She’s excited about school, yet also knows she will miss the first month or so. She was excited to get her new shoes, but knows she won’t need them for a while. She has wanted to climb in our bed at night more than usual and is holding Fluffy a little tighter these days. I’m sure she is thinking about it, surgery that is.
On top of all of this, my Dad recently came to town, had a hip replacement, zoomed back to Ohio, recovering slowly, which means a quick six-hour trip to Ohio for me. Can there be anything more on our plate? Knock on wood. But what am I doing worrying about my plate when my youngest daughter’s plate is the fullest of all? How can I even think of myself? Fahlin’s surgery is on our minds constantly.
It’s hard to wrap up such a jumbled mess of thoughts. I think of our friend Clint Redwine from Mix 92.9. his daughter Izzy just had heart surgery two days ago. It went well, but unforeseen complications have occurred. She is on a breathing machine and has a collapsed lung. We pray for a full recovery, but this also drives home the seriousness of what awaits. You just never know what’s around the next corner. Ultimately, God knows. I just drive myself crazy trying to figure it all out. I can’t. Never will. She’s in God’s hands…both Clint’s and ours…simple as that.
July 16, 2018
Jul 18 2018 8:22 AM
So, I had the opportunity to sing at the Grand Ole Opry the other night. It is always a fun, great experience. But, before we left I asked Fahlly, “You wanna go to the Grand Ole Opry with Daddy and Mommy?”
“No”
“But Fahlin, it’s the Grand Ole Opry! It’s the most famous place in Nashville.” I explained. “Well, too bad, you have to go anyway.”
What she did not know was that our friends Mikey and Rebecca Shook were in town from China. We were going to visit them on the way to the Opry House. They actually live at New Hope Foster Home in Beijing and Rebecca was actually Fahlin’s pre-school teacher at Maria’s in Luoyang for a time. They were and still are rather fond of Fahlin. In fact, one of their favorite pictures of theirs is one of them with Fahlin who was wearing a pair of pink starshaped sunglasses when she was about three years old. The entire visit was filled with Fahlin stories. They couldn’t get over how good she looks. Of course, Fahlin went into full ‘shy’ mode. She is still not very comfortable talking about, thinking about or even remembering about her time in China. Mikey and Rebecca totally understood.
Anyway, the entire time we were there I kept choking back tears. Mikey is a superstar in my eyes. Many years ago, he left a great job in California and moved to China with no job prospect whatsoever and by chance (we know it wasn’t just by chance), and landed in the front yard of New Hope Foster Home. He has been there in one capacity or another ever since, caring for and advocating for these ‘least of these’ children. He met his wife in China, at Maria’s Big House of Hope, no less. She worked there as the pre-school teacher, as mentioned earlier. They are both fluent in Chinese, not the easiest language to learn, by the way. Just knowing they were so close to Fahlin and the fact that they know her so well means a lot to my wife and I. As we said our goodbyes, we shed a few tears.
When you know the people who are in the trenches on the mission field and see the fruit of their labor of love; a little girl who shouldn’t be alive, living in our house, thriving (relatively speaking), because she was loved by so many people, it humbles us to know how well she was cared for. And while Fahlin’s path has been set before her, the seriousness and uncertainty of that path continues to force us to our knees.
So off to the Opry we went. I was singing with my two brothers-in-law, Herbie Chapman, and the more famous one of course, Steven Curtis Chapman. Even though SCC is not a country artist himself, his roots go back to his early bluegrass days with his family and his early years in Nashville working at Opryland (PLEASE, SOMEONE BRING IT BACK!), and the Grand Ole Opry loooooves him. Steve was doing two bluegrass songs. One was and old hymn, Railway to Heaven (I got to sing the second verse, thank you very much) and the other was a bluegrass version of one his huge hit songs, Dive. Every time I sing or have sung at the Opry it is awe inspiring. The history, the old timers, the trailblazers, the lore. It does not get much better than the Opry. Anyway, I opine…
“Fahlin, what did you think of the Grand Ole Opry?” I asked the next day.
“Boring.”
July 11, 2018
Jul 12 2018 9:22 AM
Here we go. New blogs time. As we get closer now to Fahlin’s surgery, which, by the way is August 9th, my emotions are running the full gamut, and my blog will be designed in a way for you to follow Fahlin’s journey leading up to and through the surgery. I cannot imagine what is going through Fahlin’s mind. She is acting weirder than usual. More emotional. Little things affect her that have not bothered her before. She is talking more. She also loves her Kindle. She asks to sleep with us more.
This blog is not starting out so well, but I will continue. We got to see the three-dimensional model that was printed using technology that did not exist three years ago when we brought her home. It was totally cool. When Dr. Bichelle walked us through the procedure using the actual model and showing us exactly what was going to be done, I was totally able to follow along, since I am such a visual learner. Now I understand. I also understand that Fahlin’s heart is a one of a kind as is this surgical procedure.
Our cardiologist told us if his little girl needed this type of surgery, Dr. Bichelle would be the man. I cannot tell you how many times I have thanked God for the world class doctors who live here in Nashville and practice at Vanderbilt Children’s hospital. We are so blessed.
So, as I proceed with these ramblings in the weeks to come, my hope is that I will be able to communicate adequately what we are feeling, what our family is going through as well as share with you the latest musing about Fahlin. For example, she loves acting like a dog. She acts like a dog a lot. She speaks dog. She’s weird, like I said. Maybe even possibly in need of dog-counseling. Anyway, thank you for following along. And please keep Fahlin in your prayers.
June 22, 2018
Jul 12 2018 9:20 AM
A day I was apprehensive about turned out to be a day of great hope. We met with Fahlin’s surgeon, Dr. David Bichelle at Vanderbilt Children’s. I for one, remain totally impressed by the man. He had the 3D model with him. I was VERY COOL, by the way. To see and hold an exact replica of our daughter’s heart is pretty amazing; a technology that didn’t even exist when we brought Fahlin home three years ago, now was an actual sculpture we could hold in our hands.
I, being a both a very visual person and learner, could very easily follow along as Dr. Bichelle took us through the steps he would perform during her next surgery. He carefully explained each step in a way I could actually understand and by having the heart right in front of us made it easier for me in particular to follow along. The most obvious thing is that her heart is backward, reversed, opposite to what it is supposed to be. Her ventricles are fairly normal in size and although he said it was difficult to reach, he was quite confident he could repair the hole and direct the proper blood flow to correct spot in the ventricle. She is totally missing the pulmonary arch, which I could now see perfectly. He explained how he would repair that, then connect that blood flow to the other ventricle. Six Hours. Easy peasy. I am certain it is not as easy as he makes it sound.
One of the highlights of the consultation was when my asked him, “How many of these do you do a year?”
The answer was, “Zero.”
We laughed. He continued, “There are no other hearts like hers. She is unique.”
Fahlin has been the topic of months of conversations and consultations among the cardiac team at Vanderbilt. Her situation is unlike any other. We did find out that had she been born in the states, she would have quickly been diagnosed and treated as a baby and the total repair we are looking at now would have been done at four months.
Anyway, this is just a snippet of the one-hour conversation we had with our doctor. He was kind, thorough, confident and assured us that the time was right for this surgery. My apprehension level is a lot lower that it was. Am I nervous? Most certainly. Am I still processing? Most definitely. The date? TBD. We will let you know.
June 10, 2018
Jun 11 2018 9:13 AM
Now that summer has sort of calmed down a bit, we have seen a side of Fahlin that we haven’t seen hardy at all; the pleasant, cute, smiling, curious, sweet, helpful, happy, and even the “I’m hungry can I have a snack?” Fahlin. Where did this come from? Was it our fantastic parenting skills that finally paid off? I doubt it was that. What I think is that the stress of school, homework, busyness, and constantly being on the go is not there in her life anymore, at least for the summer, and she has responded, albeit unbeknownst to her, with this personality transformation.
When she smiles, her eyes disappear and her face shines. There are two thing that make her laugh or giggle or smile more than anything else. First, being around her family at the dinner table when we are all together, and second, talking about girl stuff, and by girl stuff, I mean…well, you know the gross “girl stuff.” Without going into the gory details, she finds the female physiology fascinating. I, on the other hand have noticed that during a certain time frame of each month, Dad is neither seen nor heard, no matter what else is going on in our house. He does not exist. I am but a mere gargoyle sitting on the mantle of life, high above the world, watching, hoping to one day be heard in my own kingdom. But alas…
And Fahlin finds all of this hilarious. If I could share the conversations I have overheard, you too would laugh hysterically, but, my wife is thanking me in her mind right now as she reads this that I have chosen to bite my tongue, or rather not type the words. Suffice it to say, eventually one of us has to intervened with the famous parents’ words, “Stop, enough please. Girls this is not an appropriate subject. If you have questions or need to know more stuff about…you know what…ask your Mother.”
That usually stops it, along with the Wii or a movie, you know the ole, ‘distract and re-direct’ method of parenting. Then it’s back to funny Fahlin, smiley Fahlin, and even the Fahlin who wants to know, “When is my heart surgery going to be?” Way to keep things in perspective Fahl! By the way, we don’t know yet…
May 30, 2018
Jun 1 2018 11:11 AM
The past eight or nine days since my last blog have been a bit overwhelming. Not because of Nashy visiting, or because of Fahlin’s ups and downs, but because of all the peripherals. Summer swim team started, but a week early, in the afternoons no less, and not because I scheduled it because I wouldn’t have, but that doesn’t matter, it happened. That left no time to do anything else. On top of that, signups were a nightmare, again, not by my doing. And on top of that, there were the graduation parties and actual graduations of both my niece and her school, and those of my school. Again no time left for anything. And on top of that, my youngest biological had been driving our extra car, a car I loved, a car I was proud to have gotten a super great deal on, and what happened? Late Friday night, she rear ended someone on the interstate and totaled it. I am thankful she was not harmed, which allowed me the weekend to angry with her. That caused even more consternation and inconvenience at the highest levels. And that frustration has now dragged on for a few days longer than I would have hoped. But she is alive and safe. Thank God.
Deep breath here. Sorry to unload. I guess I am not alone. What family does not have ‘things?’ What family does not have ‘life issues?’ What family does not appear normal on the outside, but on the inside there is always a bit of uncertainty? What? You don’t? I know you do. We all do. But just about the time I feel overwhelmingly sorry for myself, in walks Fahlin. Walking, talking, laughing, crying miracle. In walks Jayne. Walking, talking, laughing, swimming, crying miracle. In walks Lydia. A little miracle in her own right. And then there is Izzy. Directionally challenged Izzy, but the tiny miracle who is now officially a senior that started this crazy journey of adoption some 16 years ago.
Reality check. Jim, you are blessed, not overwhelmed. You are provided for, not destitute. You have a wonderful, beautiful wife, not some old…okay; I’ll stop there. Your older kids are God’s servants in their everyday lives; their jobs, in their communities. 3rd John verse 4: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. Deep breath. Smile.
May 18, 2018
May 18 2018 9:16 AM
Well, he’s back. The holy terror known as Nash. Nash Potato. Nashanator. Nashy. Nash-ville. Those are some of the nicknames he goes by to us adults. To Fahlin he’s known as “Nash!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “Stop it Nash!” “Ugh, Nash!” “Make him stop, Dad!” And “[Bloodcurdling scream, which I don’t know how to spell!]” Yes, he’s back. And he brings a whole lot of energy with him. Whew.
Now, the first three days have been rather uneventful. In fact, I would say they border on super pleasant, great even. Fahlin and Nash have actually been the best of friends. Best buds, even. They’ve played, read books, played some more, laughed, giggled and been quite hospitable toward each other. I even wondered aloud to my wife, “How long will this last, do you think?”
“We’ll see. It’s twelve days.”
But this evening, I started to see the cookie crumble a bit. We were playing Crazy 8’s when Nash decided it was time to climb on the chair and jump over our card game. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and well, you get the picture. Every time he jumped, she would roll her eyes, let out the obligatory “Ugh,” and mumble under her breath something about “He’s going to mess up all the cards…”
So, the great explosion seems to be coming. Don’t know when, but it’s coming. With Yolanda working this weekend and myself and Izzy and Abby in charge, what could go wrong? Thankfully, Sandy, Nash’s Grandma on his Daddy’s side, is in town and has agreed to take Nash Saturday. That should help.
Nine days and counting.
May 3, 2018
May 9 2018 5:01 PM
Fahlin had yet another procedure today. A CTA. Computed Tomography Angiography. I love big words I don’t understand. A coronary computed tomography angiogram (CTA) uses advanced CT technology, along with intravenous (IV) contrast material (dye), to obtain high-resolution, 3D pictures of the moving heart and great vessels. [Courtesy of the Cleveland Clinic] Then, those images are 3D PRINTED, yes; they make a 3D model of Fahlin’s actual heart. From what we understand, this process is fairly new. And now it’s available to help our daughter.
It’s almost an all day process. When she first arrived at Vanderbilt, they checked her in complete with name badges. After being called back, they hooked her up to a monitor and begin monitoring things like blood pressure, O2 levels, heart rate, etc. Then, in went the IV, never Fahlin’s favorite part, but necessary nonetheless. Then she was wheeled over to adult part of the hospital. Before she was put in the tube, they asked her what colors she would like to see while lying in the tube. “Red, pink and purple,” she said. Those were basically the only words she spoke while at the hospital, other than getting to choose which color of Gatorade to drink afterwards.
In fact, one nurse asked Yolanda if Fahlin was ‘non-verbal.’ “No, she’s very verbal,” responded my wife, “just not here.” She does not talk at the hospital…ever. Apparently today, however, she did smile a lot. The entire actual time spent in the tube was only about ten minutes. The only part of the day Fahlin did not like was when they squirted the dye into her IV. She said it “tasted funny.”
Little girl has been through a lot. I love her braveness. She is pretty chill on the outside, but I’m sure on the inside, as evidenced by her not speaking, there is definitely some turmoil. That behind us, the next time she goes to the hospital, it will get very real. Very, very real. A very serious open-heart surgery awaits. With the new information this 3D model gives the doctors, a plan will be formulated, dates will be set and we will sit down and hear it all. And then I will leave the room overwhelmed by the magnitude of the conversation and the seriousness of Fahlin’s situation. We have had several friends who have had children go through similar surgeries, some with wonderful results and others whose children didn’t make it.
For now, I need not worry about what I cannot control. I am not driving this train, God is and his ace number one passenger is Fahlin. She is in the only set of hands that I would ever want her in, and the only set of hands that matter, God’s.
April 27, 2018
Apr 27 2018 10:22 PM
I have been wondering what to blog about since my last post. I was sitting at the table with the girls eating dinner when it struck me. I should write about yet another quirk Fahl Fahl possesses. It’s a little weird, and somewhat common among adopted children, but a quirk nonetheless.
Fahlin will sometimes leave food stuffed in her cheek when she eats. First of all she is the slowest eater in the history of the world. Second, she is the slowest eater in the history of the world. Oh wait, I mentioned that. It takes her forever to eat. What’s funny is she takes tiny bites and chews them super fast…pause ten minutes…another tiny bite, chew it up real fast…pause ten more minutes…another bite…oh wait, “Swallow the first bite Fahlin before you take another bite…”
And so it goes. Kinda gross if you ask me, but as I mentioned earlier, also kind of common among adopted children. Many times, the kids in orphanages don’t get a lot to eat. Oh they may get three meals a day, but sometimes those may not be very filling. One of our daughters’ favorite foods according to her paperwork was ‘bone soup.” Doesn’t sound like steak and potatoes. Not a three-course meal. “Bone soup.’ So, as a result some kids will sneak a roll, or a cracker or other some such morsel back to there beds for a secret late night snack, out of fear they may not get enough to eat tomorrow. Many kids, after being adopted will still hoard pockets full of food despite having loving parents who give them all the food they want. It happens.
For some reason, Fahlin will stuff her cheek. There have been times when I have discovered a jaw full of sausage an hour after breakfast. “Oooo, gross Fahlin. Spit it out or swallow it, please.” And still now, it’s been three years since she’s been home and just tonight, she did it again. I cannot fathom what could have happened in China to cause a little girl to feel she has to be a squirrel? Makes my heart ache for her, as if it doesn’t already. I have been to Maria’s and I can tell you, the kids eat well. The food is great. So I don’t know. I just do not know.
So, the cheeks live on. Stuffed full of food. “Oooo, gross.”
April 19, 2018
Apr 19 2018 11:10 AM
The new Fahlin? You will recall the acrimonious moments we’ve had with Fahl Fahl. The ups and the downs. The emotional outbursts. The tantrums. The power struggles. Well, the new Fahlin has emerged, and you will never guess how we did it. It was a stroke of genius most certainly. Even though it is early in this grand experiment, it would seem that Yolanda and I have once again solidified ourselves on the Mt. Rushmore of Parenting. How did we do it?
Fahlin had been asking why Jayne, Lydia, Izzy and myself get up so much earlier than her to eat and why we get to have better breakfasts than she has. She followed that up with, “Can I get up with them and eat breakfast with everyone?” So, I said, “sure,” not knowing what the outcome would be.
It started about a week ago with ‘test drive.’ “We will try it, Fahlin, but if you are going to be grumpy and uncooperative, we will not do this again. Understood?”
“Uh huh,” she nodded. The experiment began the next morning. Now mind you, while my wife gets that extra hour of beauty rest (not that she needs it because she is already so beautiful), I fix nice breakfasts for my girls. Plenty of protein, eggs mainly, sometimes fried, sometimes scrambled, sometimes omelets, but always eggs. Then there is always the accompanying whole-wheat toast, sometimes honey cinnamon toast, whole grain bagels, or sometimes the weekly bowl of oatmeal or Cheerios or Wheaties; no junk cereal for us. And then there is always the weekly Pancake Day or even French toast day. I do it up right. Izzy has bought in. Jayne will eat anything. Lydia complains about anything that is not made with 100% sugar or chocolate, and Fahlin, well Fahlin calls herself a ‘foodie’ because she will try anything.
So we got Fahlin up at 5:35. She got dressed, hit the bathroom, and came down all smiles ready for breakfast. I read the Bible like I always do each morning and prayed, and then we ate. She ate. No complaints. Excited. Happy. Who knew? The next day, same result. Next day, same result. Next day, same result. She still goes to bed at the same time, so she’s actually sleeping less, which I thought would make her grumpier, but noooooo, not at all.
So yesterday my wife texted me after she dropped Fahlin off at school. “I like the new Fahlin!” So far, so good. Who knew? Who could have predicted this? Even though we only one week into this grand experiment, I guess it really is time to get that spot ready for us on the Mt. Rushmore of Parenting!
April 15, 2018
Apr 15 2018 6:24 PM
Do you remember a while back when I referred to Fahlin as ‘The Puzzler” due to her prowess as puzzle putter-togetherer? Well, I have officially removed that title from her. Yep, I started a new 500 piece puzzle and was all excited to have some Daddy / daughter time but something unusual happened. Fahlin decided she was not helping with this puzzle. It could have been that she was intimidated by the small sizes of the pieces, or that the number 500 scared her off, or even that the picture looked difficult, but whatever the case, she was not interested.
“C’mon Fahl, let’s do the puzzle,” I would implore to no avail. That was three weeks ago. I have been plugging away at this stupid puzzle, by myself for three weeks. It turned out it was a rather difficult puzzle. The painting was of a French river lined with European styled row houses, townhouses and buildings done in a sort of impressionist style. Every square inch was covered in a plethora of colors. On top of all of that, the pieces were all tiny and were cut very similarly to every other piece. Of course the outside edge pieces were the easiest part. They always are. But there were days when I agonized, sometimes only assembling four pieces.
“C’mon Fahl, help your Dad,” I would implore often, to continued no avail. It is lonely trying to do a puzzle by your self. Some would say peaceful. Others might say relaxing. Others might even say it’s better that binge watching a show on Netflix. I say frustrating. But nevertheless, I plugged away, day after day after day, with no help from my daughter, the former “Puzzler.”
So today, I was finally on the homestretch. The water and the sky. Guess who all of a sudden wanted to help? The former “Puzzler.” But guess what? She came, one piece, looked around for a while and took off, no longer interested. That didn’t take long. So I finally finished it. My daughter Izzy, cold hands and all, jumped in to the last few pieces of sky. Done! Finito! Only took me three weeks. She will probably try to take the credit at some point.
I only have one thing to say to you Fahl Fahl, “Ha, “Puzzler,” take that!!!”
April 9, 2018
Apr 10 2018 8:36 AM
Well, Fahlin has taken up songwriting. I found this out when I noticed the girls were quiet, the house was quiet and well, the house is never quiet; hasn’t been since our eldest was born. She says Jayne helped, but after watching the performance of the song, I was pretty much convinced that Jayne was just ‘in the room.’
I yelled upstairs, “What are you girls doing?” I noticed the door was shut.
The door opened, Fahlin’s head popped out, “We’re writing a song, Dad!”
‘Oh, okay, well, I want to hear it when you’re finished,” I said, expecting this to take a while. Five minutes later, they cane clomping down the stairs.
“We’re done,” they announced.
“What’s the song about?”
“God,” Fahlin responded. “We are writing songs about God because Uncle Steve writes songs about God.”
“He writes a LOT of songs about God, girls. Okay, who is going to sing it for me?”
“I am,” said Fahlin, simultaneously with Jayne’s “Fahlin is.”
I videoed the performance. “Hey, if this song is a good song, we need to send this to Uncle Steve.” She immediately faked acting shy, but she sang it beautifully.
Here are the lyrics:
Help us God, we know you can
Help us God, we know you can
Help us when we need it
You give us strength and power
Everyday oooooooo
God you made the world
And everything that’s in it
And it’s beautiful (It’s beautiful) Fahlin says if it’s in parenthesis, you repeat it…hahah)
I thought it was great. So after she finished singing, we watched the video. “Okay,” I said, “Let’s send it to uncle Steve and Aunt Mary Beth.”
[Note: in case this is the first time you’ve read this blog, Uncle Steve is contemporary Christian recording artist multi-Grammy and Dove award winning singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman and one of the most prolific, if not THE most prolific Christian singer/songwriter of all time.]
It didn’t take long for Aunt Mary Beth to respond first. She said she cried when she heard it. Not long after that, Uncle Steve, who was on the road and getting ready to go stage for one of his shows, also sent a video back to Fahlin telling her how proud he was of her and to keep writing songs about God and Jesus. It so sweet of him to take time out of his hectic schedule to text her back. Fahlin just smiled from ear to ear.
I guess we will see if this grows into a career, after all, ya gotta start somewhere!
April 1, 2018
Apr 2 2018 1:26 PM
Fahlin turns nine today. That’s nine years she was never supposed to have. Nine years of life. When something this miraculous happens I can’t help but wonder what it is the God has in store for this little girl?
“…For I know the plans I have for you…” Jeremiah 27:11
Now that I am progressing up the age the ladder, I look back on my life and wonder, is what has occurred in my life, the plan for my life? Was everything up to this point preparation to parent a bunch of little girls with serious medical needs? I am not quite sure how any of my individual experiences could have possibly been related to anything related to these girls, and Fahlin in particular.
I guess all those stupid things I did as a teenager somehow prepared me? Put it behind me and move on I suppose. Or all those mistakes I made in my 20’s? Put those behind me and move on I suppose? Or all the parenting mistakes I made with our first gaggle of children? Put those behind and move on as well I also suppose? What about all of those nights on the road singing away from my family? Did that help? Somehow I suppose? What about all the coaching I have done? Did that help? And what all the continued (alleged) bonehead things my wife continually points out to me? That all helps?
“…I know the plans I have made for you…” Jeremiah 12:11
I trust that God did indeed weave all of this together. For his master plan to work in connecting our lives, Fahlin’s and mine, God’s hand is deeply involved. How else could two lives come together from so far apart? How else could every roadblock we didn’t know about get broken down? How else could every detail be worked out in order for us to be here at this time with Fahlin?
And what about the medical advances that have happened in just the past nine years Fahlin has been alive? Apparently, two years ago, a 3D model of a patient’s actual heart was not possible, but is now. And who knows how many more advances have helped save Fahlin’s Life? For that matter, what about all of the lives we have crossed paths with in order to get here and all their past life experiences? Our family and extended family, teachers and professors, husbands and wives, pilots who flew us, flight attendants who attended us, the doctors, nurses, techs, receptionists, employers, well, if you try to think of every possible link or connection, you see that this would be never ending. All inter-woven and connected…and we don’t even realize it. The mind-boggling crisscrossing of all of these wires boggles my already boggled mind. Just what I need, a more boggled mind than I already have!
“…For I know the plans I have for you…” Jeremiah 27:11
As I type this, I am sitting across from Fahlin at the table while she puts together her new Lego Friends Playhouse. Have you ever seen how many pieces these things have? And the instruction booklet is more like volume than a booklet. Anyway, as she sings songs from The Greatest Showman and works on her Legos, I stare at her. God’s miracle girl…and I am glad I’m here with her on this journey that will take our family and us to who knows where?
“…For I know the plans I have for you…” Jeremiah 27:11
March 27, 2018
Mar 27 2018 4:58 PM
Spring break! Yay! We hopped into the car and headed to Plano, Texas. My 15 month-old granddaughter is there. Oh, and so is my youngest son Canaan and his wife, Ami…almost forgot.
“BINGO!” I shout as a yellow car drives by. “Game on girls!”
Silence.
“Girls, I said bingo, game on? Aren’t you going to play with me?”
Let me explain. Whenever we travel, we play this game where each person scores points when they are the first to spot a yellow vehicle. Our family has a sliding scoring system. It is as follows:
Yellow car or truck, 1 point
Yellow VW beetle, 2 points
Yellow motorcycle, 3 points
Yellow Hummer, 4 points
Yellow boat or canoe or kayak, 6 points (being pulled, of course)
Yellow tour bus, 10 points
First person to 12 wins
“No!” Came a voice from the back of the Suburban. It was Fahl Fahl.
“What?” I was incredulous, “Not playing! Man oh man….”
A little time passed. “Bingo! I have two!”
“Not playing.”
“Bingo, Hummer, I have six!”
“…Still not playing…”
I smiled. Undaunted, I continued to keep a keen eye out for anything yellow.
“Bingo! I’m winning girls!”
“…Uh, still not playing, Dad.”
“Well, I have seven…Ha!”
All of a sudden, I looked across the median and there it was, sitting there all by itself in a motel parking lot, a huge yellow tour bus with the word, ‘Tornado’ on its side. I couldn’t wait to say, “Bingo…BUS! I win girls! Ten big ones!!!” That made 17 points, by the way, but who’s counting?
“Dad, we don’t care!”
Only nine more hours to go…
March 20, 2018
Mar 20 2018 1:05 PM
Well, we’ve had an interesting week of Fahlin. It seems like a somewhat delayed reaction to her hospital visit, but mean Fahlin has re-emerged. Yes, sometimes our little girl is not who she appears to be. What we think has happened is this: In the hospital, Fahlin has absolutely zero control over anything and everything. She feels powerless to control any aspect of what is going on around her. So, when she gets home, she has to reassert her power, her control if you will, over our household and us. Over her sister, over her Mom and over me…
It comes out of nowhere, triggered by the smallest of things (such as telling her to brush her teeth, or simply Dad saying, “good morning Fahlin”), the most unexpected of things, followed by three hours of ugliness, disrespectful screaming, uncontrollable sobbing, and so on and so forth and so on and so forth and…you get the picture. It’s tough. Tough on us as parents. Tough on our family (the girls have the amazing gift of being able to tune her out, we do not have that luxury).
When we adopted these girls we wondered what we could offer them, what we could learn through this experience, and you know what? There are a lot of things we did not consider. We did not think it all the way through. But you know what else? We couldn’t possibly have weighed EVERY option because there are so many unknowns. It’s different adopting a nine month old compared to a five and a half year old. Regardless of the situation from which our girls came, they come with baggage and while we may not see it at first, it will surface at some point in some way shape or form. But, as parents we are different than we were way back in the first go ‘round with our other children. We have more information at out disposal. Friends who have also adopted. Friends who have been through a lot with their own children. Research. And while all of this helps, we still have to go through it. We still have to deal with it. It sure keeps us on our toes. And then again, sometimes it takes us completely by surprise. We do not know what each day will hold, that is for certain. But to be fair, full disclosure, this is only a fraction of her day, could be 15 minutes, could drag out to three hours, could be nothing happens on any given day, we just never know.
So, what am I babbling on about? Not sure. Not sure if Fahlin is not feeling well. Not sure if she’s still recovering? Not sure if she’s dealing with thoughts of her former life in China. Not sure what’s going on. Just not sure about any of it. We simply remind her she is loved, we care and she is surrounded by people who would do anything to ease her whatever it is that needs eased.
As I type, I shake my head and sigh. And pray. Help us Jesus.
March 11, 2018
Mar 12 2018 8:53 AM
Since our last post we now have new information. So, at the risk of using a little improper grammar, “Where we at?”
Weeellllllllllll, interesting stuff. Our cardiologist called Thursday, or was it Friday? Not sure. Anyway, the next step it appears is for Fahlin to undergo a MRI-like/Cat-scan-esque test that will give the doctors a super unique look at Fahlin’s heart. The information gathered from this test will then be turned into a three-dimensional model of Fahlin’s heart via the use of a 3D printer. They are actually going to PRINT a replica of the actual heart!
Apparently, the ability to hold the actual heart in their hands gives the doctors a unique look into the intricacies of the heart they will actually be working on. I get it. Rather than pictures to go from, the doctors can now hold the heart in their hand; turn it, look at it, study it in ways never before possible. New technology.
It boggles the mind, at least my mind, how far medicine has come. For all of this new technology to be available at a time in history that would benefit my daughter at this precise moment is Devine intervention as far as I am concerned. Thank you Jesus!
So, that is what’s next. Now the next obstacle is actually being able to schedule the date, since apparently the lab in which the test is performed is only available on a very limited basis. So that is our prayer…availability.
Hopefully soon.
March 5, 2018
Mar 5 2018 4:02 PM
Well, how about that? My last post chronicled our concerns related to Fahlin’s heart cath on Thursday. My wife and I were walking about in a cloud of confusion, unable to process the conflicting details concerning Fahlin’s uncertain future.
…Then the phone rang (or vibrated). It was our heart cath doctor. He began by say apologizing for jumping the gun the previous day. Remember, we didn’t know if the news was good or bad. He said he went back and looked at all three cath results, all 160 of her echocardiograms (I’m exaggerating), and her MRI results. After compiling all of the information he came to a different conclusion; one that allowed us to catch our breaths, one that caused me to sob like a baby.
Fahlin is the PERFECT candidate for a full heart repair. Her chambers are large enough to be modified into two chambers and the hole in the lower part of her heart can be repaired and the new pulmonary artery is capable after all of carrying the new blood flow. Of course, this is all contingent on the committee meeting this week to discuss results. At that point the cardiac team will come to consensus and will contact us with a plan. According to our doctor that would most likely mean major surgery this summer.
That’s all well and good, and I am glad. But I am an emotional wreck now. I even cry during Hallmark movies. So for now, my wife and I are breathing somewhat normally again and we are back to taking one day at a time. That’s the only way we know how to do it.
As for Fahlin, even though she didn’t quite bounce back as quickly from this procedure as she has in the past, she doesn’t seem too bothered by any of this. It’s just a normal part of her life. Her normal, of course.
March 2, 2018
Mar 2 2018 12:44 PM
The day after the heart cath from Hades. That was no fun. Not for Fahlin, not for me, not for my wife, not for the doctors, not for anyone! We rolled into Vanderbilt, confident since we’ve been there done that. 6:30 AM. No problem. The morning started out normal, as normal as any standard heat cath procedure can be. They went through the pre-cath protocols, got her ready and off she went. A couple hours later, we are in the consult room with the doctor; everything went well, all good news.
Ten minutes later, he’s out in the waiting room looking for us. Fahlin was bleeding. They had no idea where it was coming from or what was causing it. Then the parade of doctors began. We were in our own private consultation room. First the anesthesiologist, next the Ear-nose-throat doctor, followed by the pulmonologist. What was going on!!!???
[Historical note: Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital holds many bittersweet memories for our family and extended family]
About four hours later, and who knows how many procedures, she’s in the ICU. ICU? She spent the evening on a ventilator as they weaned her off anesthesia. After they finally removed all the tubes and wires, she spent the night. Apparently she slept off and on, but by this morning was running a slight fever. As I type this, I just got word that the fever is under control and is now being released as soon as I can get there. What about that?
The motional roller coaster we have been on the past twenty-four hours has not been particularly enjoyable. I told my brother-in-law, who has been through the worst tragedy of all in losing his daughter, that I didn’t know how I can continue to handle this type of stuff. But so often, as Christians we assume everything is going to all happy and perfect, when the reality is this, James 1:3 …for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
So now, Fahlin comes home and we begin the process of “What’s next?” The processing of all the new information the doctors have gathered. Was yesterday good news or bad? What’s the long-term prognosis now? Timetable?
…and I thought parenting would get easier as we got older…apparently not!
February 27, 2018
Feb 28 2018 12:50 PM
Two days before Fahlin’s next heart cath and she’s acting weird. Who can blame her? Poor thang. She has got to be nervous. I know I am and I am not even having anything done to me.
How is she acting weird you ask? Well, lets start with her wanting to climb in our bed and sleep with Mommy and Daddy…EVERY night. She does this every once in a great while, but this close to her next procedure, we know it has to be nerves. I don’t mind, but she is like sleeping next to a furnace. Another indicator? Emotions. She is more emotional than she has been in recent months. I mean roller-coaster emotions…over nothing! But hey, I’m a dude, what do I know about nothing? Nothing, I suppose. Poor thang.
We have kept her home from school this week as a precaution. With her condition the way it is she does not have the heartiest of immune systems. With that being said, she has been remarkably healthy, all things considered. The last this she needs is the flu, and as we all know, schools can be a breeding ground for germs, viruses and all sorts of undesirable things (boys, cooties, lice…Haha).
So Thursday it is. Heart cath number three. What does it hold for us? For Fahlin? My prayer is that she will come through it with flying colors. That the information gleaned from the procedure will give the doctors good news. Good news about her progress, her ‘internal’ infrastructure growth, and a wealth of information that will give the cardio team confidence to make the proper determinations about how to proceed. I only wish there was another way, so she would have to go through this again. She’s been through so much already. Poor thang.
Please pray.
February 21, 2018
Feb 21 2018 10:58 AM
All right, do you remember how recently I have been telling you about sweet and loving Fahlin has been lately? Ha, it was all a ruse! The holy terrorizer known as Nashy, our grandson is in town, and well, the jealousy bug has hit Fahl Fahl big-time. It’s kind of weird, one minute they are best buds, the next he’s pummeling her (as only 2 year olds can pummel). And, Fahlin is kind of a diva.
She will push Nash out of the way when he is in front of the TV, and likewise, Nash with put his arms out and ‘hog’ the TV while telling everyone to, “not watch.” It is actually a battle of wills, Fahlin’s 8 year old will vs. that of a 2½ year old.
As a result of all of this, having Nash around is more than Fahlin can handle. She likes ‘her world’ to be ‘her world’ with no intrusions, but as we all know, toddlers, especially little boy toddlers can be quite…unintentionally demanding. When he wants her attention, he wants it NOW. But the timing has to be on her terms, not his, thus, the consternation. And boy, when consternation sets in, it boils over as screaming, or crying, or yelling, “Naaaaash!” When it does boil over, it takes awhile to get everything back to normal.
It is kind of funny watching a little kid terrorize a bigger kid (is that bad that I think that?). I know though, that Fahlin wants to just haul off and bash him, but she resists because she knows she is the older child and the Aunt, and that Aunts bashing their nephew would not be good. So she goes with one of her fallbacks. Poor Fahlin. It is hard being her.
Really though, I couldn’t imagine what it is like being her. A new family, heart issues to deal with, and now a nuisance nephew. “What is my life coming to,” she must be thinking? But, when all is said and done, she knows she is loved, she loves in return and if you listen closely, you hear her tell Nash, “I love you.”
February 17, 2018
Feb 21 2018 10:57 AM
BURP…BURP…BURP…
“Fahlin, stop burping,” came the cry from my wife while cooking in the kitchen. “Who made you so gross?”
All of a sudden, a little gecko finger was pointing straight at the gentleman in the kitchen who was just standing there minding his own business…ME! [I just now discovered from my computer’s spell and grammar check that using ‘his own’ is a reflexive pronoun and should consider revising…nope, not gonna.]
“Me?” I replied with animated laughter. “Me? What are you talking about? I would never do such a thing as to teach my little girls to be gross…nooooo, not me…”
Maybe, when I’m tucking them (Fahlin and Jayne) in at night I shouldn’t pick up the ukulele and sing the silly Poopy-Butt song. Or perhaps I shouldn’t sing the Jayne Likes to Toot, song or even the ever-popular Fahlin Likes to Burp song. Maybe that’s where they get it? Surely not.
Anyway, truth be told, full disclosure, Fahlin can and often does make her self burp. And burp. And burp. I did not teach her that…promise! Sometimes, she doesn’t even know she’s doing it and we have to remind her to stop, which also ends up in louder burps, followed by giggles and all out laughter.
The best part about the burping, especially if she keeps it up into her teenage years, I won’t have to worry about boys, that’s for sure. Who wants to date the ‘burping girl?’ I’m smiling right here thinking about that. In fact, now that I think about it even more, keep it up Fahlin, keep it up!
February 13, 2018
Feb 14 2018 8:25 AM
Now that the whirlwind known as the ‘end of the swim season’ is over, I have immediately turned my thoughts to Fahlin’s upcoming procedure and probable surgery. It’s nice to have something to distract you, but when the buzy-ness settles down a bit, reality sets in. Our reality is that we have a little girl with a super sick heart who is not out of the woods yet, though at first and second and even third glance, one would assume she had never been in the woods in the first place.
Upon further inspection, you would have to look closely to find what we call her ‘gecko hands.’ The clubbing that occurs with a child with a heart condition is usually pretty noticeable…and blu-ish. Fahlin’s clubbing has improved a immensely and her color is absolutely better, no doubt about it.
But I want to stay guarded. I still worry a lot. My wife follows the Facebook story of another little heart baby that has had a very difficult road. She will not let me read it. She knows me so well. She knows that I would fall apart and go into full on panic mode if I actually knew what was really going on, not only with the little girl’s story she follows, but the seriousness of Fahlin’s situation as well. Yolanda, being in the medical profession knows all kinds of scary stuff. And she is wise to not tell me and I am wise not to ask too many questions…at lest for now. I am sure when we close to the upcoming procedures, I will have plenty.
You know, by this time in our lives, we at one point figured we would be planning our retirement years, but alas, retirement will never happen, it seems. It’s okay though; for we know this is our calling. God continues to provide for us on daily basis. He has worked miracle after miracle in Fahlin’s life and we have no reason to doubt He will continue to keep his hand on this little girl…and me…and my wife…and our family.
Finally, FYI, starting on week six of Fahlin liking her Dad. I like her this way.
January 27, 2018
Jan 28 2018 6:23 PM
Jan
Yesterday, Jan 24th, marked the three year anniversary of Fahlin’s ‘Gotcha Day.’ Boy, that little girl has come a loooooooonnnnnng way. I remember very vividly how frightened she was. She had always wanted a family, but now, in that moment when that reality was staring her in the face, it was a scary idea. She was about to leave five years of life in the only place she ever knew, behind forever. She was about to venture out into a whole new world. Her little mind could not even comprehend the change that was about to happen. I often imagine what it would be like to uproot and leave everything I ever knew. We spoke no Chinese. Other than her daily pre-school class, she knew no English.
She was very sick. Closer to death than we ever imagined. We knew it was bad, in fact we went into the adoption with the understanding she may not live to Christmas. She was blue. Her lips, her gums, her tongue, her toes her fingers, were all blue. We loved her immediately. We had committed to doing anything and everything we could to nurse her back to health. Doctors in Nashville were waiting. Friends and family were praying. At this point, the great unknown lies ahead of us.
China was cold, snowy and grey. The air quality not very good, the accommodations however, were quite nice. The food was, as always, outstanding. She didn’t talk to us. Her angry eyes were seemingly a permanent fixture on her face. She didn’t talk much, if at all. She was sad. She was apprehensive. She was lonely. And yet, we knew, with time all those feelings would fade away and she would embrace her new life, her new surroundings, her new siblings.
Now here it is, three years later. She didn’t pass away. In fact, she is healthier and stronger than she’s ever been. Her color is good. She is not blue. Her previous surgery and previous cath procedures have provided remarkable results. Fahlin has embraced family life. She loves her brothers, she loves her sisters (well, we’re not sure about Lydia), she loves her Mom and she even loves her Dad. She wants to take piano lessons. I did not know that, but we will put that ball in motion. These four adopted daughters of ours, these four DAUGHTERS of ours, have changed our lives, my life especially, in ways that cut deeply into my soul. It’s hard to explain, but I am better for it. As for Fahlin three years later? One look at her tells us all we need to know. She is better. She is happier. She is adjusted. She is bright. She is charming. She is thriving. She is cute as can be. She is alive.
January 20, 2018
Jan 23 2018 12:00 PM
I have been putting off writing this blog because if you will recall, the last blog documented how Fahlin had obviously missed her Dad so much when he went to China that she was being nice to him. Well, I’ve been waiting for her to devolve back into ‘meanie Fahl Fahl’ but alas, that has not happened. She obeys, she hangs out with me, she kisses me on the cheek a lot, plays Crazy 8’s with me, she gives me hugs, she wants me to tuck her in, she does puzzles with me, she even wants to watch ‘guy movie(s)’ (again, no s) with Dad. ?!?!?!? What’s up? It has been 11 days and counting. We even had several snow days where the girls were out of school and we were all confined to the house, surely a recipe for disaster.
But Noooooooo. Apparently, absence had made her heart grow fonder of her Dad. She just didn’t know how great he was until he was gone for a week. What has emerged is “sweet Fahl Fahl.” She is pleasant, she is funny, and yes she is still acting like the random animal. Usually it’s a tiger or cheetah, sometimes it’s a dog, but an animal is always lying just under the surface of Fahlin’s personality.
She will walk by, “Hey Fahlin, where are you going?”
“Growl, growl,” will be the response.
Or, “Ruff, ruff!” Then, off she goes, on about her business.
So, now I write a blog. About a pleasant little girl who loves her Dad. Yes, this one is short and sweet. Apparently, in Fahlin’s case, absence made her heart grow fonder…of her Dad.
January 10, 2018
Jan 14 2018 7:03 PM
Something wonderful has happened. And all it took for it to happen was for me to be away for eight days. I took a trip to China with some students from my school. It was a great trip, which climaxed with a visit to the Great Wall. But apparently, while I was gone, someone missed me. That someone was Fahlin.
Since I have been home, she has hugged me, snuggled with me, kissed me on the cheek, hugged me some more, even waited up until I went to sleep so she could come climb in bed with me. Then it was more cuddling, more wiggling, more smiling. We went out to eat. Guess who saved me a seat beside her? Guess who kept leaning over on me? Guess who climbed up on my lap? No, not Jayne, Fahlin.
So I thought I would ask her if she missed Daddy. No response, just a sly little grin. Fahlin actually missed her Dad. All my picking on her, hugging on her, kissing on her has finally paid off. My wife told me to “ride this as long as I can.” I will.
It’s weird, though, I must admit. I’m not used to her liking me or being nice to me. This is all new territory. But for now, I will just see how long it lasts. Sometimes we just don’t know ho good something is until it’s gone, or we don’t have it anymore. We miss it. We took it for granted. Perhaps that is what Fahlin is feeling. Even though she seemed to have not enjoyed my picking on her, she actually missed the attention I was giving her. Yes, it seems my expert parenting skills have paid off once again.
So for now, I’m riding the “I like you” Fahlin wave for as long as I can. Who knows, maybe it’s not just a wave; maybe it’s a trend…
December 29, 2017
Dec 29 2017 5:25 PM
Well, Fahl Fahl’s 8th Christmas has come and gone. She was soooo into Christmas this year. She finally realized that this is the most exciting time of the year. Her brothers were in town. They brought their wives. Fahlin loves adult company, especially the brides of my sons. Her big sister Bethany was in town, with her husband and little boy, Fahlin’s nephew, Nash. This year, they were big buds. She actually enjoyed playing with Nash.
She even figured out I was NOT Santa Claus. Even though I tell her all time I am. I had taken my daughter to wrestling; yes pro wrestling in Portland, Tennessee, while my wife took the ‘littles’ to a Christmas party where the REAL Santa Claus showed up. Yes, he actually showed up, and it was not me. That convinced her once and for all I was not Santa. My conscience is clear, however. Hahahaha.
Watching her open gifts this year was sweet. She was so excited, she couldn’t even stand it. The biggest surprise was her brother Canaan, who Fahlin didn’t expect until Tuesday, the day after Christmas, drove all night from Dallas on Christmas Eve and arrived around 4:00AM, just so he could surprise not just Fahlin, but also all the girls. It was a not only a surprise to the girls, but also a huge blessing to have him with us on Christmas.
Since our family is so big, the kids draw names and exchange gifts. Canaan had Fahlin’s name. He got her what she asked for, a box full of chewing gum. When asked what her favorite gift was, she thought and said, “My box of gum.” Here we are again, back to gum. She wanted gum, her brother got her gum and she was very happy. A simple gift. Extreme happiness.
Sometimes we over think things. It is the simplest things that mean the most. And this Christmas, the simplest thing to me was having my entire family, in the same room, the same house for about four days. With the way life has changed as the ‘bigs’ grow up and move on to bigger and better jobs and start having children of their own, and our ‘littles’ keep growing up in front of our eyes, it is very rare that we are all together. That is the simplest pleasure I could ever enjoy. My wife. My kids. My family. They are my chewing gum. Extreme happiness.
December 20, 2017
Dec 20 2017 9:10 PM
As Christmas nears, Fahlin is not very happy that I am out of school, Izzy is out of school, Lydia is out of school, Jayne is out of school and she is still IN school. Ha Ha, Fahl Fahl! Of course, I have to remind her. DAILY! While I am driving her to school. It brings joy to my heart. Poor thing. “No fair!!!” She says.
But this also allows me to pick her up from the bus stop in the afternoons. This is one of the highlights of my life, not just the day. You will recall all the previous blogs about how moody and grumpy Fahlin can be? And that she has been notoriously ‘not nice’ to her Dad, me. Well the ‘picking up at the bus stop’ moment adds another dimension to all of this. Let me set the stage for you. It’s 2:40, and the bus come rolling up. She is expecting her Mom, or Abby, or perhaps even one of her older siblings who might be in town visiting for the holidays, but she is NOT expecting me, for sure! So off the bus she bounds, happy as a lark, when all of a sudden, she notices my car. She looks harder, maybe someone else is driving. Nope, it’s Dad. At that moment of realization, her demeanor changes. She slumps her shoulders, rolls her eyes, puts on the angry face, and huffs and puffs her way to the car. Disappointment written all over her face. She opens the door, rolls her eyes again, slams herself down into the seat, never making eye contact.
“Well hello Fahlin, how was your day?” I say cheerily.
No response. Silence. No acknowledgement. None whatsoever. “We cannot leave until you are buckled,” I say.
More grunts and groans, but reluctantly, she buckles up. “Okay, we can go now,” she says in an ugly tone.
“No we can’t,” I respond, again with a cheery tone. “Because you were ugly, we have to sit here for a minute until Daddy decides to go, because I am the boss, not you.” Great parenting, I might add. Let them know who is in charge.
That was day one of an ongoing saga. Day two, I videoed her getting off the bus, just so I could have proof of the demeanor change. Day three is today. We will see how it goes. My wife almost feels sorry for me. She’s afraid my feelings are being hurt, but I have decided that they are not. I love that little girl, and I realize she has some things to work through, after all, she was in China longer we have had her, and she’s not used to having a male authority figure in her life. That would be me. But hey, it’s Christmas, Santa is alive and well and Fahlin will have some great surprises awaiting her on Christmas day. By the way, I tell her “I am Santa!”
To which she replies, “No you’re not!” [Insert smile here]
December 6, 2017
Dec 9 2017 1:21 PM
Fahlin continues to be a Debbie Downer in the mornings. Grumpy, irritable, angry, ugly, moody, disobedient…where’s my thesaurus? We are almost nearly beginning to almost get frustrated with her. It’s a good thing she is kid number eight. It’s a good thing her story has had a profound impact on us as parents. It’s a good thing she’s cute!
Usually, it is my wife Yolanda who has to deal with the wrath of Fahlin in the mornings. We have numerous theories. One, is she wakes up starving to death. We know she gets grumpy when she is hungry, so this would only make sense. Two, is she is simply exhausted. Her little three-chambered heart has to work so hard to pump blood to through her body that it is working overtime, thus the exhaustion. Another theory, number three, is she simply wants to be in control, going back to her days in the foster home in China where she ruled the roost. One of my new recent theories is she has multiple personality disorder to which my wife responds, “No, it’s just five years in China,” which is probably correct. Maybe she has not attached to us completely yet. After all she was China’s longer than she has been ours. Perhaps there is something to that theory.
Anyway, regardless of the reasons, mornings are a battlefield. A Fahlin fueled field of skirmishes. And they continue daily. [Fast forward. It is two days later. Yes, sometimes I write a blog that takes a couple days to complete] So the battlefield now moves to the afternoon and the enemy is Dad. Good ole Dad. When I came home today, I went to the living room, sat down beside Fahl Fahl, and started talking to her about her day, the TV show she was watching, school, just general Dad stuff…crickets…silence…cold shoulder. So that is a signal to me to begin…wait for it…yes, picking on Fahlin. A tickle here, a tickle there, a hug here, a squeeze there, a wet Willy, you know, annoying immature stuff that Das like to do. Wait! Am I the only one that does that kind of stuff? Anyway, she still screams and cries, but it has the distinct sound of insincerity. Believe me, I can tell fake crying when I hear it, most parents can.
So, to summarize, the battle continues. Mom in the morning, Dad at night. The difference between my wife and me is that Fahlin is usually nice to Yolanda once she wakes up, but with me, I never know when or if the niceness will come my way. It does not hurt my feelings, really it does not. It might hurt if she would have been child number two or something, buy I do understand that Fahlin was Chinese for the first almost six years of her life. She hasn’t been home long enough just yet. These adjustments take time. Obviously, the older the adopted child, the longer the adjustment.
Don’t misunderstand me; Fahlin is not the monster I make her out to be. She simply has some things yet to figure out. For now, she has to realize she is not the boss any more. She is not the big dog. She is not the queen of the care center. She is not in charge. She is not taking care of babies anymore. She is not the oldest. She is not…alone.
November 26, 2017
Nov 26 2017 8:18 PM
Thanksgiving has come and gone. It has caused me to realize something, this year especially. Fahlin is still experiencing these holidays as a “newbie.” What I mean by that is that even though she is eight years old, she is only experiencing her third Thanksgiving and this upcoming Christmas will only be the third Christmas she has ‘really’ experienced.
Because of that, her Christmas list will make you cry. Although it will be apparent shortly, her list screams INNOCENCE. Each year all of our children draw names for our family gift exchange. It is a true Chapman tradition that has grown as our family has grown. Adding the ‘littles’ to the mix has made the whole event that much more fun. Our son Canaan drew Fahl Fahl’s name. There is not really a price limit, so in theory, the girls could ask for anything. Fahlin asked him for one thing. Are you ready for this? Gum. She wants her own gum. Mint gum. Gum she can keep all to herself. Her own gum. Gum?!?! Chewing gum.
I remember Jayne’s first Christmas she just opened a box of something, put it down and walked upstairs. The next year she asked for “Crayons and a coloring book.” That was it. So, we actually had to go get her and teach her to open more presents. Fahlin’s first Christmas was much the same. No clue. Couldn’t understand why she got gifts, what they were for, the reason, let alone Jesus’ birthday. Now she wants gum. This, from a little girl not expected to see Christmas number one let alone Christmas number eight. She could have anything.
Enter her 2017 complete Christmas list. Are you ready for this?
1. a lamp
2. slippers
3. Paw Patrol Playset
That’s it. Let’s explore the third item on the list. My wife immediately says. “That’s a little young for her?” Yes, it may be, but Fahlin has never been ‘young.’ When she was five, she was taking care of babies. Rocking them, feeding them, even changing them. That’s the way it works in the orphanages. Sad. She never really had a childhood, as we know the meaning of childhood. So now she gets to experience it. So if some of these shows she watches are too kiddie-ish, so be it, and if she wants play sets, play sets it is. After all, I AM SANTA. I can make it happen. The girls are just now understanding Christmas, even though their lists have not really evolved to “IPhones” and “Cars.” And this Christmas promises to be the best Fahlin has ever experienced. Santa will see to it.
November 10, 2017
Nov 13 2017 11:35 AM
Right now, as I type, Jayne is leaning over and watching every move I make. She usually just stares at the screen. Then all of a sudden she will ask me a random non-related question or make a random statement like, “You need to wash your car.” What’s that? She just said that exact thing. Hilarious. No kidding. Another thing she will say is, “Dad, you have 8% battery left.” Or whatever the percent happens to be at that moment. Wait; no kidding again, she just did that. Then there is the “Why are all the blogs about Fahlin?”
“Because Jayne, this blog is about following Fahlin’s story from the day we left to go get her.” Nearly three years ago, by the way. But the fact that I just wrote a little bit about Jayne makes her happy, at least for a while.
My fallback blog idea usually centers on Fahlin and her moods. Man oh man, those moods. This past weekend, my wife worked, which means I have ‘littles’ duty. So I watched. Specifically, I watched Fahlin. I have discovered a couple of triggers that set off those explosive (somewhat dramatized) emotions.
Trigger one: “Hurry up Fahlin!” those words immediately send her into a tizzy. She cannot function under pressure.
Trigger two: Jayne gets to sit in the middle row of the Suburban; Fahlin is relegated to the rear seat by herself. Cue fits of rage. Fake fits of rage. Then when they die down, and I ask why everything is so quiet, fits of rage ignite again.
Special note: with our bigs, this bothered us. With the littles, we barely notice, or rather, provide fuel to the fire, in my case for sure.
Trigger three: When Jayne finally has final had enough of Fahlin’s bossy-ness and walks off and does her own thing. Fahlin has not yet figured out that she is the baby of the family,
Trigger four: When dad tries to hug her or kiss her cheek. For some reason, I have not quite figured out why that is, but alas, it is my lot in life. Maybe its because I am the first male authority figure she has ever known. Perhaps my psychology major daughter could shed some light on this.
And finally, trigger five: Telling her to do anything she doesn’t really want to do. For example, “Clean your room,” “Take this upstairs and put it away,” “Brush your teeth and comb your hair.” Simple tasks. Ballistic reactions. Or sometimes the sullen face and slouched shoulders with a big hrummmph attached.
Anyway, this is the little girl we love. The little girl who was dying of a congenital heart issue, the one who is now thriving, the little girl who went from zero family to seven brothers and sisters and two great parents, several cousins, eight aunts and uncles couple of nieces and nephews and even a set of grandparents. It might be overwhelming. Maybe three years of adjusting is not quite enough. As with all of our kids, we simply keep on loving her, caring for her, providing for her and most importantly, praying for her. Oh Fahl Fahl!.
November 3, 2017
Nov 6 2017 2:36 PM
My how life has changed. Halloween has come and gone. This Halloween in particular got me to thinking. Thinking back to our first go ‘round with the ‘Bigs.’ That was back in the day when we thought we were being good parents by not exposing our children to the evils of Halloween. Many churches back then offered alternative plans to Halloween; Fall Fest, Harvest Festival, Autumn Harvest Festival, etc., and etc. We would pack up the kids, in costume, by the way, and go our church on that night and the kids would play games, eat food and yes, get candy. It really was a cool time for the family. And I don’t think we harmed our kids in the process. Churches have sort of gotten away from those festivities and have begun encouraging members to use that time to share the gospel with Halloweeners who might stop by. I think that is a great idea.
In our case, we have decided to take the little girls Trick or Treating. In our neighborhood, or course. But our big kids are quick to point out how they never got to go Trick or Treating. I’m they may have once or twice, when the boys were really, really little, but really, we mainly did the church festival thing. Anyways or anyhow, or even anyhoo, what harm could taking the ‘littles’ Trick or Treating do? Now that we have gotten more experienced as parents (older) we have taken the plunge into Trick or Treating.
Our neighborhood is called Woodland Hills. You can guess why. Our driveway is a 45º angle straight up. Well, I guess 45º is not really straight up, but you get the gist. You can also imagine how a little girl with ¾ths of a heart, poor circulation and half as many pulmonary arteries as a normal person would fare in such a hilly environment. She started out strong. Operative phrase, ‘started out.’ It’s a good thing I brought the wagon. Always do where Fahlin’s concerned. Do you know how heavy that wagon can get even with only 48 lbs. in it? And I’ve even been working out!
You can always tell when Fahlin runs out of gas. She turns blue, stops moving, gets grumpy and stops talking. Those are the signs. But no worries, Mr. Wagon-puller came to the rescue. Still, it seems to me there is nothing wrong with candy for little girls. Besides, with our girls it’s not really about seeing how candy they can eat, it’s more about how much candy they can accumulate. It’s about the experience. The anticipation. The lead up. The moment. Being together as a family.
On top of that, Fahlin dressed as a witch. A witch! We would NEVER HAVE DONE THAT with the ‘bigs.’ I hope that doesn’t make me a failure as a parent. Meanwhile, I’d better go, I have to call my sister…it’s her birthday!
October 27, 2017
Oct 26 2017 1:41 PM
You’ve heard of The Joker? You’ve heard of The Riddler? Meet… The Puzzler! She, who confounds her opponents with clever skills never before seen in Gotham City, or the world, for that matter. She, who confounds and amazes her parents both at the same time. She, who charms her way into the hearts of those who meet her. She, who defies all odds in the medical realm as she continues on the path to a long life.
Yes, Fahlin Maria Xuefang Chapman is she. She, who is known as The Puzzler. She who has this unique style of completing, yes, you guessed it, puzzles. Now, of course there other implications indicated by the name Puzzler, like how she has a puzzling personality that runs sometimes hot, sometimes cold, sometimes loving, sometimes rebellious, sometimes fun, sometimes stubborn, yes, puzzling for sure as the name indicates. But the name came from her mad ‘putting puzzles together’ skills. My wife Yolanda referred to her at The Puzzler, and it has stuck.
So what is this unique technique she employs to assemble puzzles at a dazzling rate of speed? Once the frame is completed, she sorts out the colors. Then she meticulously, one by one tries to fit a piece into one spot. If the first one doesn’t fit, its on to the second and third and fourth, and fifth…. And 197th….and 215th, until a piece fits, then she repeats the process at the next spot, and so on and so forth. But, she does this at an alarmingly fast rate of speed. Next thing you know boom, she’s finished.
Now, don’t try to assist or help, though. No… you will be greeted with the “get out my way because you are not doing right angry eyes look.” If you continue to help, which, of course, like any good Dad I do, then that only escalates into the “crossed arms, hummmmph, sit down and pout look.” So, when that happens, a lot of times I will wait…until she goes to bed, then I will swoop in and do an entire area, only to be greeted with the “I cannot believe you would even dare to touch my puzzle while I was sleeping,” look. I just can’t win.
Anyway, the name the puzzler is so appropriate. We have tons of puzzles finished and tons of puzzles still left to do. So, unleash the The Puzzler, and Batman beware!
October 23, 2017
Oct 23 2017 7:31 PM
First of all, Happy Birthday Izzy. Our daughter, Izzy turns 17. Words cannot express how I feel about that girl. I am so glad God saw fit to bring our lives and worlds together. I will circle back to Izzy.
When you have eight kids, time for yourself is at a premium. I cannot even remember the last time I even had a couple hours home alone. What got me thinking about this happened the other night. The girls seemed content, as they usually do, but as soon as I hopped into the shower, the knocks on the door began. Are you serious? You could not have asked me something five minutes ago?
How about the times I go out in the garage, AKA, my art studio. I no sooner start to paint when the door opens and someone needs something. Never fails. And my wife?! Even she joins in. She never pays much attention to me while I’m actually IN the house, but as soon as I begin to paint, she all of a sudden finds something interesting to discuss while I am in the garage, AKA, my art studio. It usually starts with, “That painting is ugly. You will never sell it,” or “Why did you paint it that color?” Thanks, dear.
Or what about the times I go to bathroom? Well I’ll tell you… on second thought, well, I won’t tell you. Let’s just say, well, I won’t say. I will just assume you all know what I am talking about? Can a man go in peace, I say?!?!?! To much information?
And so it goes. No peace for Dad. Eternal parenthood. Don’t get me wrong I love my girls, all of them including my bride. I want that clearly known. Now, circling back to Izzy. Thank you Izzy. You’re about the only one that doesn’t do what the others do, and I appreciate it. Hahaha…
October 15, 2017
Oct 15 2017 11:11 AM
Family dynamics. I love my family. As I look back and reflect and see how my original four kids have grown and who they have become and think about how they used to interact with each other compared with how they interact now, I think yes, our family dynamic is really good. Now add the ‘littles’ into equation. Izzy, our first, was brought home from China In 2001. She immediately melted the hearts of her big brothers and has been the apple of their eyes ever since. Four years after that, through a series of extraordinary events, including our eldest becoming a page for then Tennessee Senator Bill Frist, Lydia came home. Her quirks and speech defect endeared her once again to her brothers, especially her brother Canaan, who, at first had doubts about whether another child in our family was a good idea. The first two? Easy. Jump ahead to ‘Jayne the Brain.’ This special little girl, with all her special needs was the child who reminded us that parenting is sometimes not that easy. The big kids loved her. My wife struggled. Jayne continues to provide a challenge for us. Of course, by this time the big kids and their extra help were gone, having started their own lives. Abby remains, thank God. Jayne’s educational needs, her physical limitations, while not that noticeable, continue challenge our everyday lives. Then there is Fahlin, our ‘heart baby.’ A whole new level of uncertainty and concern. And that personality she brings? Whooooo, boy.
That leads my back to family dynamic. The two littlest obviously are best friends and at the same time struggle for dominance over the other. They annoy Lydia and obey Izzy and Abby. Yet, throw a two-year-old grandson into the mix and jealously rears its ugly head in a very ugly way. Jayne and Nashy? Best buds. Fahlin and Nashy? Mortal enemies…most of the time. She refuses to pay with, help or even acknowledge his existence. When asked to help with Nash, she shuts down, pouts, sits, throw herself down, ignores and cries. Wait?! What?! We help each other in this family, young lady! So, the situation escalates, and next thing you know, every parenting trick in the book is exhausted. No kindle, no TV, go to bed early, timeout and even ‘lay on bed’ time (she usually falls asleep).
So I say all of this to say that what was originally meant to be ‘empty nest’ time has become Star Trek ‘time-warp’ time. We are re-living the glory days we had with our first four children. So instead of chasing my wife around the house in my leisure time, we continue to focus on parenting. Izzy is a junior, scored very high on her first ACT and now has colleges after her. Lydia has five more years before we think of college, Jayne’s educational future is uncertain which means we will have to navigate all of that and Fahlin faces heart surgery in the spring, which means we have to get through that before we can take the next step. That’s just the education stuff. What about food, shelter clothing, holidays, birthdays special days, trips, activities, teams, parties, cookouts, chores, homework, colds, headaches, ‘time of the month’ times and everything else that comes along with parenting?
Proverbs 3: 1-6 says… “Do not forget my teachings and keep my commands in mind, because they will bring you long life, good years and peace. Do not let mercy and truth leave you. Fasten them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will favor and much success in the sight of God and humanity. Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths smooth”
Smooth? Okay. I’m counting on that…
October 8, 2017
Oct 10 2017 9:13 AM
My wife recently told someone that our lives are like a giant Jenga puzzle. As long as the pieces are standing, the puzzle is sturdy and strong. But our lives are a constantly changing Jenga puzzle. We have to move one piece to another spot while making sure the tower is still standing then we do it again, hoping to maintain the proper balance of life, school and activities. Every now and then, however, we pull a piece and the tower comes crumbling down. Just like any plan(s) we may have made when that happens, we start over. We build the tower again, start pulling pieces again, and next thing you know, the tower grows again, teeters again, sways again and…and…hey, it’s still standing! Maybe this plan will work?
We literally do make plans each and every evening for the next day. As crazy as that sounds, it has been the only way we can make our logistical problems work. That, and help rom our friends. It is comforting to know that so many people are ready and willing to help out at a moments notice. True friends indeed.
So it’s a matter of balance. I am not sure we do a good job of balancing all the Jenga pieces, but we sure try. Maybe that’s why my heart is always palpating. I’m constantly anxious and double-checking to make sure I didn’t forget someone, or forget to get someone somewhere or “Who did I make arrangements with to get someone somewhere and did they confirm and is my wife meeting me with one of my children and where was that meeting place anyway? I forget.” I have those kinds of thoughts in my brain all the time.
Yes, when my said we live a Jenga life, she was right on. The Jenga piece we have the most trouble balancing is the piece that allows us, my wife and I, to have time together. A date night? Rare. Home alone? Even more rare. Most of the time, I like her a lot. Especially on those days when she’s not pointing out my mistakes or faults or shortcomings, or dumb things I do. Who? Not me? “From the moment I first laid ‘eye’ on [her]…” at her Dad’s little ole country church in Derby, Ohio, (Quote from, Monsters Inc., when Mike Wyzowski was talking to his girlfriend at work) I knew it was love at first sight. (Little known factoid, my wife was once ‘Miss Derby,’ yes she was!) Little did I know waaaaay back then that that first sighting, when our eyes met that life would take us where it has taken us. The Jenga tower has grown out of control for sure, but you know, I wouldn’t change a thing. (Well, I do wish I could have continued the music career long enough to make a small fortune which would come in handy about now, but I digress).
I know I’ve kinda rambled today, but you now, when you live a Jenga life like we do, rambling is normal behavior…not that our lives are normal, by any stretch!
Dateline Sept. 27 from Washington DC
Sep 28 2017 6:27 PM
Pictured (L-R) Steven Curtis Chapman (Show Hope), Tracy and Scott Hamilton (this year’s national CCA honoree), Jim and Yolanda Chapman (“Angels”) and Mary Beth Chapman (Show Hope)
Dateline: Washington D.C. My wife and I are in Washington D.C. We found out a couple months ago that were being honored as Tennessee’s “Angels in Adoption” through the Congressional Coalition on Adoption. Senator (Bob) Corker nominated us, and we were selected as this year’s state winner. How cool is that?
But here’s the thing, my wife and I, while certainly honored, feel like we have done nothing to warrant such an honor. We are just parents of four beautiful little adopted Chinese daughters. We work to provide for them, tote them around, feed them, tuck them in at night, celebrate birthdays with them…you get the picture, we just think of ourselves as normal (although we have figured out that we are not) parents of eight children. We are tired, worn out and old. It is sometimes hard to make ends meet yet God provides and always has. We have determined that we will have to work ‘til we’re 90. But that is okay.
Do not misunderstand me. We chose this life. We knew our lives would be different when we adopted. We did not really know what that meant. We began to find out when adopted our last two little girls, both with severe special needs. One, Jayne, with a brain issue, the other Fahlin with a major heart problem. That sort of changed things for us. What we didn’t know was how much BETTER our lives would be because of these little girls. Sometimes, we forget to notice the joy we experience on a daily basis. We are so caught up in our daily chaos that we forget to stop and think about the awesomeness of what is happening in our family. It’s like we are standing inches away from a great impressionist masterpiece by Monet. All we see are blotches and strokes of random color, but as we move away, we see that the entire painting comes into focus and the masterpiece itself is right there in front of us.
An honor like this from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption reminds us that we are not alone. Families and organizations from all over the country are brought together, each one honored for their own contribution to the adoption world. We begin to see how small we are when you see a family that adopted Down’s Syndrome children, children in wheelchairs with severe disabilities, and even a single blind father adopting triplet blind sons and we begin to think we are not the heroes, they are.
My brother-in-law sang at the Gala. Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife have been champions for the cause of adoption for going on 18 years now. They were honored as national ‘Angels’ in 2001. We talked after the Gala. I expressed how grateful we were for his help in bringing home our girls. I talked about the impact he and Mary Beth have had in the world. SCC is one of the most humble guys you will ever meet. Even at his lofty, elevated status as a multi Grammy and Dove Award winner, he was quick to remind me that Yolanda and I were true heroes in his eyes. What? Steven Curtis Chapman, my friend, my brother-in-law thinks my wife and I are heroes. How ‘bout that?
September 23, 2017
Sep 24 2017 11:15 AM
So, now, on to Fahl Fahl’s anger issue. It’s not really anger it’s more an act, we think. Or at least we hope. It never fails. I come home, I have not seen Fahlin all day, I rush up to her and scoop her into my arms and give her big kisses on her cheek. You know, normal Dad stuff. But wow! She stiffens her little body and screams bloody murder. What???!!!!
So, I talk to her. “Fahlin, I am not going to stop until you do two things.”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” But this time there’s a hint of a smile. At least think there is. Meanwhile my wife looks on with concern.
“First, if you let me give you one more cheek kiss…” I say. “Then, all you have to do is tell your Daddy you love him. Then I will leave you alone.” More stiffening. More screaming. I look at my concerned wife. I squeeze.
“I love you, Daddy,” come the words, somewhat sheepishly, yet begrudgingly, yet in sincerely, yet with a hint of a smile, at least I think there is. I let go. She stomps off.
Mom intercepts her; again, because this happens quite regularly. She begins to explain to Fahlin how much her Daddy loves her, how he would do anything for her, how he works hard, etc., etc. She explains that her actions could hurt Daddy’s feelings (they don’t, really) if it weren’t for the fact that he loves her so much.
My wife and I are perplexed. Why does this happen? We do not know. She is pretty moody as it is. But yet, we are not sure if the moods and outbursts are an act or a result of bad parenting. This is child number eight; surely we have figured it out by now. But seriously, could it all stem back to our first ten months with Fahlin? Remember, when we adopted her at 5 ½ years of age, we were told she most like would make it to Christmas due to her dire heart condition and our primary job as parents was to make her happy and give her the greatest possible family experience. So we said yes. Yes to EVERYTHING. After Vanderbilt got a hold of her though, her health improved to the point where the doctors were (and are) confident she could live a longer life than originally expected. So we reversed course and became REAL parents again. You know, the kind that say no sometimes, instill discipline, establish bedtimes and other routines, schedule chores and ask members of the fam to contribute in a positive way to the functioning of our family unit as a whole.
But alas, if he wakes up hungry (almost every day), she’s grumpy. If she doesn’t get her way, she’s grumpy. If she has to go bed, she’s grumpy. But then, something miraculous will happen. All of a sudden for no apparent reason, happy, loving, kind, cooperative, helpful Fahlin will show up. Who is this little girl? She is pretty awesome…when she wants to be. And she has been known to smile and on certain occasions, smile a lot. Don’t get me wrong, we wouldn’t change a thing and we know that raising children is a lifelong commitment and on top of that, we know that it takes time for children to grow and mature into the people they are to become. So, we continue to nurture. We continue parent. We continue to love…
Is that a hint of a smile I see?
September 20, 2017
Sep 24 2017 11:14 AM
We have discovered something about Fahlin. I think, we think, she may have a photographic memory. Fahlin loves puzzles. Not your simple eight piece kiddie puzzles, mind you, but we are talking 300 pieces. She loves puzzles. But, you have to get on her good side before you are ‘invited’ to help. Every now and then, I make it onto her ‘good’ list. When that happens, I make the most of it. On most other occasions, however, I have to sneak my pieces onto the puzzle. Oooo boy, does this make her…how shall I say? Upset?
So, how does all of this relate to her having a photographic memory? Well, what I discovered was that if I put a piece on the puzzle when she is not around then wait, Fahlin will come in to the room, take one look at and, whammo, “DAAAAAAAD!!!!”
“What Fahlin?” I will say.
And so it begins. “You put a piece on my puzzle.”
So, It was during one of those times when she was furious with me that I decided to conduct a little experiment. I asked her to turn around with her back to the puzzle and I told her that I was going to remove two pieces, then she was to turn around and tell me where they belonged. Sure enough, she turned around, surveyed the landscape, and boom, pointed and said, “Right there.” I glanced at my wife. Surely that was a lucky guess. I tried again, with three pieces. Sure enough, she nailed it.
It does not matter which puzzle it is, she knows. She always knows. Even when she goes to bed, I can remove or add a piece here or there and she will not only notice, but also know specific pieces. The other night in fact, she had gone to bed and was working diligently on her puzzle until I went up to tuck her in. I told her I was only going to put three more pieces on.
“Only three,” she said.
The next morning, she got up and proceeded to look at the puzzle. I had already left for school. What I didn’t tell her when I tucked her in was that I had secretly been working on her puzzle PRIOR to telling her that I would only put three more. She was not happy.
“He put more than three,” it was reported to me later. Technically, no, I only put three AFTER I told her I would only put three. It was that time frame prior to ‘the three’ when the additions were made.
I guess that explains why she was mad when I came home. Will I ever change? I doubt it. Will Fahlin get over it? I can report she did. Does she have a photographic memory? Who knows? It seems she does. As for her madness, that is the next blog.
September 6, 2017
Sep 5 2017 1:38 PM
Are you ready to cry? Fahlin asked us, “Where did my name come from? Who named me?” When we adopted our first two little girls, Izzy and Lydia, they only had Chinese names. They were actually in state run Chinese orphanages. Izzy was Yue Ye Mei, Lydia was Chang Bizhen. We gave them their American names. Jayne and Fahlin were in foster care under the umbrella of the Show Hope organization. The care centers are impressive places filled with caring people who love the least of the least of these unconditionally, day after day. They care for the sickest of sick, the babies that the state orphanages are often ill equipped to handle. The names of the babies are Chinese, however, often a stateside sponsor will get to choose the ‘western’ name for the child being sponsored. My wife and I actually sponsored Shi Bao Yi, AKA known as Jayne. I chose Jayne’s name, and perhaps in the next blog I will tell that story. It’s pretty funny.
But Fahlin’s name? Fahlin decided to call her Aunt Mary Beth. Surely she would know where the name came from. And what we found out is quite a different and sweet story. See below:
Mary Beth,
This just came in from Mariah Bywater:
“Fahlin arrived in those early days along with several others and while Jona, Erma, and I did assessments and nursing stuff my sweet sister Melissa selected names and made all the name sheets for us. She was so good about carefully observing each child and then choosing names with meaning or that fit the child. She selected Fahlin because it was an old Irish name that means “Daughter of the King.” Which is why she and I always referred to Fahlin as the little Princess. On a fun side note we later found that in the Barbie Movie ‘Twelve Dancing Princesses’ one of the Kings Daughters, one of the twelve little princesses, was named Fahlin.”
God’s hand has really been on this special girl!
Very respectfully,
Steve
September 1, 2017
Sep 2 2017 7:13 AM
August 25, 2017
Aug 25 2017 11:52 AM
Fahlin: “I can’t decide what I want to be, a teacher or a traffic person…” Oh Fahlin. The things that little girl says and does. Let me just tell ya. She is an expert at animal imitations. She does a great dog. She can do everything from large dogs to Chihuahuas. It really does sound real. She does a great cat purr. Yes, the purring kitten is quite…eerie…it’s so good.
August 13, 2017
Aug 13 2017 9:26 AM
Fahlin is officially a second grader. By all accounts, she should not be. We are thankful she is. Rock Springs Elementary does not fully understand the depth of that statement. She really shouldn’t be. But God, obviously has a different plan. She is really quite funny about it. When I asked her how her first day was, she merely responded, “It was not quite what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“Did you expect it to be like first grade?”
“No,” said Fahlin.
Did you expect it to be harder than first grade?”
“Yes.”
“Was it?” I asked, interested in getting to the bottom of things.
“No, I was expecting something different.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” came the answer.
I am so confused. HAHAHA. All I know is this, whatever it was she expected, it was either different or the same as what she expected. There! Clear as mud. I do know this. Once school starts, Fahlin comes alive. Her brain starts working, she is involved and her demeanor changes for the good.
I also always ask her, “Are you the smartest kid in your class?”
“Yes,” is usually the response.
“Do you have any kids in your class that are not very smart?”
“Yes, the boys,” she says a matter of factly, without hesitation.
So far so good on that front as well. “It’s good to be back at school, isn’t it Fahl Fahl?”
“Uh huh…”
August 2, 2017
Aug 2 2017 5:54 PM
Well, here I am, back home, refreshed from our vacation, and full of stories…Fahl Fahl stories. She is definitely an inquisitive little girl. The best question cane while my wife was in Texas, “How did Millie get in your belly?” Millie, of course is my youngest son’s daughter, our granddaughter, and the question of course, was asked of Ami, our daughter-in-law. Hoo-boy, glad I was not there. Not sure how it was answered by my Dil (nickname for Ami), but I am sure she giggled while answering. Of course, in the past, when I was called upon to explain the birds and the bees, I was pretty, umm, how shall I say, pretty descriptive. [I read a book about raising Christian boys, can’t recall the title, but there was an entire chapter dedicated to “the question,” and the author encouraged fathers to be forthcoming with all the details, which I was.]
Anyway, on to the next question. “Did all my brothers and sisters come from China?”
“No, Fahlin,” answered my wife. “They came from my belly, you came from your birth mother’s belly.”
To which she uttered a profound, “Oh.”
In the past, we have explained to the girls that there are many reasons birth mothers give up their children. Suffice it to say, the girls may not have born out of Yolanda’s belly, but they were definitely born out of her heart.
And finally, this question, “Is burping and belching the same thing?” one of life’s perplexing questions, no doubt in Fahlin’s brain. She has been practicing and perfecting her burping technique all summer. Obviously it has been on her mind. Now she knows, “yes, Fahlin, they are the same thing.”
So, for now, I’m back in the blog saddle, excited to continue the story of Fahlin and the all the Chapman’s. There is a lot of material yet to be explored, announced and written about. Thanks for continuing to read. Feel free to forward and share with anyone and everyone.
July 19, 2017
Jul 19 2017 10:04 AM
Vaca time in Tennessee for Falh Fahl and the Chapman Clan. Our annual trip to the beach in Florida is just around the corner, but this year, things are a little different. My wife has an extended span of time between work dates so she has decided to head off to Plano Texas and see grandbaby number two, Millicent James Chapman, and, by the way, take all the Chapman females with her.
Recently, I started doing “live event paintings” by painting wedding receptions while they are going on. I have has a wedding booked on the 22nd for some time now, so am staying behind to paint the event. Side note: the paintings are really cool, and become a cherished keepsake for the young bride and groom. Plus, I am part of the entertainment for the evening as people come by and watch and comment and even beg to be put in the picture.
Not that you would, but don’t fret for me, I will be joining them at the beach on Sunday. Anyway, can you imagine the car full of girls heading out for 11 hours, the fun they’ll have, the joyous camaraderie, the pleasantries they will exchange? I can. And can you imagine the quiet in the house? I cannot remember the last time I was alone in the house. Years. Wish I had friends I could hang out with, or play golf with, or break bread with. Ahhhh, I’m just joshin,’ I do have friends. But instead of doing stuff with them, I will be painting two bedrooms and part of a hallway. I’ve already defied death by painting the stairway then followed that up with the kitchen. It’s been a productive last week and a half. What’s funny is that I am a great artist, but I cannot for the life of me ‘cut’ a straight line in the corner of a room or along the ceiling. Never have been able to do that. Crazy.
So I have Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday to get the rooms done. I’m confident I can. But did the girls help by moving their stuff to center of the room? Or out of the room? Or into the hallway? Noooooooo. Oh well, at least they won’t be around to make suggestions on how to do the job better. Comments from the peanut gallery? That I can live without!
So be safe girls. Be extra safe, please. Say hello to number two son and daughter-in-law for me, and especially, give Millicent a big kiss on the cheek from her G-Dude! I’ll see you in Panama City.
July 13, 2017
Jul 12 2017 8:59 AM
It is that time of year again, when the Chapman family starts preparing for their annual trip to the beach, which means summer swim team is over and it’s time to tackle the ever mounting honey-do list. In order to prepare for that, we have to also take care of all the little errands that have been put on the back burner. So, we started with “The List.” I took Fahlin’s little notebook in which she writes down stuff, and made list of things Daddy needed to do, complete with boxes for checking off each errand when completed. She totally bought into “The List” and couldn’t wait to get started.
Now, mind you, Izzy, Lydia and I had just returned from a swim meet in Georgia. On that trip home, we got off to eat in Chattanooga, but when we did we hit a HUGE, unseen something, whether a pothole or construction debris, I’m not sure, but it jolted the car like never before. I checked the tires before we got back on the road again; all seemed well.
Back to the list. [The tire story makes this day very interesting] So, we go out to the car and take off, but the car is driving weird. Wouldn’t you know it? Apparently there was significant tire damage from the day before and the tire was flat. Like any good father, I drove it like that to the nearest Mapco for air, thinking I could put air in the tire and continue on our way, which I did.
“Fahlin, add fix tire to our list.” She did.
Errands #1, #2 and #3 were checked off. I checked the tire. Going flat again. More air. Errands #4, #5, #6, checked off. But after #6, the tire was flat again. This time we were about a mile and a half from Tire Discounters, so rather than change the dang tire, I decided to drive very, very slowly through the city of Brentwood to the tire shop. Dumb move. By the time I got to the tire store, my tire was shredded. Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity. You would think, after all these years, I would know better…but NOOOOOOOOOO. Errand #7 was a little expensive. Fortunately, errand #8, eating lunch was accomplished at the same time the new tires were going on the car. There just happened to be a Sonic right across the street. We sat outside and had lunch. Hotdogs, corndogs and milkshakes. The girls loved it.
By this time we had been running errands for about four hours, but because of “The List,” Fahlin was engaged and enjoying the day. “The List” made the difference. Jayne was with us as well, but Jayne has always been a pretty good “go with the flow” kid. We paid for errand #7, then off to errand #9, washing the car.
“Oooo, goody, can we go through one of those carwashes with the things?”
“Yes.”
Carwash complete. Quite fun. Until… Until I went to vacuum. Yikes, half of my car had fallen off during the carwash! After s few words with the employees and manager, we got it put back together. Gheesh!
Anyway, we skipped errand #10 and head home. Errand #10 could wait. That was our Monday. But looking back, it was great day. And Fahlin put it all into perspective when we had gotten home and were listening to Mom’s ‘tireade’ (pun intended) about the tires. In hindsight, the tire was damaged in Chattanooga, yet we drove on it for two more hours. We were in danger and the tire could have caused a serious accident. “God kept his hands on you guys,” Fahlin stated. Yes, Fahlin, yes He did.
July 4, 2017
Jul 5 2017 10:20 AM
Fahlin is a great American. She even knows who our President is. When we asked whom (I wanted to put who, but spell check told me to use whom) our Vice-President is, she said, “Bill Clinton.” Okay, so she’s not completely up on current events. When asked if she liked being an American, she said, “I guess,” but then quickly added, “I like living here a lot better than in China.”
Kids. Even a kid like Fahlin, who has been so much in her brief life, just boils things down to the simplest of terms. I wish I could do that. We have taken on a lot with these little girls. I’m not sure we actually understood what we were getting ourselves into. Jayne with her brain and developmental issues, the seriousness of Fahlin’s heart problems, Lydia’s newly found ‘little person’ status (did you know if you are under 4’10” a person is considered a little person?) and Izzy’s sky-high ACT score (we expected to be good, but a 33 on a first try without any prep is impressive).
I cannot describe how I am feeling exactly. I realize that what I’m talking about now has nothing to do with the 4th of July, or who is President or VP, but with everything that’s going on in our family, my feelings are somewhere between paralyzed with fear and discombobulated, I think. I tried to talk with my wife about these things but when we get about two sentences into the conversation, we both just stop talking and look at each other blankly with this look of, “What do we do next?” on our faces. It is a difficult place for a parent to be. We should have a plan, but with so much to figure out, how can we even begin to make a plan? You know, when I pray, I stop, because I don’t know how to pray or even what to pray. This is when I turn it over to the Holy Spirit and ask for intersession. He knows what I do not know.
With the fall looming here in the couple months, I have got to figure out how all the pieces are going to work. How are we going to get Jayne to her new school and back home, my girls who go to my school schedules, and Fahlin at her school, and then where they all belong after school and how to get them there and home (wow, I was hoping that sentence would make sense, but I’m not sure it does…I’m leaving it because that is how my brain is working right now…see what I mean?).
Anyway, we still have a good portion of summer to go. I’m hoping to get things figured out by the time we head to the beach. In the meantime, I’ll still work on my paintings, get my China trip stuff together, get Jayne situated at her new school, do my summer reading, but enjoy my leisure reading more (1000 pages of Sherlock Holmes), work out, paint the kitchen and stairway, get Abby and Izzy’s rooms switched out and maybe once in awhile, grill a burger or two. I’m better off not thinking about the important stuff too much… it would drive me crazy. I think. If only I could keep things as simple as Fahlin. And to think, this blog all started with “Bill Clinton.”
June 28, 2017
Jun 30 2017 2:51 PM
This blog is simple and to the point. Our summer is crazy, and this week is the craziest. Championship swim meet. All day Friday and Saturday. Swim team party Sunday evening. Then it’s over. So for now, that’s it. I will write a real blog next week, promise….
CRAZY!
Did I mention our summer was crazy?
June 20, 2017
Jun 21 2017 6:38 PM
It hit me. As a family, we have so much for which to be thankful. But do I actually take time to stop and think about all the blessings? All the miracles? The little lives that are in our care? I think about our grown children. A lobbyist in D.C., a youth pastor in Dallas, an adoptive mom in Tampa, a soon to be graduate (with a double major) in the ’Boro. The lobbyist’s wife is a bilingual teacher, also in D.C., our youth pastor’s wife is a new mom and works at the same church, and my adoptive daughter’s husband will soon be taking over the airline business (well, maybe not soon, but eventually). We are batting 1000% in the spouse category, for sure.
So that’s brings me to the most somber of thoughts. Who takes care of the girls when we finally pass? I don’t mean to be morbid. My kids accuse me of it all the time, especially when my wife is getting onto me about something dumb I ‘supposedly’ did, to which I will respond, half mockingly I might add, “Someday you will miss me when I am not around and you’ll be wishing I was here?” But seriously, really, it is something we must face, and a question that needs asking. What is great about our big kids is that they have assured us that we need not worry. They have ‘talked.’
“Dad, don’t worry!”
A long time ago, a friend of mine from back in the old 4Runner days wrote a song, which my brothers (the Chapman Brothers, we traveled and sang with Loretta Lynn for a few years) and I demoed, which was subsequently recorded by the Oak Ridge Boys called Homestretch. The song contains a line in the second verse that says, “The dyin’s easy, but the leavin’s hard…” My bro-in-law Herbie Chapman was singing lead on the demo, but when he got to that part, he along with the rest of us were bawling our eyes out, he sang with such emotion. We left it just like he sang it, tears and all. But I have recently been listening to that song and it has profoundly touched me. That line is so…profoundly profound.
Heaven will be awesome, of that there is no doubt, and once I am there, I’ll have no worries either. Until that moment comes, the human part of me will be concerned for our girls’ wellbeing. I’m only human. But you know what? We just take everything a day at a time. It’s the only thing we can do.
June 16, 2017
Jun 21 2017 1:20 PM
It has stuck me just how much prayer our little Fahlin has received over the few short years of her life. On a lark, I Googled ‘Fahlin Chapman.’ While I didn’t expect millions of things to pop up as with most searches, over 10,000 items did. Now, not all of them are specifically Fahlin, but it did give me a sense of how big the ripple in the pond was that Fahlin has made.
From the first time anyone knew who she was as she made her way somehow to Maria’s Big House, people have been touched by this this little girl, whose inauspicious beginnings to life has turned into a miracle in the making. G. K. Chesterton once wrote, “The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.” I don’t usually understand much of anything G. K. writes, but I do understand that. People all over the globe that have somehow heard Fahlin’s story in one form or another, have prayed for this little girl. The ripple continues to expand.
I recently received this email from Brooke Carman, whom I have never met. It is unedited, honest, and you’ll see why I share it with you, and I hope you don’t mind, Brooke.
Hi Jim,
My name is Brooke Carman, and I just happened across your blog through a link from the Show Hope site, and through tears just read the adoption stories and updates of your youngest daughters. I felt compelled to reach out and let you know how much hope and courage they gave me. You see my husband and I are currently in the process of adopting the most precious 3 year old boy from China diagnosed with congenital heart disease. His condition is also very complex and has been described as palliative. On top of his diagnosis, the story you tell about Fahlin watching her friend be united with his family as she stood their broken hearted and left behind… that is our little guys story too. You see his best friend was adopted by our friends here in Middle TN back in March, and as soon as they returned home from China they told us about this little guy they had met and left behind at their son’s home, and through God’s grace we knew he was meant to be our son, and so we are working fast and furious to get to China and bring him home. We are currently watching as God continues to open doors on our journey to him. Both of our boys have lived their entire lives together in China and both have very complex heart conditions. The realities you mention of not knowing how much time we will have with them weighs heavy on both of our families now, but we believe that God still performs miracles and so that is our prayer for these boys. We are praying big, bold prayers for miraculous healing. And even if that isn’t their story we know that every moment we are able to spend with them will be a blessing.
Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your families story, and let you know how God used it to encourage my heart this morning as my family clings to hope as we wade through this journey with a very uncertain future. We will continue to put our faith and trust in God and pray for miracles!
Thank you!
Brooke Carman
Another family listened to God’s still small voice and stepped into a difficult situation, with an uncertain outcome and adopted a child in need of a family. We totally empathize. When we did that, I am pretty sure we ‘thought’ we thought of every possible outcome, but we did not even come close. I never realized the emotional toll raising two very sick, needy little girls would be so ‘roller-coaster-ish.’ I hide it well. We hide it well. Our family doesn’t know any different. Our life is our life. An uncertain future IS our future. We can’t worry about what might be. We simply live in the now. Financially, it’s not easy. Medical bills are exorbitant. The newest car we drive is seven years old. Not complaining. Our house needs serious updating which we just can’t do all at once. We just chip away at it with a new paint job here, a new stove there, but what about the sinking porch, or the garage door? Still not complaining. Seems like nothing ever gets done, and the list just continues to grow. Oh woe is me! I should be ashamed of myself. God is a big, good God. I know that. I KNOW THAT! Really, I do. I feel selfish when I let everything weigh on me and that overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed overtakes me. Pray, pray and pray. That’s all I know to do, so I do a lot. Thank you for praying with us.
So to bring it all back around, the ripple effect is huge. Families continue to be touched by Fahlin’s story, by Jayne’s story, even by other two daughters, Izzy and Lydia’s stories. And they, too come to find that there is lot of stuff that comes along with the ripples. But then his or her story touches someone that we could never touch. And I am sure some of those families need a new roof, or new car, or a leaky toilet fixed or even their lawn mowed. But despite that, the common thread through all of these stories is one, simple thread…Miracles. They are all miracles. Each and every child, and as I have said before, we get to live with them every day!
June 12, 2017
Jun 12 2017 3:37 PM
So, Fahlin has these little quirks. They are sooooo cute. One of the grossest, if that’s a word, is how she eats chips at a Mexican restaurant. We always order sour cream; because we are a family that believes everything tastes better with sour cream either in it or on it. The next time you mix up a batch of pancakes, put a dollop of sour cream in the batter. It will revolutionize your pancake eating life. Anyway, back to Fahlin’s gross chip eating quirk. She takes her chip and she basically scoops the entire bowl of sour cream onto the one single chip in her hand, then proceeds to ‘lip’ it off the chip, then eat the chip. Delicious, I’m sure.
Another food quirk is how she likes to peel her grapes. Yes that’s right, peel her grapes. She will not eat a grape until she has removed the skin, and then gobbles it right up. If she’s outside, she’ll throw the peels in the grass, if inside, she will just make a small mound of peelings on her plate. Too funny.
She likes to carry little things around in her hand. At any given time she will have a small canister, you know the kind, small, adjustable, of Chapstick with her. It could be the grape flavored, or the original non-flavored, but for some reason she must like the feel having of something in her hand. I’m pretty sure there’s some sort of psychological explanation. Another similar object she will carry is a small tube of hand moisturizer. If you ever get a chance to hold her sweet, little hand, you will immediately notice how super soft it is. Baby skin soft (I almost typed baby butt soft, but decided not to).
Her latest object is a fabric measuring tape, the kind that is made out of a vinyl like substance and easily rolled up. She carries it with her everywhere, telling anyone who will listen, “I love this! Mommy say I can have it!” Her bicep measures only five inches. But she really doesn’t use it to measure things; she uses it more like a YoYo. Roll it up, let it go. Roll it up, let it go. Over and over again.
I’m sure it has something to do with her first five years in China. I mean, I suppose if I were a small orphan child being carted off to a new land with people I just met, even though they loved me more than I understood, I would want to hang onto to something if for no other reason than to feel as if I had control over at least one thing in my life, no matter how small. I can’t imagine what she was thinking. Anyway, it’s been almost four months now, and I also can’t imagine our life without her.
June 1, 2017
Jun 5 2017 11:34 AM
I just had to write about our experience we had last night as a family. The “China Lights” exhibit at the Nashville Fairgrounds is in town through next weekend. We decided to go check it out since, well; half of our children are from China. It’s both cool and strange at the same time. There are giant dragons, huge Chinese lanterns of all sizes and shapes, lighted Terra Cotta warriors, floral walls of lights and a show that features Chines performers doing things that only Chinese performers can do.
As we were watching one of the performances, Fahlin said the classic line of all time; “I have never seen any real Chinese people before, other than my nannies!” The way it came across was quite hilarious.
One guy balanced and tossed heavy clay pottery onto his head, then from arm to arm, then flip them using only his hair. Think Harlem Globetrotters only with a clay pot rather than a basketball. Then there was this girl who rode an eight-foot tall unicycle and flipped bowls onto her head using only her foot. There was the contortionist and then the ‘mask-face-changer (in Chinese Opera tradition),’ which were both cool, but nothing compared to the guy who played the ‘Two-Stringed’ instrument called an Erhu. This guy was PHENOMINAL. If he was not a world-class performer, I do not know who is. Surely the Nashville Symphony could invite him to perform. And he did it all with only TWO strings. Amazing.
Of course, no authentic Chinese display would be complete with the obligatory signage that goes along with each attraction. It is kind of set up like a walking tour and when you get to each display, there would be a sign explaining details of what we are looking at; in both English and Chinese. Fahlin took charge and had each of us take turns reading each sign. She was really into it. Of course the translations are always hilarious, resulting in what is called ‘Chenglish.’ The English is never quite right. My daughter Izzy and I howled all night.
But we had a blast. It was a good night. Go see it; you’ll know what I mean…
May 30, 2017
May 30 2017 8:49 AM
So this summer we have some work to do. First, let me say, yesterday, Memorial Day was quiet for us. Steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, salads, just wonderful. Our dinner conversation centered on what we where looking forward to the most this summer. Most of us are looking forward to the beach, but Fahlin said she was looking forward to spending time with all her family. It doesn’t matter what we do, just that we are all doing it.
Now, back to the work that has to be done. A couple days ago, o noticed that when the two ‘littles’ (Lydia has graduated from being included in the ‘littles’ now that she will be going into the 7th grade. Izzy has become a ‘big,’ Lydia a ‘non-little,’ and Jayne and Fahlin remain the lone two ‘littles.’ But, now that all the summarizing as been completed, one thing I noticed when Jayne and Fahl Fahl spend TOO much time together, Fahlin ALWAYS ends up mad. Mad at not getting her way, mad at Jayne for not wanting to play, mad at everything. So, I put the foot down, yessiree I did! I told my wife I was didn’t know if I could stand the bickering all summer. It was, well, ridiculous!
“Not more being mad,” I edicted. “You will NOT be mad all summer. I will NOT tolerate it anymore!” So that night, while tucking in bed, I reminded her, “Tomorrow, we you will not be mean…at all…to anyone at anytime!”
It’s actually worked. Who knew? All I had to say was “No more being mean?!?!?” Well, I figured I would have to remind her occasionally, but so far, only once. Can this work? Will she keep it up? Who knows? But I do know that I will have to stay vigilant if we are to succeed in “Stopping the meanness.” Anyways, I’ll let you know how it goes. Gotta go see why everyone’s being good…
May 19, 2017
May 19 2017 8:58 PM
Sorry about not having a blog post lately. Hooboy, it’s been crazy. You would think the school year ending would be easier than the beginning of school, but I am not so sure anymore. Between my school, the girls school, summer swimming, exams, applying to another school for Jayne (wait, what?!?), spring garage cleaning, oil changes, artwork to finish, daughter finishing her last class of college, yard-work, fences falling down, teaching BA swim camp, hiring young coaches to coach for me this summer, paperwork (I hate paperwork), hauling equipment to and from various pools for one thing or another, writing our ‘story’ for Dr. Joyce Hill’s new book, and well, you get the picture, life can be crazy. You’ve all been there with similar busy-ness. I just want to slow down…just for a minute.
Even though this is a blog primarily about Fahlin’s journey, Jayne is on one of her own as well. Jayne’s special needs trump just about everything you have ever seen or heard. They are plentiful. Yet, she is doing remarkably well. While she may never be a straight A student, her teachers and support personnel think the world of her and care about her deeply. We know this to be true by the way they responded when they heard she was accepted into Currey Ingram, a school whose specific mission is to help those children who have learning differences for one reason or another, or in Jayne’s case multiple reasons or another. One teacher in particular cried. Tears of both happiness and sadness. She doesn’t want to lose Jayne. She has seen the immense amount of progress she has made and has grown quite attached to Jayne. But, not to worry just yet, Currey Ingram is expensive. We haven’t quite figured out that part just yet; let alone logistics. It is all in God’s hands.
So, summer is about to begin. Our first month will be a whirlwind of swim meets. After that, we are planning on seeing the kids. I miss the kids (the big ones). As for Fahlin, hopefully she will remember how to swim. She jumped in my lessons last night and totally forgot everything we taught her last summer. She immediately sank to the bottom and one of my young assistants had to grab her. Not a good start to class. She eventually floated, then kicked a lap or two on a noodle. That was about it. Out of gas. We never really like to push her little heart too hard. So, she knocked off for the night and walked around all big and bad with a towel wrapped around her like the big girls. Oh Fahlly Fahl, what does the summer hold?
May 11, 2017
May 15 2017 3:17 PM
Jayne and Fahlin
A Chapman Family Story
By: Jim and Yolanda Chapman
Jayne
It was June of 2006. I remember because I was leading a Show Hope Foundation trip of teenagers to China and to Hope Foster home in Beijing. I had known of Robin and Joyce Hill and had met them briefly, but at that time, only as an introduction. Of course, little did I know that the trip of 2006 was the trip where I would meet a very sick little un-named baby that would turn our lives upside down…again. I will explain.
In 2001, we had adopted our daughter, Izzy and four years later, through a series of supernatural events we adopted another daughter, Lydia. The two daughters, Izzy and Lydia brought our total children count to six. We were finished. Done. No more children.
But during those trips, something happened in my heart. Not only did my wife and I fall deeply in love with those two little girls, but also fall in love with China and the Chinese people as well.
So that brings me back to the 2006 trip. It was much like any other trip, see the sights, work with babies, see more sights, play with more babies, eta some cuisine, go back to the orphanage, shop, play, work. The most impactful day of the trip was the last night we were in Beijing before heading back to the states. I was in Robin’s office, chatting, when a nurse brought in a baby. A very sick baby. She was pathetic. When they handed her to me, they told me that she had just recently arrived (from the Xinjiang Province in western China near Mongolia) and didn’t really know any details as to how she even got to Beijing. But what was known was that she near death, very sick, in need of numerous procedures and surgeries. She had no sponsor. I was overcome with emotion. A student took our picture. It still hangs on our refrigerator as a reminder. I reached into my pocket and pulled out every penny I had, Chinese and U.S and said, “Here, let me help.” I became her sponsor. It was then that I was able to give this little girl her American name. I had always liked ‘Jane.’ My wife never liked the name. She wouldn’t let any of our other four daughters be named ‘Jane’ so I decided to name ‘Jane’ ‘Jayne,’ with a ‘y’ to make it a little more fancy. Little did I know that four and a half years from that moment, Jayne would become our daughter.
I remember the email from Dr. Joyce vividly. The area from which Jayne came in western China was not known for adoptions. Jayne’s original orphanage had done the necessary paperwork and despite the many, many special medical needs that would typically prevent a child like Jayne from even being approved for adoption, she was able to be placed on the ‘special needs list.’ We could hear the surprise in Joyce’s email as she asked us to pray for Jayne and pray that she would find a family. We now know that was Joyce’s way of telling us, “She is already adopted and YOU are going to be her parents.”
I remember calling my sister, and told her that Jayne had been placed on the special needs list and that she was eligible to be adopted, something we have prayed for all along “Why don’t you guys adopt Jayne? After all, you named her!” And there you have it. First, an email from Joyce, then a phone call from Mary Beth, and voila, Jayne was ours. To be clear, it did not happen exactly like that, we did go through proper channels by contacting our agency, which in turn found her on the registry. We started our home study and next thing we knew, we were off to Beijing.
At first, she was a sad, brokenhearted little girl. She was scared and her future uncertain. Our future was uncertain. She was born with imperforate anus, brain damage, epilepsy, one kidney and a couple holes in her heart, all of which were fixed under the supervision of Dr. Joyce Hill, for that we are eternally grateful. We were concerned with how her bowels would function, how her brain would work missing a portion, if she would have seizures or not, how active she could or could not be, especially with one kidney; if she would be able to transition to understanding and speaking English. Making a long story short And after having been home a little while my wife received a call from one of the world’s most renown neurologists (whom my sister Mary Beth had met at a fundraising event some time before). He had looked at her medical files, tests, MRI’s, etc., and he asked two questions: 1. “Was she in a wheelchair?” She was not, she ran, hopped jumped, skipped and had learned how to swim. And 2. “Does she speak?” Yes, in fact she was transitioning from Chinese, which she had spoken the first four years of her life, to English just fine, thank you. He simply said, and I am paraphrasing, “Alrighty then, that’s good, according to her records she should be doing neither. She’s good to go!”
Fahlin
Fahlin was born in 2009, April Fool’s day to be exact. Maria’s Big House of Hope in Luoyang, China had just opened. At the time it was a huge six story building painted blue with white clouds all over it. While the details of how Fahlin came to be at the Big House, she was one of the ‘Original 8’ children who arrived at Maria’s. She was a very, very sick little girl. Having been diagnosed with a non-operable congenital heart disease her prognosis was bleak at best. She was not expected to live past one. And on top of that, she was purple. Her lips, fingers, tongue, gums, and skin were all bluish-purple. Her body was working overtime to provide oxygen to its cells. Life was a struggle.
I happened to be there on a mission trip, painting large white flowers with an orange center and one blue petal on the side of the Big House. Though I was not allowed on the palliative care floor where she was, I went up anyway to hold babies. I don’t remember much from that day, other than the overwhelming feeling helplessness that swept over me.
That was 2009. We adopted Fahlin five years later. Obviously, during those five years, Fahlin defied every bleak prognosis and survived. Year after year. She was bluish-purple because of her lack of circulation. She could barely do any physical activity because she would easily get winded. Amazingly, she grew up. She got to move out of palliative care and eventually ended up on the first floor where she became the ‘big sister’ to a room full of babies and toddlers.
So how did she come to live with us? Here’s what happened. Once again, my sister Mary Beth and her husband Steven were involved. It was July of 2014 and they had just returned from China. As the Founders of Show Hope, they will often go over to check on everything. We had just sat down at dinner when Yolanda asked Mary Beth, “I’ve got to ask, how’s Fahlin?”
She looked at Steven and said, “I swear I did not say anything.” Turning to Yolanda, she said, “Why are you asking about her?”
Yolanda responded, “I don’t know, God has put her name on my heart the past three or four months.”
At that point Mary Beth began to share with us how she and Steven had watched as Fahlin’s friend Jude was united with his new family. They watched as Fahlin stood there broken hearted with tears in her eyes as her last friend climbed into a vehicle with his new family, realizing that she did not have a family. She was the last of the ‘Original 8’ babies that were the first children to reside at Maria’s Big House. Seven had been adopted, and Fahlin remained. It was at that moment when my sister asked the Show Hope medical staff why Fahlin couldn’t be adopted.
Something to effect of, “If we could find the right family, knowing full well that it would most likely be a palliative care situation, we think she could be,” was the response.
At this point, we committed to finding her a family, and, as Yolanda put it that night, “If no one else will adopt her, we will.” She looked at me knowing full well I would totally be in, of course.
She was five years old at this point. When she turned six, she possibly would have to return to the state run orphanage and leave everything behind. Dr. Joyce and my sister, and the staff doctor at Maria’s all agreed, she must not return to the state orphanage. And just like that the Fahlin ball was rolling. I think we set a record as to how fast we could get paperwork done. God set a record as well for his ‘door openings,’ which were happening at a fast and furious pace, and about seven months later in February of 2015, my wife and I along with my sister Mary Beth and her road manager, David Trask were headed to China. The amount of red tape we able to circumvent truly stretched all the way to China and back.
While Fahlin truly wanted a forever family, the initial transition was extremely difficult. She was still a very sick little girl. She was very scared. Who were these people? Where am I? She had so many questions. She understood she had what she had always wanted, a family, but now was pretty uncertain what all of that meant. She took to me pretty well, but did not seem too interested in her new Mom. We had been through this before and understood that patience and time would solve this, but it was still difficult.
With her specific heart condition, air travel was dangerous. Our doctors told us at first that she would not be able to fly. After considerable research and consultations with our pediatrician and then with the heart doctors at Vanderbilt University, it was decided that she could fly if she were connected to oxygen. The fear was he could go into heart failure at altitude. We were very concerned, of course. The Chinese government even forbade us from flying with oxygen while in China. We had to take the train everywhere, from the orphanage, to the consulate in Guangzhou and even private cars to Hong Kong from where we were to fly home. It wasn’t until later, after we had gotten home, that we found out from our cardiac team at Vanderbilt that even though we had flown with her attached to oxygen, she literally could have suffered a massive heart attack on the plane. Flying was, it turned out, was indeed that dangerous.
[We had known this and as a precaution, had made alternative plans to train her from Beijing, through Russia, through Europe to England, then hop on the Queen Mary and sail to New York where Uncle Steve would be waiting with his bus to truck her on down to Music City. This would have taken nearly a month and we were not sure there was any less risk, in fact even thought the stress of that trip might even be too much for her little body]
During one of a series of tests at Vanderbilt, echocardiograms, MRI’s, heart catheterizations, etc., etc., they had found that her blood was as thick as molasses. Having gotten that under control with blood thinners, and during one of her heart cath procedures, the doctors placed a stent in her right pulmonary artery, which would allow for better blood flow, followed by the placement of a shunt between the aorta and a very tiny left pulmonary artery, again in hopes of increasing blood flow and even growing a new pulmonary artery. Our little purple girl has made remarkable progress and, thanks to the stents and shunt, gradually turned pink. The team of doctors has since given us encouraging news that they could in fact save Fahlin’s life and offer her hope for bright future. They have mapped out a plan that they are confident will give Fahlin a new lease on life. What was once a hopeless cause with a one percent survival rate, suddenly was now an optimistic prognosis that with a couple of specific heart surgeries performed by one of the leading pediatric heart surgeons in the world, she has been given a 97% chance of getting a college education and living a productive life. Fahlin is definitely a trooper, and continues to defy the odds.
Jayne and Fahlin: What’s next?
So that is where we are. Jayne turned eleven on May 7th; Fahlin turned 8 on April 1st. Two little girls whose humble beginnings to their lives offered zero hope for any type of quality life. In fact, the only thing certain in their lives was uncertainty. But here we are, all these years later. These same two little girls have been through a lot. Their little bodies bear the battle scars of rough beginning to life and serve as reminder to us of everything they’ve been through. It was a very real possibility that God had called us to adopt two little girls who very well could have died in our arms. But now they have a family. They are thriving. The two of them have now have six brothers and sisters who dearly love them, an extended family of Aunts and Uncles and Brothers and Sisters-in-Laws and grandparents who are all committed to caring for these girls. While there are still many obstacles still to overcome, both short and long term, these two ‘fighters’ who have become fast friends have a lot of life ahead of them to live. God must have something big planned for these two, Jayne and Fahlin, because at this point they are simply, “Walking, talking, heart-still-beating Miracles,” with a capital ‘M.’
April 30, 2017
May 1 2017 7:58 AM
Grandson Nash is in town for a week. How does this effect Fahlin? Hooo boy, a LOT! The dynamic between those two is, well, a study in psychology to be sure. First of all, if you ask Fahlin if she likes her nephew, she will tell you an emphatic “No!” [Excuse me while I go change a poopy diaper.] We are not sure why, but this trip I decided to watch closely and observe.
The very first thing Nash did when he saw Fahlin was to walk up behind her, reach out with both hands, grab two full locks of hair and yank! Hard! At that moment he screaming and wailing commenced, and the battle was on. Every time Nash would come close to Fahlin, she would cry, or yell, or scream. She would get up and run to a new spot yelling, “No, no Nash!” Or, “Stay away!” Or even, “I don’t like him!”
Hmmm? So I continued to observe. And what did I find? A little girl who was not quite as innocent as she seemed. When he would walk by where she was sitting and catch her off guard, she would knock him down with a subtle push. One time he was on the opposite end of the couch and as he crawled closer to her she turned around and nudged him off the couch with a thud. She would give him the cold shoulder and even turn her nose up at him.
And so the battle raged. Hair pulls here, knock downs there. Meanness and ugliness on Fahlin’s part, retaliation on Nash’s part. Until last night. For some reason, Nash wanted to follow Fahlin around. She did not like that. So we told him to “Get her!” he took off, she screamed and took off as well, terrified of what the little monster might do once he captured her. Around and around they went, terrifying screams and giggles mixed between the two of them. Finally, down the hall they went, Fahlin in the lead, monster baby right behind. Fahlin ran into the downstairs bedroom with Nash right behind. The door slammed! Right onto Nash’s head and arms and body. The terrifying ordeal had come to a climax with violent end and the monster baby lying on the floor crying after having been smashed by the door, which Fahlin had slammed into his face. Well, it looked and sounded much worse than it turned out to be. Didn’t even leave a mark.
Epilogue:
Later that evening, Fahlin turned the tables. After putting all the terrifying moments with Nash behind her, she began to play with Nash. They ran, and played, played and ran. This morning when they woke up, they were big buds. Still are as of this moment. Ah, kids. Go figure.
The end? I think not…to be continued…
April 24, 2017
Apr 25 2017 12:52 PM
Esther 4:14b “…Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” As my wife and I navigate through these uncertain times with Fahlin, and Jayne for that matter, both of whom have severe medical needs as you well know, there are moments when we look at each other and remind ourselves that this is our calling and now is the time God has placed us where we are, in this timeframe of the world’s history; to be here for these children regardless of the difficulties we encounter along the way. This is our time.
Case in point: Fahlin is hard. Cute on the outside. Cute to everyone else, but hard. Every now and then she goes into this mean spirited, hateful mood where she will not have anything to do with her Dad. This has nothing to do with my picking on her, that is self-inflicted and purposeful on my part. This is different. It is very hateful and hurtful…that is if I were tempted to allow it to hurt. I know for certain she loves her family and her Dad. I looked at my wife and she looked at me last night. We were both thinking, “What’s up with this?” She even remarked, “I don’t know why she does this Honey.” She still calls me honey.
It prompted us to have a very serious conversation about Fahlin being ‘hard.’ I told her something like, “You know, if this were kid number one or two, I might feel different, but since she is number eight and since we have been put in this position to be her caretakers, this does not offend me at all. In fact, if anything, it makes me want to love her even more.”
Yolanda simply said, “She is hard.” We do not know what brings this on. Almost certainly it has something to do with China, her condition, her early life, her care…everything we don’t know. On the other hand, we want to help. We’ve been called to help and this is where we are at this very moment, for such a time as this.
The best thing for me to come out of all of this is that I have finally; we have finally realized that this does not seem to affect us the way things like this affected us when we were younger parents. We don’t get mad. We don’t get flustered. We don’t over-react. We actually love better. Love stronger. Pray harder. Hmmm, maybe we are finally developing wisdom? Jim Chapman being wise is not usually a phrase that is used to describe Jim Chapman. It’s kind of weird, but, after all these years, maybe it’s finally clicking. And maybe this is the piece, or should I say, peace we have needed all along that will us navigate this road ahead with Fahlin. She is hard.
April 19, 2017
Apr 19 2017 6:08 PM
I have wanted to write this blog for a while now and now is finally the time. Fahlin is “s l o w.” A slowpoke. Piddler. Dawdler. Dilly-dallier. Snail. Straggler. You get the picture? It never fails, if she is getting ready for school, she is the last one ready. If it’s church, she is the last one. If it’s just to go anywhere, she is the last one.
But there is one thing you never want to do and that’s use the words, “Hurry up!” Oh my. If you say those two words, then get ready for the storm. She panics. She immediately shuts down. She is incapable of “hurrying up.” If fact, she does just the opposite. She goes slower. She sulks. She is totally flustered when she tries to hurry. She cannot function. If she’s trying her shoes, she suddenly forgets how. If she is looking for a jacket, suddenly she cannot find one. She gets upset. She huffs and puffs and snorts and stomps and mumbles under her breath.
It’s quit comical, but she doesn’t see the humor in “hurrying.” Of course, as you all well know by now, me being the great Dad that I am will fan the flames by adding to her stress. I will pick on her and her attitude by mocking her (in a fun Dad way of course, not in a mean spirited way). My wife will say something like, “Jim Chapman, stop agitating her!” or I’ll pick her up and kiss on her when she doesn’t want to be picked up and kissed on. Always makes things worse, according to my wife (with whom I often disagree on this point).
Eventually, she gets her act together, but not until we’ve exhausted every word of encouragement we can think of. Rare is the occasion she is first. It happens, but not often. I think we have finally realized that this is who she is. Fahlin the slow poke. Better a slow Fahlin than not having a Fahlin at all. We’ll take it!
April 14, 2017
Apr 14 2017 8:41 AM
First of all, it is Good Friday as write this, the first day of Easter weekend, which is without question the greatest series of events ever to have happened in the history of the world…PERIOD. I do not want to forget that as we celebrate our risen Savior, Jesus Christ.
I love fixing breakfast for the girls. I love eating breakfast. In fact, I recently told my family (not to be morbid as they often accuse me) that if I should happen to pass away (I’m not planning on it anytime soon, mind you), I want breakfast foods at my funeral. But, I digress.
Fahlin just made me laugh by something she said. As we were talking, I was asking her if she ever ‘thinks’ in Chinese, because the other day, I could have sworn she was speaking Chinese to Jayne.
She said, “Dad, we were pretending to be Chinese!”
What?!?!? They were PRETENDING to be Chinese. Hmmmmm. I think they ARE Chinese. Well, we have come to the realization that while our girls may appear to be Chinese on the outside, they are far from it. They are as Anglo-Saxon as it gets, I think. I’m not even so sure they realize it even when they look into a mirror.
Fahlin is the best dinner (breakfast) conversationalist we have. You never really know what she will say next. So when she finished her breakfast, she put her stuff away, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I remarked that she had the softest skin of anybody on the world.
“You’ve told me that before, Dad!” she said in her Fahlin tone.
“Well, you do,” I said. “Why do you think that is, sweetie?”
She looked at me and softly replied, “Because of my special heart?” It was more a question that a response, but wow, what a thought.
“You know,” I said, “I bet that does have something to do with it. How ’bout I ask the doctor about next time I see him?”
She nodded and ran off. I guess I will ask him if that has anything to do with her soft skin. But that was our Good Friday breakfast conversation.
The rest of the day will be rather somber. A teacher friend and colleague at school passed away this week rather suddenly. The service is today, Good Friday. I know now, however that Coach Campbell is truly experiencing what the resurrection of Jesus made possible all those years ago, and seeing first hand, that for which we long…
April 10, 2017
Apr 11 2017 9:11 AM
The cardiac team of Vandy doctors have convened. They present cases and information on Thursdays. We had been waiting for news, and now we have it. First of all, Fahlin is doing great. Much to the surprise of the team, she continues to defy all odds up to this point. She is a miracle child and we never lose sight of that fact.
It appears we now have somewhat of a plan for the next six to twelve months for Fahlin. The heart cath revealed a lot of helpful information. Her new pulmonary artery is growing, though not as significantly as they had hoped, but by the same token, nothing to be alarmed about as well. In order increase the blood supply they put two new stents in that area. Her left lung however, has continued to amaze everyone with increased growth in all her ancillary vessels. They are five times bigger than a year ago. This is very good. They also informed us that she has two smaller holes in her heart that they must not have previously seen, but do not seem to be too concerned about.
Anyway, all of this is good news. The plan is to be in NO hurry. She will have a cath in six to twelve months, depending on how she’s doing. At that time, pressures in the heart’s chambers will be taken, measurements of blood vessels and arteries will also be taken, all in preparation for the next step, reconstruction and re-plumbing of her heart. The fact that she continues to grow is HUGE. They say they are in no immediate hurry, no reason to hurry. They want to get it right.
We want them to get it right as well. I cried. The thought of having our daughter go through major open-heart surgery (even more major than the first) is quite daunting. Our eight year old. Serious. Very serious. Scary, so scary. But, deep breath here, we have time to wait, pray, prepare and nurture Fahlin as we endeavor to provide her the best quality of life we can give. The best love we can give. The best family she could have. What the future holds, we do not know. Life is precious. Life is short. We know she is in good hands. We have all the confidence in the world in out cardiac team. But ultimately, she is in the only hands that truly matter, God’s. There are no better hands.
April 4, 2017
Apr 5 2017 8:00 AM
Last night, after grilling burgers and watching Wall E, which Fahlin had never seen, and after eating said burgers, the ‘littles’ stayed out at the table to draw and write. Jayne drew a picture of a large footed girl, who I called the ‘Large Footed Girl’ and Fahlin wrote a story on her white board. For some reason, she loves that little white board, well, any white board for that matter. She draws and writes on them all the time.
I know the impact these girls have had on my life to this very day, ever since our 16 year old was placed in our arms, but I have often wondered what is going through their minds? Especially now that they are getting older and are now understanding more of how their lives have been changed. And especially Jayne and Fahlin, who actually spent years in China before being adopted, I’m sure there are memories in those brains of theirs. So often, they keep those thoughts to themselves, but no so much last night. Fahlin started writing a story on her white board. I usually don’t pay much attention until they are about finished and even then when I read them aloud, I change them and the girls get all riled up that I am not reading their story correctly. They hate it when I do that (I however, love messing with them).
But, last night Fahlin’s story started out with, “Once upon a time there was a little baby from China…” ok, brace yourselves and be ready to cry. I am going to share the entire with you. It’s not very long, but wow, so poignant.
“Once upon a time there was a little baby from China named Xue (Fahlin’s given name), who had no parents and was very sad. But when she was about to cry a mother was walking in. She knew that the mother would be hers. The end.”
It wasn’t the end, it was only the beginning…
March 31, 2017
Apr 4 2017 3:15 PM
March 31st, “Birthday Eve” for Fahlin. Yes, tomorrow Fahl Fahl turns eight. Not too shabby for a little girl who was not expected to see one. Since her most recent heart cath, it took her awhile, but seems to have rebounded quite well after her initial tough first few days afterward. Poor girl has been through a lot so far and she still has a long road ahead.
Let me tell you about something I have learned. One thing I’ve indeed learned about Fahlin is that while she is one tough cookie, she is a bit squeamish when it comes to her dad’s injuries. I’ll explain. This week, Daddy nearly cut his pinky finger off. Yep, nearly severed. I wont go into the gory details, but it was bad. So bad, in fact it required seven stitches to sew it back together. I told Fahlin that what helped me get through the ordeal was ‘If Fahlin can go through heart surgeries, I can surely get a few stitches.’ She was my inspiration. But what I did not know is that she wouldn’t look at my finger when I changed the bandages. She thought it was gross. She has had gadgets, gizmos, wires and IV’s of all kids hooked up to her and yet she won’t look at my finger. Funny girl.
So, getting back to the birthday girl, no we do not any big plans planned…yet. Since Jayne’s birthday is coming up in May, we think we are going to do a tandem birthday party for both the girls. I’ll let you know. But for now, Fahlin has decided she wants ONLY Mommy and Daddy to take her shopping for her gift. She wants flip-flops, of all things. Flip-flops. That’s what I love about all our girls, they rarely ask for anything, and if they do, it’s usually something simple, like this. so, for now, happy birthday Fahlin!
March 26, 2017
Jim Chapman
Mar 27 2017 1:00 AM
Sorry it’s been a week since the last blog, didn’t mean to leave you hanging about the outcome of Fahlin’s heart cath. We did come home last Saturday, but the procedure kicked her little cutie [petootie] (can’t find the correct spelling) this time. However, like any good parents, we sent her off to school on Monday, fingers crossed. No word, so she must have done okay. When she came home, she flopped down on the couch, got out her kindle and didn’t move. Usually, she goes outside to play, but not this day. The same thing happened on Tuesday, then Wednesday.
Thursday, we, again being the great parents we are, took the girls out of school for the rest of the week, since it was actually my spring break and we wanted to get out of town for a few days. When the spring breaks don’t line up, it’s tough to plan anything. So it was off to my sister’s Lake-house in Kentucky.
But once we arrived, Fahlin seemed to have a whole new energy level. We assume it was because of the interventions the doctors did during the heart cath. Where the shunt was initially put in, they widened it a bit with two new stents. We were able to see the before and after pictures from a year ago. The new blood flow that the shunt provided to Fahlin’s left lung has paid huge dividends. The amount of vein growth into her lungs is five times larger than before (a year ago). It is amazing. They had expected more growth with the artery, however, they were not disappointed at all. What all this means I do not know. We will know more this week when the team conferences together on Thursday to discuss options.
It is quite journey. She is quite a little girl. And by the way, for the weekend, team Chapman caught 12 fish; Fahlin reeled in two. No, they were all on the small side, except the monster catfish Lydia caught, and the 10” Crappie Jayne reeled in. We threw them all back. After all, it’s not about the fish, its about the cherished time I have together with the little girls while I still can enjoy it. I know I had a blast. I’m pretty sure they did as well.
And for the record, my wife is the only Chapman who didn’t fish…tsk, tsk, tsk.
March 16, 2017
Jim Chapman
Mar 16 2017 1:00 AM
Tomorrow is Fahlin’s heart cath. It’s interesting to see how our perspective on things has changed since our adoption of two special ‘situation’ little girls. Way back in the day, college days in fact (Wright State University), I worked and coached at a residential center for [retarded citizens] (that’s what it was called). I’ve always been a kid person, and special needs children have always been one of my passions. In fact, let me tell you a story then come back to my initial idea.
The little boy’s name was Eddie. Eddie was Down’s syndrome. He was about 11 when I started working at the residential center as a freshman in college. He had a problem with pulling the fire alarms. He couldn’t help himself. If he saw an alarm, her pulled it, and yes, the fire trucks would come rolling up. Over the course of the next four years, the staff finally was able to get Eddie to control his urge to pull the fire alarm. He was a cute kid, lots of fun and was my favorite. He called me “Chappin.’” I loved that kid.
I remember it was my senior year, I was ready to graduate and I had turned in my notice because it was off to the real world (not that this wasn’t the real world, it was a very real world in which these kids lived, but you know what I mean). I had told Eddie that I was leaving him. In his own way he was sort of saddened. But my last day with Eddie at the residential center was a day I will never forget. I’ve often thought that that day would be great, heart-wrenching ending to Hallmark movie.
I clocked out for the last time and went to find Eddie. He was in the gym. “Hey, Eddie, come here!” I yelled.
“Yes, Chappin,’” he said as he came running over.
“You know Eddie, this is Chappin’s last day. I am leaving and not coming back.”
He looked at me with his sad little Down’s syndrome eyes. He was about 15 by this time. They where watering a little. As were mine.
“How would you like to pull the fire alarm one more time, Eddie?”
“REALLY, Chappin?!’” His eyes lit up. He gave me a big hug.
“Yes, really, Eddie…Go ahead, it’s okay,” I said. With that he turned and ran toward the other side of the gym toward the fire alarm, and I turned and walked out the door, across the parking lot toward my car. As I climbed in and started the engine, I rolled down the window and listened. Yes, Eddie had pulled the fire alarm. I waited a minute or two before leaving, savoring the moment and hoping Eddie wasn’t about to get into some sort of big trouble. Sure enough, the fire trucks were pulling in as I pulled out.
True story.
Now, back to my original point. How full circle has my life been? Starting out, pre- marriage even, my life involved special needs children. And now, here I am, all these years later, married, 600 kids, and poof, two little girls come into our life and they have special needs. Who knew? Maybe those formative college years at the residential center taught me something that we as a family are subconsciously doing right now with our ‘littles.’ I know we say ‘yes’ to these girls quite a bit more than we ever did with the others (we don’t encourage pulling fire alarms, however). Anyway, special needs mean special circumstance and special circumstances mean special procedures. We as a family seem to be getting used to heart caths, brain scans, and surgeries and take them in stride. I hope we don’t get too used all this, I mean after all, we’re dealing with serious brain (Jayne) and heart (Fahlin) issues, not a tonsillectomy. I simply long for and pray for the day when everything is behind us and we get on with the normal part of life, but then again, I guess this is normal for us…Isn’t it?
March 10, 2017
Jim Chapman
Mar 14 2017 1:00 AM
We are one week away from Fahlin’s next heart catheterization at Vanderbilt. It was almost a year ago when she had her last one. This time, the doctor’s want to see how her first surgery is progressing among other things. It is pretty amazing how well she has been doing since her heart surgery. As you have read in this blog, her color has improved exponentially from purple to pink (I should write a song with that title), her energy level has gone through the roof and she has shown many sides of her emotions and personality traits that we did not know existed. I’m pretty sure that last one is not related to the surgery, but rather just Fahlin pushing the envelope a bit.
We have coasted through this most recent time period. When I say coasted, I mean as far as health issues have gone, things have seemed pretty normal. No trips to the emergency room, no illnesses, no flu, no fevers. Pretty good run of good fortune I must say, and for that we are thankful.
But, as always, whenever Fahlin goes into the hospital, I become a bit apprehensive. After all, when you have a wife who works in the health care profession, and you hear some of the non-hipaa violating stories she tells, it can get a little frightening. I’m an emotional kind of guy as it is; what I don’t need is a reason to be even more emotional.
The comforting part about the whole thing is we have gotten to know and have gotten comfortable with Fahlin’s doctors. Her cardiologist is awesome, the cath-lab doctor is awesome, the surgeon is awesome; the whole entire team is awesome. We know that aside from obviously being in God’s hands, she also in good earthly hands. While we never want to take anything for granted, we know that the highly trained doctors with whom God has allowed us to be surrounded by are blessings themselves. So here we go again, round two, next Friday. It’s off to Vandy and the cath-lab.
I will now take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
March 4, 2017
Jim Chapman
Mar 4 2017 1:00 AM
Tonight was a first for Fahlin. She got to go to the Grand Ole Opry. And not to the Grand Ole Opry, but backstage to hang out and watch her Daddy sing with her Uncle Steve. Yes, the ole Bro-in-Law called and asked if I would I would sing with him at he Opry. Are you kidding me? Of course!
Now, it’s time for a little backstory. Way back in another lifetime a few years ago, I was in a band called 4Runner. We were signed by a man named Harold Shedd to his Polydor record label in the mid-nineties. He discovered such acts as Alabama, Billy Ray Cyrus and Toby Keith. And then us. To make an interestingly long story short, we were and instant hit in country music and climbed to the top of the charts almost immediately. It was a fun ride. Narvel Blackstock, Reba McIntire’s husband was our manager. John Huey and CAA was our booking agent. Buddy Cannon and Larry Shell our producers. The dream team of all dream teams surrounded us.
As a result of my time in the music business, I had the good fortune to sing on the Opry stage numerous times including the many times I was asked to fill in for one of the Carol Lee singers as the house bass singer. Since those days, while I have had opportunity to sing out at the Opry, they have been less frequent in recent years. So naturally, when SCC asked, I responded with a resounding yes. We sang My Redeemer is Faithful and True, and believe it or not, Herbie, Steven’s brother and I also sang BGV’s (that’s background vocals for those of you not in the music business) on Steven’s rendition of the old George Jones tune, He Stopped Loving Her Today (there’s a backstory here, too; buy his knew book and find out).
Fahlin did not truly understand the historical significance of the Grand Ole Opry, nor did she understand what was going on. She was just kid enjoying the entire experience. Her Aunt Mary Beth was there, cousin Rachel and of course, people who knew her but whom she didn’t remember knowing. Anyway, she got a cool wristband and a sucker and that is what seemed to make the evening memorable.
Finally, we went to eat across the street at Cracker Barrel and the server asked her if she was at the Opry. “Uh huh, yes,” she said.
“Tell her where your seats were, Fahlin,” I said.
“Back behind everyone.” I’m pretty sure the server thought she meant she was sitting behind some big oaf, blocking her view. What she didn’t realize was she meant ON STAGE at the Grand Ole Opry. Yep, pretty cool first trip, Fahl Fahl. I guess I should have gotten her a GooGoo.
February 28, 2017
Jim Chapman
Feb 28 2017 1:00 AM
The weather has been so nice lately, almost unseasonably nice. I’m not complaining because I can always do without winter. So the other day, I’m sitting out front on the porch, watching the girls play and ride their bikes. They are fun to watch, but the thought crossed my mind, whatever happened to the days when we would let kids just go outside and play? Times must have changed, but when? I pondered that very question for a while.
Anyway, Jayne fell out of a chair; Fahlin wanted in the wagon, Jayne wanted to shoot baskets and ride her scooter, Fahlin her bike. All of a sudden, I hear Jayne, “Hey, Dad, can we go to Miss Laura’s?”
“Yep!”
They headed off down the road to Miss Laura’s. They were gone. So, like any good Dad, I got out my I Pad and watched a show while enjoying the evening. Then all of a sudden again, I remembered I needed to start dinner, as my wife was out with a friend.
“Girls!” I bellowed. The sound echoed through the neighborhood. “Girls!” I yelled again. “Jayne…Fahlin!”
No girls. I thought to myself, “Oh no, did they come back and I just didn’t see them?” I went into the house and yelled for them. Not a sound. “Where could they be?” I thought to myself. I went back outside and yelled again. I started walking towards Miss Laura’s. Whew! I saw Jayne’s pink basketball flying through the air. They were at Miss Laura’s. Of course, even though I may have ‘lost’ them for a minute, I still had to lecture them on the virtues of coming when called, however. Anyway, the girl’s were found, and the evening was saved. No one knew I was panicked, and besides, the hamburgers were delicious, by the way. I’m really glad I didn’t really lose them. That would have been terrible.
Yolanda was none the wiser…until she reads this, of course.
February 22, 2017
Jim Chapman
Feb 22 2017 1:00 AM
You know, just when you start to wonder what good you are actually doing in the world, something like this happens. I know we are doing what we are called to do by raising these ‘littles,’ but sometimes it does the soul good to hear positive things that do indeed remind you of your place in this world. I have left this exactly as I received it on Facebook. There are a lot of little backstories to go along with this and it brought back a lot of memories. Hope you enjoy it…
Dear, Mr. Chapman My name is Jarl Pedigo and I used to be one of your students. You we’re my art teacher at Christiana Elem., Roy Rodgers Jr High, and Cedar Grove. I believe my first broken vivid tangerine crayon was in 2nd grade which was also the year I learned the most famous art song of all time called “I love art”. When I was 14 I lived in the town houses not far from you in LaVergne and would stop by occasionally to say hi. It’s been over 15 years since we last spoke and quite a few times I’ve tried to find you on Facebook to contact you. Mr. Chapman, you saved my life through art as a child and even into my adult years. My home was always broken, I bounced from school to school, home to home throughout my parents relationship. I was very troubled as young kid and even into my mid 20s my troubles lingered. I’m 34 now and I’ve found peace and made a new life for myself in CO. During my years in TN I struggled trying to balance being an artist and working. I’ve played piano since I was 4 and when I was 15 I started getting into producing, mixing, and mastering music. Through my ups and downs I consistently stuck with my arts. 2 years ago I was offered an amazing job in CO if I would help teach an old friend how to produce, so I took it. My life has changed dramatically over these last 2 years. I count my blessings and I am so thankful I had someone like you as a child who taught me a broken crayon is a good crayon. They say the biggest thing you can do in life is help someone who can never repay you, and that’s what you did for me. From the bottom of my heart I want to say thank you and to let you know youve made an impact on my life in a way that I will always be humbly thankful for. I wish you and your family nothing but the best life has to offer and sincerely appreciate you being such a great role model and inspiration for little ole me. With never ending gratitude, Jarl Pedigo
Thank you Jarl!
February 15, 2017
Jim Chapman
Feb 16 2017 1:00 AM
Well, Grand-baby Nash is in town. Yolanda put Nash in the car and went to pick up the girls from school. As soon as Fahlin climbed in the car, she looked at Nash and immediately went into her ‘angry-eyes-I’m-not-happy-about-him-being-here-and-I’m-going-to-pout-now,’ mode. Sigh. Yes, little Fahl Fahl is jealous of ‘littler’ Nash. She will have very little to do with him. Of course, we tell her that the job of an Aunt is to have fun with her nephew. She is not thrilled with that job description.
“Fahlin, do you think we like Nash more that you,” I asked?
“Yes, you do.”
“What? You are crazy? We love both of you!”
“Hmphhhh,” came the response.
That’s how it goes in the Chapman household with Fahlin. One day she’s happy as can be, the next day she’s jealous. One day her heart hurts (when she doesn’t want to do something), the next she has ‘Super Cheetah Speed.” One day she watches Netflix and we never hear a peep, the next, it’s fighting with Jayne.
My Dad recently asked me, “Is your life the way you want it?”
Without hesitation, “Yes, Dad, yes it is.”
No doubt about it, God has us right where he wants us. It’s not necessarily easy, but easy isn’t in the Bible, and that’s okay. We just continue to take it as it comes. One day at a time. Sometimes we take it in stride, sometimes it’s stressful, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and sometimes, well sometimes we just take a deep breath, put our head down and trudge on.
Can’t wait ‘til little Millicent (our Grand-daughter in Dallas) shows up. I wonder what Fahlin will do then? Hmmmmm[ph].
February 12, 2017
Jim Chapman
Feb 13 2017 1:00 AM
Sorry it’s been awhile since my last blog. Craziness of life stuff.
Life is complicated. I thought life was complicated when we only had our first four children. But after awhile, we smoothed everything out and kind of cruised for while. My wife and I made a great team and we figured out to sail the ship. Then God took us on a second journey. The ‘next four,’ I’ll call them. What a journey it has been. My wife and I have been a good team this time around as well, however, this time we are dealing with health issues that make this go ‘round more complicated than the first time. I guess the first four prepared us (sort of) for the next four. Only we didn’t realize it at the time.
While we had never dealt with heart issues, or brain issues, or other issues related to the adoption process, we have never lost sight of the fact that God has orchestrated all of this and put us in this position to parent these girls. If we let ourselves stop and think about everything, it becomes very daunting. If we just go and go and go, and don’t overanalyze, it seems to fall into the category of ‘just living life,’ or ‘It’s just what we do.’
But it becomes a bit overwhelming when unforeseen circumstances come up. My dad recently had an emergency appendectomy. When the appendix was removed, it was the size of a golf ball. A huge red flag. It was cancerous. Now we add that layer of upcoming exploratory surgery on top of everything else in our life and a quick trip to Ohio and, well, complicated becomes more complicated. See what I mean?
On top of that, God has blessed me with artistic things to do. A LOT of them…with deadlines. Can I fit it all in? Can I do it? Can I get it all finished? And then, my grand –son comes to town and on top of all that, I have the state swim meet and trip to Knoxville. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
…Lord, Grant me the strength…
January 31, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 31 2017 1:00 AM
It is truly amazing the amount of support Fahlin receives on any given day. People are always asking, “How’s your daughter?” “How’s Fahlin doing?” or “How’s your daughter with the heart condition doing?” We are so appreciative of everyone’s interest because we know if people are interested, people are praying as well.
I often find myself thinking about God, about life, about Fahlin about orphans about all kinds of things and how they all work together. If I think on these things too long, I get overwhelmed. I prefer the simple route, and that is this: we live in a house of miraculous-ness. Fahlin should be alive, yet she is. Jayne should not be alive, yet she is. Come to think of it, but by the grace of God, none of us should be alive. Each breath is a gift. Each moment a gift. My little girls do not understand nor do they comprehend the magnitude of their blessings of life that has been granted to them by God. I’m sure one day they will understand how close to death they once were, but also come to appreciate each and every day of life they have been allowed to live.
And I, we get to share that life with them. The other day, I was watching daughter number four, Lydia swim at the middle school championships. I started crying I do cry a lot, but not at moments like this, more so at children’s movie’s). Lydia is growing up, but she is tiny, 4’6.” The doctors are now saying, maybe 4” 8” if she’s lucky. She is technically going to live her life as a little person. A perfectly proportioned small, little, tiny human. An as I watched her swim, I was concerned about her future. I also remembered her humble beginnings, being found at the orphanage gate at five days old, umbilical cord still attached. Lydia has never met a stranger, is not afraid to do anything, extremely self sufficient, talkative, small, and I worry about her. Thing is, she doesn’t seem to be too bothered, nor even aware of her diminutive stature.
And, so it goes with my girls and me. Gifts all, blessings true, happy children. I need not worry about their future because I know who holds their future, and it’s not me. As much as I want to control everything that goes on in the lives of these girls, I know that that is not possible. The God who created everything out of nothing made these girls exactly the way he wanted and placed them exactly where they needed to be placed at the exact time to intersect our family and change our lives forever. So here we are, Fahl Fahl and her heart, Jayne and her very special brain, and Lydia, the small but mighty one. Since I do not what else to do except trust in the Lord, and as I close (In a former life I wrote and sang southern gospel music), I’m reminded of an old Bill Gaither song,
“…Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone,
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because He lives…”
January 26, 2017 — Gotcha Day
Jim Chapman
Jan 26 2017 1:00 AM
Hard to believe, but today is what we call “Gotcha Day.” Two years ago today, Fahlin became our daughter. In the two years since we have had her, she has had numerous tests, echocardiograms, and doctor visits. She has had a heart-catheterization, and a stent placed on one of her pulmonary arteries. She has been through one open-heart surgery that resulted in the now new growth of the missing pulmonary artery (yes, a new pulmonary artery is growing from her lung to the aorta…crazy to think about). She is no longer blue and has grown five inches and gained 12 pounds. She is still skinny, however. While the doctors expected success, she has far surpassed their expectations and is doing remarkably well. She is a different kid than she was two years ago. Next up for her is a second heart-catheterization over spring break in March. This is so they can see exactly what is going on. From there, a course of action that involves possibly two more open-heart procedures will be planned. While we know not what the future holds for this little girl, we do know she is a walking, talking miracle.
As you can see from the attached picture, Fahlin was more than thrilled to have a new Mommy and Daddy. Not! While she pined for family, when she finally got one, it was a scary ordeal for her. She was being taken away from the only place, the only ‘family’ if you will, she ever knew, and whisked off to a foreign land full of people who did not look like her or talk like her. While we were being attentive to her every need, she was scared. While we made sure she had clothes and food, she didn’t know if she could trust us yet. While she cried tears of sadness for leaving everything behind, we also cried. And the coat she is wearing? Two sizes too big with a huge word embossed on the back in six-inch letters, “MARY.” We still have the coat.
I remember how horrible the weather was while we were in China. It snowed almost every day. The snow was brown. It was bitter cold. And the days it didn’t snow, it was nasty and slushy and wet. One we got to Guangzhou, in the south, the weather changed. It was much nicer.
But, because of our agency provided guides, Rita in Beijing and Youyang, and Kathy in Guangzhou, the trip could not have been more flawlessly organized and we could not have been taken care of any better. They were both intently focused on making sure everything went smoothly, and that Fahlin would transition to her new family as easily as possible. They loved what they did. They loved their job. We could tell that it wasn’t a job to them; it was what they loved to do. They genuinely cared for each of us. The memories of ‘Gotcha Day’ will never be forgotten. Because of our four little girls, China will forever be on our hearts as we pray for the babies, the people and the country of China as a whole.
We hope to one-day return with Fahlin to show her where she came from. In the meantime, two years later now, we know she loves us; Jayne is her best friend and her sibling rival. Abby is her favorite big sister, she loves her big brothers but doesn’t understand why they can’t live with us. Not quite sure where Izzy and Lydia fit into Fahl Fahl’s big picture. She hates being called Fifi or Foofoo, or any other such silly name. And yes, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, she not only loves us as her parents, but she trusts us. She knows we will come home. She knows we will be there when she wakes up. She knows she will have food. She knows her Dad will pick on her. She knows Jesus and knows that God loves her. And, she knows she has a…family. Happy Gotcha Day!
January 23, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 24 2017 1:00 AM
So, on January 20th, our new President was sworn in. I had gotten home around 4:30, which is early for me, but the girls had already been home awhile. I was fixing food in the kitchen, Fahlin was doing something with her school stuff when all of a sudden, she turns around and out of the blue says, “Finally, Donald J. Trump is our President!”
I chuckled and said, “Did you get to watch the President’s swearing in?”
“Uh huh,” she said then ran off to play. I guess they watched it at school.
The entire scene was hilarious. I expected our usual banter, you know, “How was your day, what did you learn, did you put your jacket on the hook, do you need a snack?” You know, after school stuff. After all, she is only seven, and she has only been a U.S. citizen for 23 months. How does she even know anything about politics, the election or the President? I guess her class keeps ups on current events, that, or she has heard us talking with our friends or family.
It has been interesting watching Fahlin. In many ways, she is wise beyond her years. She reads way above her grade level, comprehends what she reads, her vocabulary has grown immensely, and she remembers everything, including, apparently current events.
“Who is President Trump’s Vice-President, Fahlin?” I asked, innocently enough.
“Oh I know, I know…Pence!” yelled Jayne from across the room.
“JAYNE!” out came the Fahlin crossed arms and angry eyes. “I was going to answer!”
… and so it goes at the Chapman house…I just smiled.
January 19, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 19 2017 1:00 AM
My how times have changed. I remember when I was a kid, my parents would turn me loose in the neighborhood and I would wander and play and explore. We were in a new neighborhood and there were hundreds of new houses being built all around us. It was an epic playground of discovery and imagination. And I did that every day.
When we had our boys and we moved to Tennessee, we did not move to that kind of area. The boys went outside and played, but a part of me wishes they could have experienced the joy I did while playing in those houses.
Fast forward to now, twenty years later. When my wife and I should be contemplating our future retirement years, our fist and fourth grader want to go outside and play. Of course, girls, go ahead. But times have changed. Now, we pull up a chair and watch the girls. We monitor their every move. What changed?
The world, I think. Now, I watch the girls like a hawk and when something happens like kids wandering into my girls play space, I take serious notice. And when those kids eye the girls’ new bikes, I take even closer notice. And when they run up my driveway onto my porch and ask me to take off the training wheels, well, the only thing I could think to do after nicely asking the kid what he was doing on my porch, uninvited, was yell, “Yolanda! Please come here!”
He left; my wife came. “What do we do?”
“That one kid is pretty weird. I think he has something wrong with him,” she answered. I thought, “I wonder if people think something is wrong with our kids?” If they only knew. Poor kid. His face was kind of weird looking. I later found out he was a third grader and he really does have something wrong with him. Then what in the blue heck is he doing with a new IPhone? I am shaking my head incredulously, even now.
“Time to come in girls,” we told them.
I guess the only thing to do is move…
January 16, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 16 2017 1:00 AM
Sorry it has been a week since the last blog. Had a lot going on. I was called away over the weekend to Ohio because my father had to have an emergency appendectomy. My sister and I hopped in her car and surprised him. I’m sure it was because of our presence that he is now recovering nicely.
Now, onto the Fahlin blog. I wonder if I am violating Hipaa (probably not, since I’m not sharing records)? We met with her cardiologist today. They did an echocardiogram, which gives them a lot of information, of course, to me; it all looks like colorful static. We were amused at his line of questioning. “Has she fainted?” “Has she passed out?” “Has her color changed?” “Does she seem lethargic or less energetic?” All signs of what could go wrong with her last surgery, which was now nearly ten months ago.
“No, none of those,” was our reply. “But, you keep asking us these kinds of questions. What was supposed to happen?”
“Well, we usually see these kinds of things… but, apparently in her case, it’s just not happening…which is very, very good.” Of course, I’m paraphrasing, but the fact remains Fahlin is right smack in the middle of defying ALL odds. And it continues daily.
It is time, however, he says, to move onto the next heart catheterization. It will be scheduled for sometime in February. At that point, they hope to gather more information about how everything has healed and is functioning, among other things that I probably shouldn’t go into just yet. I share this with you so will you all will know how to pray and of course, we hope you will continue to do so. We looked at a diagram of what has been done with heart so far. Very interesting. I’m such a visual learner that seeing a drawing helped me. I didn’t realize that her heart is all mis-aligned and sort of backwards. But the drawing was helpful to me for clarifying my understanding of everything. Interesting. So, for now we just wait on the office to call. Details later!
I just need to make sure I take a sharpie with next time so I can draw a face on latex glove I blow up. The journey continues…
January 9, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 10 2017 1:00 AM
I noticed something last night as I was tucking Fahlin in bed. She has all of her little stuffed animals neatly lined up along the side of her bed. I thought to myself, “Awww, how cool,” but then I thought, “How sad.” She had nothing like that in China. No ‘things’ to call her own, no clothes to speak of, nothing nice for sure. Now, she has more than she could ever imagine. So I asked her to tell me about her stuffed animals, of ‘stuff animals’ [notice no ‘ed’].
“I have owl, leopard, two dog, a chick, bunnies, pony, unicorn, pig,” she told me.
“I like the way they are all lined up,” I said.
“Uh huh.”
Each night she organizes them along the edge of her bottom bunk. A few years ago I built the bunks for Lydia and Jayne. Now, Jayne is on top, Fahlin has the bottom, along with all her [stuff animals]. I pray and pile on blankets, especially when it’s super cold outside, but she has usually thrown those off by morning, which means she is cold, which means her SATS (medical term for oxygen levels in the bloodstream) are lower because her body has to work harder to stay warm.
Anyway, I digress. How cool it is to be the parent of such a needy little girl, well two little needy girls including Jayne, but not needy in a bad way, more needy in a way of which they are unaware. They really don’t walk around knowing they ‘need’ heart surgery, or knowing they are missing a brain. They just live life to fullest. In the moment. How I envy them, their innocence, their simplicity of life. They remind me daily of just how blessed WE are. I am. And apparently I need reminded daily. So here they are, daily reminding me, whether it’s by a simple row of lined up stuffed animals, or blankets strewn on the floor, or when Fahl Fahl climbs up on my lap out of the blue, or Jayne runs bye and yells her usual, “I love you dad,” without stopping.
Life is…life! Thanks for the reminders, girls!
January 5, 2017
Jim Chapman
Jan 6 2017 1:00 AM
So here it is, the aftermath. Our final ‘big’ child, Bethany, left this morning with Nashy and headed back to Tampa. I told my wife that I kind of wanted to be sad that all the ‘bigs’ were gone, but didn’t think I could because we have to jump right back in to life in the fast lane with the ‘littles’ they left behind (oh wait, they live with us, not them…hahaha). It was great having them around because they were such a big help. They took them places, did things with them. It was much needed bonding time between the ‘littles’ and the ‘bigs.’ More so, I’m sure for the ‘littles,’ but then again, I am not sure.
But here is what’s great about having the little girls around; they serve as a reminder to me about what is important in life. When I think of their humble beginnings to life, their abandonment, their story of being found, how they came to be in the custody of the China Welfare Service, their medical needs, etc. and look at their referral pictures; pictures that show the despair in their eyes, the loneliness in their hearts, I realize there is no time for sadness because our big kids are gone, but rather it’s time to continue on as parents to these now thriving, beautiful, cute little girls (even though Izzy is 16, in this context she is lumped into the ‘littles’ category).
No rest for the weary. I don’t think I am weary, but sometimes I think it would be great if we could just get away and do nothing. But that is a selfish thought. Forgive me. We do not have time for that for sure. So on to life. Catching up with the neglected laundry, restocking the groceries, cleaning the house, heading back to work, putting away the decorations, and on and on. Come to think of it, our life is quite humorous.
We were reminded just how humorous our lives really are when our social worker, Sandy Ivy arrived at our house yesterday for her final Fahlin visit. Sandy is great. We could not have asked for a better social worker to guide us through the adoption processes of all four of our girls. She has basically watched our kids grow up. And this was the last of the last of the last of the in home the visits. It was almost sad. I was almost sad. There’s that word again. We reminisced, talked about Fahlin and her progress of course, as well as doted on the other girls whom she has known since day one, well, our day one, when this journey all started with that little girl we call Izzy and is now coming to an end for Sandy at least. That’s 16 years of adoption questions, adoption meetings, adoption paperwork, adoption visits, adoption stuff.
It has been quite a journey. To think of all the doors God opened, the stories we could tell, I should write a book. Hey, who knows, maybe one day this blog could be part of that book. The way the lives of our big kids intertwined with the little kids. The way our family dynamic morphed from one generation to another. The way we now continue to live the life we have always lived and seem destined to live for at least another lifetime. I really wouldn’t change anything. Sure, financially it can be a challenge sometimes, but God has always provided. We have everything we need and then some. Even some things we don’t need.
In China they speak of the “Red Thread” that binds our lives to those of our adopted daughters and runs through their unknown lineage. Our “Red Thread” runs from Tampa to Dallas to Washington D.C., to Chicago, all the way to Changde, YueYang, Luoyang and Wolurimshi, all in China, of course. And after this Christmas, I am convinced that that thread is stronger than ever. Amen!
December 28, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 29 2016 1:00 AM
It is now three days after Christmas. And a glorious Christmas it was. All Chapman children were in town at the same time including the two grandbabies, a rare occurrence, but the most awesome Christmas ever. As I get older, I realize it’s really all about being in the same room together at the same time. I cherish those moments.
But, since this a blog about Fahl Fahl, it was fun to watch her around her brothers. She doesn’t get to see them very often. They both have a special place in their hearts for each of the girls and they do a wonderful job of engaging them in conversation. They pick on them, spoil them, make fun of them and have fun with them.
But then, it happened. Nash attacked! One of baby Nash’s gifts was a drum from his Uncle Jordan. A seemingly cute, innocuous idea…at first. That was until he realized that the drumsticks could be used for more than just banging a drum. Yes, Nashy figured out that the drumsticks could be used to bonk Fahlin on the head. Before we could get to him, bonk, bonk, bonk, three pretty firm whacks right on Fahlin’s noggin.’ Tears…lots of them. We looked at each other. It had to hurt. If that wasn’t bad enough, the attack continued for three days before G-Dude (me) decided to hide the drumsticks.
“Fahlin, do you have any bumps on your head from Nashy,” I asked Fahlin?
“Yes,” came the curt response, the bitterness in her heart was apparent. I think she survived okay. After all, it is Christmas time. “Go play with Jayne,” Fahlin tells him. Hilarious.
It’s all good. The fam is all together, the holiday is awesome, love abounds, even from Fahlin to Nash. As I write, we are heading out to Aunt Mary Beth’s and Uncle Steve’s. The Christmas festivities continue. Fahlin can’t wait to ride her new ‘L’il Bubba’ bike around the barn, we can’t wait to see them and fun will be had by all. On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer………
December 20, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 20 2016 1:00 AM
Well, we all know what time of year it is, Christmas. Of all the Chapman children, Fahlin is shaping up to be the most ‘normal’ of them all. Or maybe I should use the word ‘typical’ here. I’m not sure what I really mean, but each of our children is unique in some non-typical manner. So, in order to get what I mean, let me try to summarize our kids.
Our oldest son, has two degrees from George Washington University, works in D.C, reads incessantly and basically knows almost everything (in a good way). Our youngest son is a youth pastor at a super-mega church in Plano, Texas. He is a pied piper of sorts to kids, fun loving, energetic, likable, a new father and whatever his brother doesn’t know, he knows, and between the two of them, they do know everything. My eldest daughter, is a loving, mother, sweet wife, talented singer and seamstress, has a heart for adoption and an even bigger heart for ‘family.’ Number four child, number two daughter is the social butterfly of the group. She also rides the emotional roller coaster life on a regular basis [Side note:] Sure wish one of you out there in reader-land knew of the perfect young man, handsome, 6’ or taller, athletic, between the ages of 23-26 who is looking for a beautiful young sparkplug of a young woman to spend the rest of his life with would let us know where she could find such a young man (she’s gonna kill me).
Izzy is our studious one. She accepts nothing less that perfection in everything she does. She’s quiet, but yet reminds me of son number one in many ways. She is pretty cool. Lydia is the comical one, although she doesn’t really know it. She is just plain funny…quirky and hilarious, random and social…unique…and tiny. We’re pretty sure she is going to end up being a perfectly proportioned little person of about 4’8.”
Jayne is goofy, and forgetful, asks the strangest questions and eats everything in sight. Then there is Fahlin, which is where I started this blog in the first place.
Fahlin is one of those kids at Christmas who, at the last minute throws you a curveball by answering the question. “If you could get only ONE present for Christmas, what would it be?”
“A bike.” I guess that is what I mean by normal. The last minute item, never before mentioned.
Uh oh. Not on her original list. Not on her recently updated list, not even on that shopping is complete list. Now what? Well, a year ago we celebrated Christmas Fahlin feeling both blessed AND relieved that Fahlin even lived to see Christmas, although she had no understanding at all about what Christmas was. Now a year later, not only does she know, but yes, she is alive, vibrant, healthier than ever and yes, I went and got her a bike. Shhhhhh. A fluorescent yellow one with big, fat, black tires, blue rims and it says “Li’l Bubba” on it…definitely not a ‘Frozen’ bike. Now Fahlin can have a normal Christmas…and we are thankful.
December 16, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 16 2016 1:00 AM
“Hurry up, Fahlin!” Apparently, we are finding out, those words must have not translated well from her Chinese days to her now English speaking days. They seem to do a couple of things to Fahlin: 1. Instill a sense of fear, 2. Paralyze her to where she cannot move, 3. Cause her to flop herself on the floor and cry uncontrollably, and 4. Slow down to a snail’s pace. She simply cannot function at all when we utter the words, “hurry up!”
What happens in that moment is purely a matter of speculation. It could be she simply doesn’t want to do or go wherever it is we are hurrying her up to do or go. It could be a power play. Remember, she likes to ‘think’ she’s in control. It could even be the ‘pressure’ of having to perform something faster than normal, i.e. tying shoes, putting on a coat, grabbing her stuff she needs to take, etc., etc., etc.
I don’t know. But I do know that it is frustrating to deal with her when she is in “hurry up” mode. Man oh man. Dealing with a distraught child who becomes paralyzed in “hurry up” mode is one of the many things as a parent I have yet to master on the list of things parents should master at some point in their parenting life.
As I think about it, if only she would get out of bed when we told her it was time to get out of bed, her life would be much simpler, but, if you’ve read this blog at all, you will know Fahlin is definitely NOT a morning person. Her sister, Jayne even said as much this morning. There’s only two more days of school until they’re out for Christmas, then maybe we can let her sleep in, catch up on her rest and then maybe Dad (me) can let her stay up later than normal and get her totally out her routine…ahhh, Christmas!
December 14, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 15 2016 1:00 AM
Man, I was just cruising along doing this thing called life with family, my kids, my co-workers, my co-coaches, my friends; things were going great. But, don’t you know it, that eerie feeling began coming over me about three weeks ago that something was going to happen to spoil it all. Never fails, if things are good, the enemy usually swoops in and goes on the offensive in an attempt to rob us of our joy.
I recently learned the difference between joy and happiness. Joy comes from within us, while happiness is determined by what happens around us. Took me long enough to figure that out. So there is was, BAM, a stomach punch right to the ole gut, then a right cross squarely to my jaw. “What in the heck just happened?” I’ve been asking myself? I hate it when stuff like this happens, but it never fails, never fails.
But then I look around me. Most of you who read this do not know what it is like to live with four former orphans, but when life throws you a sucker punch, having four little girls in the house whose life circumstances could not have started out any worse, serve as reminders, especially to me, that I am not the one in control, and no matter how big my mountain might be that’s staring me in the face, my problems, although important, yes, pale in comparison to my four daughter’s lives prior to becoming our daughters.
And as yet another reminder, tonight was Fahlin’s little Christmas play at her school. Talk about de’ja vous, our boys performed the same play, with the same teacher nearly twenty years ago. It’s still cute, still hilarious, but the difference is this time, there’s this little girl with a serious heart issue sitting right in the front, flawlessly spouting out line after line and no one is the wiser…but we are. What a miracle. A miracle baby (Jesus) being celebrated by another miracle baby (Fahlin). Sure the play was about Santa Claus and reindeer and that kind of stuff, but the teacher closed with Silent Night. Doesn’t get much clearer than that, what Christmas is all about.
So now what? I am at peace…for now. I know myself, sometimes this kind of thing can eat at me, but I’ve prayed about my situation, bandaged my wounds; watched a little girl perform in a play and thought, “How great is this? Look at her!”
December 8, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 11 2016 1:00 AM
Yolanda has returned from Dallas. Just in time, I might add. Fahlin was not doing well without the complete family unit being in tact. She needs to know who is here, whom she can rely on, who is dependable. Watching her while this is going on is both interesting and challenging. She struggles with authority. Remember, she was the ‘big dog’ in China. Here, she is not. While she has done a pretty good job of adjusting to her new role, there are still times when she can be belligerent, angry, pouty, sad, and even mean. Yes, this little adorable, cute, sweet, innocent looking child can take many ugly shapes. Please don’t misunderstand me, most of the time she IS sweet, happy and compliant. I would put the percentages at about 80/20. Yes, 80/20. You were expecting the obligatory cliché of 99%, but alas, no, she can show her dark side more often than we care to see. And when the family unit is broken up for a time, like in the instance of Mommy being gone for a period of time, or Dad out of town for one reason or another, it throws her off and she acts out. All part of being an orphan, or in Fahlin’s case, as our big kids often remind us, orphan no more.
Can you imaging the baggage some of these children must carry with them? Fahlin was five when we got her. Imagine what a huge change that must have been for her, how scared she was, how ‘new’ everything was, how strange this new world called Tennessee must have seemed. So it makes sense that she occasionally acts out. One thing we’ve learned through adoption is that we have to parent differently this time around. While we try to stay consistent with our core values, however, there are times when we just ‘punt.’ What to do? What to do?
But Momma gets home, what a change. She brightens up, smiles more, gets happy. She definitely likes having her family unit in tact, at least the family unit she knows. Just wait until the entire fam invades our home. She will not know what to do. It will be stimuli overload. It will be a sight to behold…until the babies come out. That’s right, when the grandbabies show up someone gets their nose cut off. Fahl Fahl. Yep, jealousy reigns supreme. Fahlin does not like sharing the limelight, especially with baby[ies]. So, as you can see, the Fahlin dynamic takes on many sizes, shapes and colors. And our parenting has taken many twists and turns, but y’know, I don’t think we would ever change a thing…90% of the time. Ho Ho Ho. Let the Holidays begin!
December 2, 2016
Jim Chapman
Dec 2 2016 1:00 AM
Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. Some big, some little, some life altering, some not noticed, but sacrifices nonetheless. For example, our new granddaughter was just born in Dallas. As you know from reading this blog, it’s hard for us to just up and go, so my wife is in Dallas, while I handle the ‘littles’ here at home. My heart aches to hold that grandbaby, but I have to wait ‘til Christmas. Sacrifice. I have been promised first dibs when get here, however.
Please don’t feel sorry for us. We chose this. Sometimes, though, we come across life situations that we hadn’t really counted on and realize that we never factored certain things into our life’s equation while adopting, especially when it comes to these girls of ours. For example, when our youngest graduates, I’ll be something like 110 years old and using a walker. Or how about this; by the time Fahlin is driving, she won’t even have to drive. She’ll just get in the car and it will have been programmed to take her where she needs to go. Probably not really, but our kids’ world is definitely changing. I only hope I have enough of my senses left to understand and figure out what’s going on, unlike being a young, virile parent
But I digress. I miss being with my granddaughter, my son and his wife. I missed my girls’ events this morning at their swim meet because I couldn’t be three places at once. You’ve heard this before. But, it is the life we chose, gladly I might add. The girls themselves far outweigh the inconveniences that happen in our lives, and it seems we are able to work through all those logistical nightmares. Hmmm, it really isn’t so bad. The joy I get just by watching and hanging out with the girls is something you would have to experience to fully understand. They are pretty, cool, demanding, needy and fun all at the same time.
So here I am, day three of the ‘no Mom around’ week. I got to watch Izzy swim this morning, missed Lydia, and the little girls are at the art show “helping” me. That’s “helping” in quotes. Haha. Anyway, here we go. Hope I sell some paintings.
“Hey, girls, give everyone who looks at my booth the cute face,” I tell them…maybe people will buy. [smile]
November 29, 2016
Jim Chapman
Nov 30 2016 1:00 AM
So much is happening. The year has flown by, Thanksgiving has come and gone, Christmas has totally snuck up on us (number two for Fahl Fahl) AND our daughter-in-law Ami, wife of our youngest son, Canaan, is having our second grandchild, first granddaughter, TOMORROW! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I want to pull out my hair, oh wait, I have none. On top of all that, we can’t just all up and leave to go see the baby because, well, we are not empty nest grandparents, we have a first grader in the house. So to add to my stress, yes, it’s all about me at this point (not really), my wife will be leaving early Thursday morning to head to Dallas to spend a week with the new baby, whose name I cannot reveal just yet, but it is a pretty cool name, in fact, one of my all time favorite girl’s names ever. [Side note: ever wonder why we like or don’t like certain things?] But I digress. So it will be me…alone with the girls…well, Abby will be able to help out some, I think, and thank goodness, Izzy is driving now (I say thank goodness, but I am still a nervous wreck, oops, bad pun, every time she drives). But with the big BA Art Show looming this weekend (yes, I have all my paintings finished, some 60 of them, the big Excel Aquatics prelim/finals swim meet also this weekend for Izzy and Lydia, the choral concert for Lydia, and the two ‘littles’ still hanging out all weekend with me and or Abby, and the end of the semester wrapping up including study days, one more high school dual meet, then the Williamson County Championships, not to mention exams happening all while my wife is gone….How can I do all of this? It’s so disconcerting to me that I have not been able to even start a new paragraph. Plus, something at work has happened that has me so upset that I can’t even think straight (or talk about it here, now, but it’s a problem that will require some divine intervention and possibly some time to get resolved).
Deep breathe…sigh. Repeat.
Continue. So here we go. One step, one hour, one day at a time. I’ve already started praying, for everything. The baby, safety as my wife travels, the logistics of the weekend, that paintings would sell (wanna buy one?), schedules can work out, healthy baby, my son, his wife, my girls, that this ‘thing’ at school finds a solution that works, that I wouldn’t be too overwhelmed. I’ve even decided since we have a new extra day out of school this Friday, that I am going to let my little girls skip their school and come to my school with me to help me with the art show (great Dad parenting award).
So, I’m asking for your prayers to the One that sees all, knows all, understands all, that He would help me see all, know all and understand all that is about to take place in my life here in the week or so. HELP! Man, it feels good to get this stuff off my chest.
November 26, 2016
Jim Chapman
Nov 26 2016 1:00 AM
Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was…weird at our house. For the first time since I don’t know when, we neither had visitors coming nor were we going anywhere. No big kids coming to town, no parents coming in, family out of town (Disney, I hate that for them), nobody’s house to which to go. Strange.
At first I was upset, then bummed, then saddened, then I looked around my house. I have six lovely women living with me. (I’ll have to write about how that has emasculated me sometime…) So I suggested to my wife, “Why don’t we do Cracker Barrel?” We thought about it and decided that would be our plan. “Cracker Barrel it is!” we decided.
We have started keeping track of things like Thanksgivings in what we call ‘Fahlin years.’ This was Fahlin’s second Thanksgiving. Her second Christmas is just around the corner. She is seven years old. Can’t wait ‘til she’s celebrating her sixth Thanksgiving or her thirteenth Christmas, because that would mean she is doing well. Thankfully, she is healthy enough now for us to count in ‘Fahlin years.’ A year ago at this time we were concerned she would even make it to Christmas. My what a difference a year can make in the life of a sick child. She doesn’t even act sick any more. That is until something doesn’t go her way. But as we posed the question to girls about what they are most thankful, Fahlin always lists her ‘heart.’ She is thankful for her heart. Her little three chambered, one pulmonary artery powered ‘heart.’ How ‘bout that? That is her normal. She doesn’t even know that’s not normal, but to her, she doesn’t know any different. You sure can learn a lot from kids.
So, off to Cracker Barrel it was…two hour wait (potentially bad plan). I called a different Cracker Barrel, they said the wait was not very long, whatever that meant. We drove to Brentwood, put our names in, and voila, we got seated in fifteen minutes. I, of course ordered turkey, the big girls ordered chicken fried chicken, and Fahl Fahl, well, she ordered…wait for it…PANCAKE. The Thanksgiving meal now has a new tradition started by Fahlin; pancake[s]. I hope she remembers next year. We then hit the movie, Moana…great, by the way, a little weird, but great.
But, it could not have been a nicer, quainter Thanksgiving. It was different, for sure, but sweet in its own way. I love my girls. I love my women. And for them I will forever be thankful…
November 17, 2016
Jim Chapman
Nov 17 2016 1:00 AM
Ok this is going to be the simplest blog ever. My wife was having Thanksgiving lunch at Fahlin’s school today. Fahlin had a little assignment: What am I thankful for? I hope you can interpret it…[my heart because…last year I had a heart surgery]
“my heart because… last year i had a hart surdre”
First of all, I had no idea. Second, I am in tears. What has been rolling around in that little head of hers? My gosh! So, in order to keep this simple, I am including the actual assignment, in her handwriting. Thank you for your prayers for our Fahlin.
November 13, 2016
Jim Chapman
Nov 14 2016 1:00 AM
Last night was the Show Hope dinner. I was asked to speak on behalf of those whose children have received care from one of the five Show Hope care centers. This is what I was wanting to say. I am not sure how it actually came out. Hope you enjoy it.
My wife tells me I can to ramble at times, so in order to avoid that, I have written it all down tonight. As I stand on stage with these amazing families, I am struck with overwhelming awe at the unbelievable sovereignty of our almighty creator. Just look at this…how does this happen? Well, it all started with a dream, a vision, a tragedy and a blessing and a few willing people ready to step on faith and begin a work in China to care for those orphans deemed unworthy to care for. And this is the result.
Let me introduce to a couple of ‘someones.’ This is our daughter Jayne and this is our daughter Fahlin. Their stories are mindboggling…to the point that I am still trying wrap my brain around the lives of these two miracle babies that now stand before you. No one really knows how our Jayne got to the Hope Foster Home in Beijing. I remember being there when she arrived, sick, and frail and near death. They didn’t expect her to live much more than a month or so. I emptied my pockets and said, “Here, I’ll sponsor her,” not really realizing that 4 years later we would be called to adopt her. She got her name because my wife wouldn’t let me name any of our other children Jayne. She didn’t even know I sponsored her until I got back to the states. Born with a portion of her brain missing, one kidney, imperforate anus, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and a heart issue, her list of maladies was a mile long…she had no hope (I think I actually left part of this part out). But 4 years of life later, and after a series of surgeries facilitated by Dr. Joyce Hill, Jayne was alive and living a life she would never have had, had it not been for the continued care she received in Beijing at the Hope Foster home, one of the six (I said five earlier because one of the care centers is temporarily closed) caring centers supported by Show Hope.
Then there is Fahlin, one of the ‘original 8’ as I call them at Maria’s Big House of Hope. About six years ago I was there to paint ladybugs and flowers everywhere throughout the facility, when I first met her. I don’t remember a lot about the initial meeting because she was on the 5th floor, the palliative care floor, where she was being held, comforted and cared for until she passed in the arms of a caregiver. She was the little purple girl with no pulmonary arteries who wasn’t expected to live to see one. Fast-forward 5 years. Once again, the fact that we can fast forward is a testament to the care she received at Maria’s Big House of Hope. Fahlin was about to age out and be sent back to the state orphanage, where she surely would not have survived. All of the other ‘original 8’ had been placed with families and adopted, but Fahlin had been deemed “too sick” to even have a family. She was unadoptable, according to China. My sister was there when number seven went home to be with their new family and watched as Fahlin cried as she saw the last of her closest friends leave. To make a long story short, something had to be done. My sister new Fahlin needed a loving family.
There is a lot to this story that time won’t allow tonight, but trough a series of Godly interventions, one Chinese roadblock after another was eliminated, and we were able to adopt Fahlin…with the understanding that several things could happen, all of which were bad. But at least, we told ourselves, she would have a family. Due the severe condition of her heart, she could even die on the airplane ride home to the states. If she did make it home, she most likely wouldn’t live to see Christmas, 10 months away. We were staring death in the face. But it was and is a testament to the outstanding care she received while at Maria’s that she was even stood a chance, even if it were a remote chance.
Fahlin and Jayne’s stories are same stories these families represent. What these families here in front of the stage have in common is that every one of them could tell you a story just like our Jayne’s or our Fahlin’s, about how their child that began life with utter hopelessness, no family, alone, most likely with some sort of serious medical need, in fact, they wouldn’t be in a care center if they didn’t have a severe medical need, but each one of these potentially tragic stories has gloriously unfolded into a story of life, of love and of healing. And it all started with the care these kids received while in China.
I never thought we would adopt, but we did, then I never thought we would adopt again, but we did. The thought of adopting a little girl with severe medical needs didn’t cross my mind, until we did and finally, adopting again? A child with a serious heart condition? What were we thinking? But we did. And I am 100% certain, that each and every family represented here tonight answered God’s call without hesitation. It’s not easy what these families do. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. At time inconvenient. I know. It takes sacrifice. It’s not about us; it’s about them, the children. And to a family, I can assure you; each family here would do it all over again. Repeat. We would do it all over again.
Many people have answered the call to adopt. Many more have answered the call to care. From the original 8 to the six care centers now in existence the work of Show Hope continues to grow. Its effect can be felt throughout China as many state run orphanages now use similar models for the caring of their children. And to those of you who have worked and continue to work in those care centers, From Dr. Steve, to Robin and Joyce Hill to the housekeeping staff, the kitchen staff, the nurses, and the Ai’s to ensure that our babies are as healthy as they can be when we come to get them, a simple thank you does not seem enough. But yet thank you is all I have. There are no words adequate enough. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
November 11, 2016
Jim Chapman
Nov 12 2016 1:00 AM
The Show Hope celebration and fundraiser event is coming up this weekend. It’s a time when friends and supporters of my sister and brother-in-law’s foundation gather together in Nashville for weekend of celebration, concerts, fun and fundraising.
The Show Hope Foundation supports six care centers in China, which in turn take care of nearly 600 very sick orphans. Not only that, they also offer grants to adoptive families, provide post adoption counseling, host multiple mission group trips and much, much more (I sound like a commercial). It takes millions of dollars to do what they do. Because of their work, many families have added a child to their families.
I get to represent the families who have adopted a child from one of Show Hope’s care centers and to speak on their behalf to thank the caregivers in China who were instrumental in nursing our children to health. We, of course have two, Fahlin and Jayne. Aunt Mary Beth wants them to be there tonight at the big dinner because apparently, people are asking to meet them. People who have read this blog, people who have heard Steven and Mary Beth speak of them, people who saw them while on a trip to Beijing or Louyang and who want to see them again and see how well they are doing. So the girls get to go with us to the dinner tonight, at Aunt Mary Beth’s invitation.
It should be a fun evening with SCC doing a short concert, Randy Frazee speaking awards to be given, food to be eaten, it should be a great evening of fellowship. Mike Hamilton (yes, that Mike Hamilton), the executive director of Show Hope will be leading the festivities. Mike is an awesome dude. He and his wife have adopted five children, so who better suited to the lead the charge than Mike? I have saved my speech I’ll be giving and will post it next blog. It’ll be a great night.
October 27, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 27 2016 1:00 AM
I’m sitting here on my back porch, watching the small fire I’ve built in the fire pit. It’s a beautiful evening with a slight breeze and the fire cannot decide if it wants to burn or not. Usually Fahlin and company would be here asking if we could have s’mores or we would be cooking hotdogs, or just hanging out, but tonight, they are in bed.
It’s about 8:45 PM and I just wanted to sit out here and gather my thoughts. I’ve had lots of thoughts lately. I don’t even know how to organize them, or where even to start. They usually involve worry. Yes, worry. I worry (even though the Bible tells us not to) about the ‘littles’ a lot. I worry a lot about Izzy now that she has started driving…by her self! Not sure how that fits into this blog, if it even does. Maybe it’s more concern than worry. Yes, I’ll go with concern. Maybe it’s all just me ‘being weird’ as my wife calls me. Maybe it’s just old age or sentimentalism but I know that I am definitely being ‘something.’ Don’t know what, but something.
Could it be the juggling act of being old and young at the same time? Having grown children and a seven old at the same time? Not in the same house, but you get my drift. Could it be I’m in a house with six women, the youngest of which has a major heart issue? Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s an overwhelming fear that I won’t be able to provide care, or even Christmas presents one year. Silly, I know, but that’s me, I guess.
Well, I’m taking this space in this blog at this time to blame it all on Fahlin, as if she doesn’t have enough to worry about (tongue-in-cheek). She has brought all of this on. She’s such a trooper. She’s so cute, so intelligent, how can the God of this universe find me to be fit enough to be her father? That’s it! Eureka! It’s the pressure to be the best Dad I can be to this little girl that is doing me in. More thoughts flooding my head. To think about the despair from which she came to now and everything in between, my tiny brain cannot handle it. I just want to sometimes yell “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Deep breath. I feel better now letting that out. Thanks Fahlin! Smile.
October 21, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 23 2016 1:00 AM
Fahlin’s class went to the zoo the other day. Grassmere. It seems like forever ago, yet it was only less than two years when we in China at the Guangzhou Zoo with Fahlin. Since it was the beginning of our fall break, I was able to go with her. I wondered if she would remember her trip to the zoo in China. She has on occasion talked about feeding the giraffe[s] at the Zoo, so it is apparent she definitely has memories of her Zoo trip in China. At that time, she could barely walk any distance at all without getting winded and therefore was riding in her ‘Happy Dino’ stroller. She remembered feeding the Giraffes. People would stop us and ask us (through an interpreter) why she was purple. She was one sick little girl. My, how far she has come.
So here we are, walking into the zoo with the rest of her class and she says, “Where are the Zebra[s]?”
“The Zebras?”
“Uh huh.”
So, after the class got situated, we sent our separate, merry ways. “We need a map, Dad.” I wish you hear her tonal inflections when talks. It’s kind of a cross between valley girl and sassy. Most of the time it’s her normal and cute self. Fahlin just being Fahlin. This was a normal time. So off we trudged back to the front gate to pick one up. And boy, she didn’t let that map out of her grip. Once I showed he where we were, it was off and running time. She couldn’t wait to see the Zebras. It didn’t matter which exhibit we were viewing the question was always. “Where are the Zebra[s]?”
I would show her on the map where we were in relation to the Zebras. “Fahlin, don’t worry, we are almost at to the Zebras.” She couldn’t wait. But one thing I did notice, she had a whole lot more energy at Grassmere than she did when she was at the Guangzhou Zoo. Except. Yes, except when she was going uphill. She would stop, look at me, raise her arms and give me the “I’m tired,” look. So up on the shoulders she would go. Walking uphill with an addition fifty pounds on me was quite the workout. But well worth it. Fahlin was having a blast. We finally arrived at the African Sahara part of the zoo. She was disappointed she could fee the giraffes, they were too far away from us, plus they don’t do that at Grassmere, apparently. Finally, low and behold, we saw the Zebras and wouldn’t you know it, all we could see were their behinds? Very anti-climatic, I must admit. But rather than stay and dwell on the beauty of the Zebras, Fahlin was off to the next exhibit.
“Fahlin, don’t you want to stay and look at the Zebras?” Apparently not. It was off to the Kangaroos, and the Tortoises, and the Tapirs, and the Red Pandas and the….
October 17, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 17 2016 1:00 AM
How does Fahl Fahl do in school you might be wondering? Glad you asked. In a word, GREAT! I have included a picture of her report card and as you can see, it is pretty great, considering everything she has been through. I guess now would be a good time to reveal how Jayne is doing as well. Three “C’s,” one “B” and one “A.” My first thought is a terrible thought, “not bad for a little girl with half a brain.” She is awesome, by the way, and goofy, and unorganized, and messy, and very loving. Then there is Lydia’s first grade card from Brentwood Academy, four “A’s” and two “B’s.” We didn’t know what to expect, so we’ll take it. Then there is Izzy, Fahlin’s sophomore sister, also at BA, that does not get much mention in these here blogs, but I think the number “4.5” says it all. As Darth Vader would so aptly say, in Episode IV, A New Hope, “Impressive, most impressive.”
But, back to Fahlin. As I look at her card, I notice she is reading what they call “beyond” her grade level. Of course, we knew this, because she has started reading chapter books, usually a good indication. And she will tell you about the book. When it comes to writing, she struggles a bit. I don’t know if it’s content or penmanship they are grading, but suffice it to say, Fahlin is better color-er of coloring books than a calligrapher. Just sayin.’ She is brilliant in math. In fact, she will sit around sometimes working on a math workbook that is not school issued and work math problems for fun. What is wrong with that child? Who does math for fun? Everything else is above grade level as well.
But this leads us to our next dilemma, which has been playing out the past few months and will most likely continue going forward, and that is the fact that often times, Fahlin helps Jayne on her homework. That’s hard to watch. I know Jayne struggles, and Fahlin loves to help, but the sibling rivalry between these two inevitably rears its ugly head on these situations. Sometimes we will even hear a big “smack” followed by Jayne running to us and telling us Fahlin hit her. Often times Fahlin will resort to orphan survival mode, even when it is absolutely not necessary. All of needs are taken care of, but sometimes she loses site of that. She is after all, a kid who has been through quite bit, which is an understatement to be sure.
So, all this talk about grades has led us to the growing, maturing Fahlin. The one who sometimes is too big for her britches, stubborn beyond reason, bossy and emotional. All signs that she is healthier than she has ever been, adjusting well to her new surroundings, fitting in with her family and growing up. What she fails to remember is that she is still a skinny, cute little girl who sometimes needs to be reminded about her place in the pecking order. She has gone from top dog to low man on the totem pole. Hard, I’m sure.
As for Fahlin’s schooling, she is in good hands. We love her teacher, Patty Short. Patty will be missing a few weeks because of exploratory surgery to check for cancer. Patty is awesome. We have known her for thirty years. Pray for her.
October 15, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 15 2016 1:00 AM
It has been about a week since my last blog, you know, the one about, dare I say it? Fahlin and boobs. Sorry about that, but it was after all, a milestone. But now on to deeper, more important things. I have on occasion been known to be sullen, pensive, and even quiet at times (yes, hard to believe, I know), especially when I think about the current state of our family’s life status. My mind just goes Ahhhhhhhhhh! I shake my head and my heart palpitates…for no apparent reason. Yet, here I am in one of those times, at one of those crossroads. How did I get here? Work is going better than ever. Although Fahlin still does that ‘fake-angry-cry’ thing when she doesn’t get her way, the rest of the kids are doing great.
So where does my emotionalism come from? It starts with Fahlin and ends with our youngest son the youth pastor, Canaan and his wife Ami. Let me explain, or at least try to explain. We are in an unusual life circumstance. Our aforementioned son and his aforementioned wife are expecting their first child, a little girl, and our first granddaughter on Thanksgiving Day no less. Like most grandparents, we would do anything and everything to be there. Just up and go!
BUT! And that’s a big but (that struck me as funny)! We can’t just ‘up and go.’ Why not you may be asking? Welllll, our family structure is not the norm. My wife and I are not empty nesters. I’m pretty certain we never will be (grin). Yes, we have a first grader still in the house, a fourth grader too and a sixth and tenth grader. If we did ‘up and go’ we would have to take the entire clan with us. I don’t mind doing that, it’s what we’ve always done however, my son will have a new baby in the house and to have a couple of wild yahoos running around squabbling and gabbing and being noisy all the time, I’m sure would drive my son and daughter-in-law batty, not to mention the constant shhhhshing that would be going on and the high stress level coupled with the overwhelming experience of that of a first child. That’s a lot to put in one sentence. And it does seem to be grammatically correct, at least according to spell and grammar check.
So you see what I mean? Difficult to do. So our plan now is to send Grandma (Yolanda, who goes by Yolie, by the way). She will fly to Dallas and hang for about a week while I hold down the fort. But holding down the fort is hard to do when you still have to work, coach, cook and transport, but yet mentally be somewhere else, worried and concerned for our son’s new family. Not sure how the logistics are all going to play out, but we will hopefully develop a plan that has a reasonable chance for success. In the meantime I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not be able to hold my granddaughter until Christmas, when they come to town. Thank God for Face Time. Then again, that is not the same.
So you see why I’m in the mood I’m in. From Fahlin to my oldest and everyone and everything in-between, I want to be everywhere, be there for the birth, and at the same time I want to go see my other son in D.C. and at the same time I want to fly to Tampa to see Bethany, and yet I still have to take care of Fahl Fahl and Jayne and yet…This is what we have chosen our family to be. No complaints. We knew there would be compromises and sacrifices at some point. That point is now. And I am not handling it well from an emotional point of view. Physically, logically and logistically I know we can “Git-r-done,” but how without the requisite stress and tears? Big softie here. So for now, we plan. We talk. We figure things out. And, we thank God for his goodness, for life, for the miracle of birth…and adoption…and healing…and airplanes…and food…and shelter…and…a million other things that will make all of this possible.
October 8, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 8 2016 1:00 AM
Okay, the blog I am about to write is about a subject that I never thought I would be writing about in this forum, but here goes. Of course, a brief reminder in is order. You know I live in a houseful of women, including Yolanda, six to be exact. Our other daughter, Bethany, is in Tampa. So, I have been around females my entire life (I miss my boys). Naturally, the conversations we have in our household center around female issues. There are a lot of those. But last night, the conversation was about as funny as I’ve ever heard, and it all centered around Jayne.
I hope this is an appropriate subject for a Christian school blog post, but bear with me, I do tie it all up in a nice, neat little bow at the end, so here goes. Buckle up. Strap in. Close your eyes. Yes, Jayne has started wearing a training bra. It’s such a big deal in our house that Fahlin had to announce it at dinner, “Jayne is growing boob[s].” Said Fahlin (without the ‘s’ it is really funny). Yes, Jayne even pulled up her shirt to show everyone.
We made big deal about it, because this milestone has always been a constant topic of conversation on our household since my oldest daughter went through puberty some thirteen or fourteen years ago. Now, mind you, the matriarch of our family, my wife has set the bar pretty high and has, as Fahlin says, “Huge ones.” I definitely think I’m typing myself into trouble here. But needless to say, we have been discussing these things for as long as I can remember. From Bethany, to Abby, and all the way now down through Jayne.
[Break time. There is so much I am thinking about writing, but won’t.]
I’m back. Now that Jayne is entering a new a chapter in her life, about which Fahlin is happy to loudly proclaim, “Jayne is growing….” Well, you get the picture, I pause to think about what a miraculous little girl she really is and about the fact that she wasn’t expected to live through the first chapter of her life, let alone all the other chapters she has gone through. And, of all things, now this. Haha.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I guess in Jayne’s case, this includes training bras. Lord help me.
October 7, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 7 2016 1:00 AM
I think the anticipation of an event is often the most important aspect of the event itself. Let me ‘splain. Fahlin and Jayne are on fall break this week and Aunt Mary Beth has offered to let the girls come over and spend the night one night. Now, I have been through this with our other 600 children, so I know what’s about to happen. Every day leading up to the big event is filled with questions. And I am sure you know what the questions are. “When are we going to Aunt Mary Beth’s?” Are we going to Mary Beth’s house tonight?” “How many more days until we go to Aunt Mary Beth’s house?” I’ve lived these moments many, many times.
So the day arrived. “Hey, Sis,” I texted, “what time do you want the girls?”
“I have Show Hope meetings all day, so how bout we meet for dinner and I’ll get them then?” was the response.
“The girls have practice anyway, so that sounds good.”
Well, now what? You guessed it. AGONY! The poor girls had to wait alllllllllllll daaaaaaaay. Fahlin said, “Uggggghhhhhh.” Jayne, of course, just went with the flow. That’s actually one of things she does best, goes with the flooooow.
“When are we going?”
“We are meeting Mary Beth for dinner, then you guys get to go home with her.”
“Yippee.”
So we finally met up for dinner at one of our new favorite places, the Corner Asian Bistro (if you haven’t tried it, it is awesome). The girls always fight over who gets to sit beside Aunt MB. Fahlin won this round. Mary Beth filled us in on the many comings and goings and family things that have been going on with Steven, the girls and the grandbabies. Lots of info.
But finally it was off to Mary Beth and Uncle Steve’s house. It was already about 8:00. It was whirlwind of an evening, the culmination of which was sleepy time on the special bunks in the special bunk room, which is a small room with bunks designed to be like tour bus bunks. Very cool. Jayne was on the middle bunk. “It was scary.” She said.
But the next morning, my wife picked them up at around 10:00, and it was off to Louisville where Yolanda’s friend, Kimber lives. See what I mean? Quick, effective, and a memory. See? It’s all about the anticipation. And fun was had by all…
October 2, 2016
Jim Chapman
Oct 4 2016 1:00 AM
Go figure. I just don’t understand something. Why is it on the days you need the girls to get out of bed at 6:30, they don’t want to get up, but on the weekends or their day off, they are up at 6:00, rarin’ to go, happy and energetic! I do not understand, nor do I have an explanation.
In our house, this has always been the case. Our eldest son could go to bed at 10:00 PM, and wake up at 6:00. He could go to bed at 7:00 PM and still wake up at 6:00, so, guess what? He went to bed at 7:00. I have often said, that is the reason (or one of them) for children numbers two, three, and four. Haha.
But to these ‘littles’ the ‘getting up’ times do not mean anything. I have never seen Jayne sleep past 7:00…ever. Fahlin has slept in on occasion, but that was more when we first brought her home, not so much recently. By sleeping in I mean 7:00 as well. There have been times when we get up and there they are, sitting in the dark. Sometimes it’s Jayne sitting creepily in the dark; sometimes it’s Fahl Fahl sitting quietly watching her Kindle. At least the other girls would come climb in bed and cuddle with us. These guys are just weird in the mornings (I’m chuckling because that sounds bad, but it’s not meant to sound bad).
I usually like to get up earlier than everybody. It’s about the only time of the day I have to myself. But that only translates to about fifteen minutes of quiet time before the natives start to appear. I don’t mind. One of my real joys in this world is cooking breakfast for these girls. Always a good, healthy breakfast. Sausage, oatmeal, eggs, pancakes, bacon, toast, although not all at once and not every day. It varies from day to day. And when the girls get up early, I usually put them to work cracking eggs, stirring the pancakes or simply getting the stuff out of the fridge and/or putting stuff back. They love breakfast when they cook it with me.
So, for whatever the reason they get up early, I don’t really mind. I guess they have to get up some time, so why not early? I guess I will never know what it’s like for myself to sleep much past 6:30. Still, they are silly girls, getting up early and all…and, for the record, I am glad they do!
September 25, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 26 2016 1:00 AM
We have discovered what seems to be Fahlin’s new, true talent. Sewing! Yes, sewing! ‘Sew’ what, you might be asking? My eldest daughter, Bethany, whom we call ‘Babz’ (with a z because it’s a much cooler way to spell it), is visiting for the week (I almost said home, sad face , I miss her), and she is an expert ‘sewer,’ or should I say seamstress? My daughter-in-law Ami’s baby shower is today and Bethany is making her sister-in-law a gift. I cannot reveal it at this point as I write, but suffice it to say it’s a complicated sewing project. And it is really, really nice. And besides, those gifts that have someone’s heart poured into them are always the best ones; the most cherished ones, the most used. You know what I mean.
Where was Fahlin when all this sewing was going down? In the way, of course. “I can do that,” she kept saying. “I want to do that,” was her mantra. Over and over, nonstop. “Can I do one?” She would ask, over and over. “Can I push the pedal?” She watched Bethany’s every move. She sat on her lap and helped. She even bantered with her a bit.
“Did you know you are my Aunt?” She asked.
“No, I’m your sister, Fahlin,” Bethany answered.
“Well, when I was little you were my Aunt!”
No, she wasn’t, but oh well, I think she’ll figure it out. So her Aunt who is really her sister, Bethany, finished her project and gave in to Fahlin’s persistent request. They found some material, found a simple pattern, cut and pinned and began sewing. Fahlin had helped earlier by sitting on Bethany’s lap, but this time, she was on her own, pedal and all. She did a great job.
But here is the sobering thought. Bethany awakened a new love in Fahlin’s life. Sewing. The harsh reality is that, assuming she lived long enough, had she not been adopted, she would have returned to the state run orphanage, which in turn would have turned her out onto the streets when she was around fourteen. She most likely would have found work chained to a sewing machine somewhere, under deplorable working conditions, twelve hour shifts, seven days a week, 365 days a year. I wonder if she would have loved sewing then?
God had a better plan. I’ve included pictures. See the joy on her face. The pride of accomplishment. Obviously this is the little girl God intended her to be, in the place where He intended, with the family He intended her to have, doing the things He intended her to do, and loving every minute.
Tank you ‘Aunt’ Babz.
September 23, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 22 2016 1:00 AM
I don’t know how this happened, but the other night, the little girls were in rare form, especially…yes; you guessed it, Fahlin. I came home after swim practice, walked into the kitchen minding my own business when out of the blue, Fahlin says, “You smell like an old rag and dog poopy!” The girls giggled and guffawed like that was the funniest thing ever said in the history of the world.
“What ???!!!???” I asked myself? “Do I really?” I sniffed my armpits and shirt. I found no traces of the aforementioned smells. First, for the record, we do not own a dog, nor do I even know where on earth I would have picked up the smell of dog poo, let alone an old rag, second I did immediately walk over to my bride (wife) and asked her, “Do I really smell like and old rag and dog doodoo?” The girls guffawed some more, hysterically, I might add.
“No dear, you do not,” was the reply.
‘Ha! See girls, I do not smell bad!”
“Well, if you came over and [stand] next me, I would vomit!” Fahlin stated to the uproarious laughter of Jayne. Where did they get this stuff? So, like any good Dad, I slowly sauntered over to Fahlin where she was sitting and stood as close to her as I could.
“Well?” I asked with a grin.
She immediately went into the pouty face mode.
“I’m waiting little miss poopy nose.” Yes, very mature of me. She smiled a little smile. “I think you are the one who smells like an old sock and poo yourself.” Well, that just opened the spigot. From then on we spent the next ten minutes or so calling each other Mr. Poop, or Miss Stinky Pants, or other such first grade terminology. The laughter was hilarious and infectious. We laughed ‘til, well, ‘til it totally got out of control. I’m even smiling now thinking about it.
Finally Mom intervened and reminded the girls it was time to settle down, finish dinner and get ready for bed. We reminded the girls that they really shouldn’t call people names like that. We are after all, good parents, you now. Up to bed they went. We said our prayers, talked a little and I kissed them goodnight. As I walked out of the room, though, I couldn’t resist, “Good night stink heads!” I said quietly. The giggled…
September 19, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 19 2016 1:00 AM
Remember a few blogs back about how awesome I was about being able to be not one, not two, but three places at once? When the ‘littles’ needed be somewhere, I was Mr. Responsible. Mr. Reliable. Mr. Incredible. Well yesterday, I was Mr. Colossal Failure at being three places at once. I was basically, nowhere I needed to be. I feel awful about myself when that happens. What if I was the only person invited to these functions, responded yes, then didn’t show? How disappointed would the invitee be? What if the shoe was on the other foot and was the invitee and no one showed? See what I mean?
[Late breaking news: turns out there were FOUR places I needed to be. Fahlin just reminded me about a birthday party we missed. Kiss Father of the year goodbye!]
First, I was invited to Beavercreek, Ohio for big bash honoring Ben O’Diam (Lifetime Achievement Award, my first boss at the first school at which I ever worked. He had a long career in education, followed by a distinguished career in local politics. Second, was the Brentwood Academy retreat, to which I planned to take the ‘littles’ and go fishing. Third was the wedding of one of my former swimmers, whom I think the world of. And finally, the aforementioned forgotten birthday party.
Now, you may be wondering, where was Yolanda in all of this? That’s just it, the wrench in the plans. She had to work one of her twelve-hour shifts at he hospital. As you also may know, I cannot think much further ahead than about a day or two. But I did know all of this was sneaking up on me and I was powerless to figure it out. Helpless, in fact. Weak even.
My plan was good. I would get the girls to their practices in the morning AND bring the little ones with me, which always adds a different dynamic to anything we do. I had decided if Yolanda was not working I might try the up and back trip to Ohio. But that didn’t pan out the way I had hoped. So next, I was going to wait for Izzy, my 15 year old to return from a team bonding floating trip down the duck river, then proceed to the retreat. But it “POURED down THE rain,” as my wife would say. I mean poured! I didn’t know what to do. I was kind of paralyzed. But, around 2:30, I went ahead and loaded Fahlin and Jayne into the car and headed to the BA retreat, only to be stopped thirty minutes later on the west side of Nashville at the 440/40 junction by traffic going nowhere. Dead stopped. Argggghhhh! I quickly made the decision to catch the return loop to 440 and head back home at that point. We were going to late as it was, this would make the trip stressful; at least that’s what I was thinking.
So now plan C was I could make the wedding I was missing, but low and behold, it was starting in fifteen minutes and there was no way, no how to get there, let alone go home and change, yadda, yadda, yadda. So it was home to give the girls baths and cook supper. By that time, it was 7:00 and the day had been a complete waste. Or was it? I tried; I really, really tried to be all things to all people at all the places at all times. All I really managed to do was to be no one to no one and nowhere at all. I did nothing I had planned to do. Thus, my own failure label. My consolation was that I got to hang out with the girls, take care of them and the really interesting part is that they never knew what I had failed at not doing. They never really knew I wasn’t where I wanted to go, wasn’t where I needed to be, knew what I had missed or how I felt about missing everything. But now it is Sunday, the day after. While I am disappointed and embarrassed at myself for the failures of Saturday, it’s time to get the girls ready for church.
[Another news flash: WHAT ABOUT THIS CRAZY GAS SHORTAGE?]
So, as Yolanda works again today, I am making another executive decision. Since there is no gas, we are not going to our regular church, instead, we are heading down the street about two mile to the girls’ school where my friend pastors a start up in the gymnasium. Short drive, starts a little later so everyone sleeps in a bit and I save my gas for tomorrow…and he’s good. We can worship our Creator. So, after yesterday’s disappointing debacle, today is a new day. On with life!
…And, I am SO sorry!
September 15, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 15 2016 1:00 AM
So as most of you know, we are in a holding pattern with Fahlin’s future heart surgeries. The doctors want to let her grow for another year. Well, that shouldn’t be a problem with as food as this child has been socking away lately. Like last night for example. A pork chop, two helpings of broccoli (yuck), a pile of potato wedges and a salad. My wife and I just looked at each other and smiled as if to say, “Where in the world is she putting this food?” Or better yet, pancake day. On the weekends, I make pancakes for the girls. She love[s] pancake[s].
It is amazing what a little love from a family combined with some food and an increased oxygen flow to the body can do. She has grown like a weed, her stamina is up and she evens tries to do pushups. She reads on the third grade level and does math workbooks (not for homework) for fun. We see it all the time with adoptive families. Little, frail children get adopted into a loving family and the next thing you know, you have a growing, thriving, flourishing child. It is truly one of God’s visible miracles being lived out right in front of our eyes.
What to do? Well, I think for now, we keep feeding her and loving her and sit back and watch her grow. Literally. In all facets of life. It’s rather extraordinary to watch. It’s also been enjoyable for me to share her journey with you. As long as God keeps inspiring me to write, I’ll keep it up. Thank you for your continued prayers for both Fahlin and our family.
September 12, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 12 2016 1:00 AM
Well, after all these blogs about how moody and difficult Fahlin has been lately, this past weekend was the total opposite. Happy Fahlin was everywhere. She was joyous, giggly, and talkative, not to mention even cuddly. Who was this imposter? What have you done with my daughter and return her to me immediately! If it were my daughter Abby, I would think she was up to something or needed money, but it was Fahl Fahl, so I’m sure if she had a motive.
She actually wanted to go to Sunday school class with us, instead of her own class. When it was time to watch the Titans, she wanted to watch football with daddy. Then, as the afternoon turned to evening, she wanted to watch ‘guy movie’ with dad.
“We never watch guy movie any more,” she said (remember, no ‘s’s).
“Well, Fahlin, that’s because we’ve been watching other stuff these days.”
I remember when we first brought Fahlin home. She was frightened, anxious, uncertain, so we took care to be attentive to her. We didn’t let her go to sleep alone, and made sure she knew where we were when she woke up. Most days that was right between my wife and I. I often reflect and think about what these little girls are going through transitioning to a not only a new family, but also a new environment, a new country, a new everything! So we coddled her. I coddled her. When it was bedtime, she would snuggle up on my shoulder and watch the ‘Expendables (1, 2 and 3)’ with me. I had the headphones; she would just watch the explosions, then drift off to sleep…with all those violent scenes floating around in her little brain. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.
Thank goodness she has learned how to read. She reads very well in fact. Almost third grade level. WooHoo! Books are much better than the ‘Expendables.’
“Fahlin, why don’t you go read a good book?”
September 7, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 7 2016 1:00 AM
Fahlin continues to display emotional outbursts of all kinds. Whether it is the pouty lip I have mentioned before, or getting angry at holding Daddy’s hand, or even as happened today, throwing a small fit over what we ordered for lunch, it is not very becoming of a little girl. While it’s not at the frustrating level yet for me (I am much more patient with this type of behavior now as compared to twenty years ago), it is getting to the point where we do indeed have to figure something out what we’re going to do about it. Ah, the travails of parenting. Well, I guess I have lived long enough to answer the question, “Does parenting ever actually get any easier?” the answer, of course is an emphatic “No!”
Right now, I am pretty certain that we are experiencing a power struggle here. Yes, the little, skinny girl thinks she is in control. Ha! She is not. But she is definitely convinced in her mind that she determines what goes on in her life.
“You know, Yo,” I said to my beautiful bride the other night, “We are in the midst of a power struggle.” She agreed. We also agreed to stay strong and prevail in this battle. Then we smiled and determined, “She is sooo darn cute!” But we cannot let that deter us. Of course, part of the problem stems from the early days when we first brought Fahlin home. We said yes all the time because of her uncertain future. Now, we have to be the fisherman and reel her back in, no matter how cute she is
So despite our parental flaws, with as much experience as we have, we feel confident we can call upon all our resources to prevail. It will take time, however, as we well know. And no matter how long it takes, we old pros must and will prevail…if we live long enough, that is. It is pretty cool to know that the prognosis is now for a long life for Fahlin. It is very possible she could outlast us, which would indeed be the most fabulous miracle of all. The fact that she is here testing us some eight months after the time we thought we might lose her, speaks volumes to the majesty, the sovereignty, the magnitude of God’s impressive love he has for us. Amazing!
So on we go…
September 3, 2016
Jim Chapman
Sep 4 2016 1:00 AM
Moody. Getting back to Fahlin, it’s time to maybe figure out Fahlin’s moods; what causes them, why she has them and how on earth we are going to attack them. Geeze Louise, my wife always says. It wouldn’t be so bad if the mood swings were a little subtler, but sometimes they can go from clam to volcanic for no apparent reason.
In the mornings it’s easy to figure out. If she is grumpy, not enough sleep. Starving could also play a part in that. She often will get ‘hangry,’ the simple cure for which is a quick bowl of cereal. Those two mood swings are both understandable and treatable. But there are times when I don’t understand where they come from. For example, sometimes I will go up to her and give her a hug while licking her arm. Just a little lick, but man oh man, you would think I just talked about boys or something. She gets maaaad. Sometimes, when Jayne gets to do something, but Fahlin does not, she will lower her head, cross her arms, stick out that bottom lip and flash the angry eyes, just make a point. Sometimes when I say stuff like, “Come here Fahlly and give Daddy kisses…” Even that will make her angry, and all I ever did was love her in the annoying way that only Dads can love their little girls. And what about when I am stinky and sweaty from when I just finishes a workout? “Oh no, don’t get near me!!! Hmmmph!” I don’t get it. Who wouldn’t want to hug this sweaty lug? And then again there is tickling. Tickling? What could be wrong with that? I do not understand it, but it makes Fahl Fahl mad. Oh well.
Yes, oh well. Get used to it little girls. That’s how I roll. Your sisters lived! They survived! They still love their Dad. I don’t see myself ever changing. And you know what? The angry eyes, the pouty lip, the crossed arms do not affect the way they did when I was young parent. Thank God for the second go ‘round. All the more reason to never change…and I won’t! Count on it girls!
August 28, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 29 2016 1:00 AM
I have been thinking…a Lot, lately. You know that, about Fahlin, her future, Jayne, her future, life, mortality, family; lots and lots of stuff, on top of everything else in my life, swim team starting, school starting, lesson plans, teacher stuff, how to keep my wife happy, retirement income (Haha), parents who are getting older, you know…just thinking about things. And thinking about how I can be everywhere at once on the weekends my wife works.
I’m pretty good about being two places at once, but when I have to be three places? Well, that’s a bit outside of my abilities. That can only happen when people we love and do life and activities with and consider our friends chip in to help. Like LaDonna King. My daughter, Izzy swims with her son Daniel and sometimes Izzy and former ‘little’ Lydia need a ride to practice, or home and LaDonna is always willing to help. She lives sort of near us, but it out of her (or her husband Kenneth’s) way to bring the girls home. To say thank you is not enough, but here goes, thank you Ken and LaDonna.
There are more, like Barbara Carney, who absolutely loves these littles girls and is always willing to help. Like Joanna, who actually knew these girls in China, like Janice Fields whom we’ve known for years who watches the girls after school on some days, like Laura Disney, another friend of nearly thirty years who is always, always, always there for us. She’ll even mow the yard; take out the trash, clean the house do the laundry…all because she loves these little girls. Even our swim team family has willingly pitched to help when needed. Always behind the scenes, always helpful, whether convenient or not. Deborah, Dana, Jan, Leslie and the list goes on.
That’s the effect these ‘littles’ have on people. The effect has even rippled throughout the lives of our friends, no matter how brief or involved, as family after family decide to adopt as either a direct result to interactions with our girls, or indirectly by watching them live life and grow and flourish. Now, obviously not everyone is called to adopt, but people everywhere who have friends who have are stepping up and helping in ways, both big and little that are appreciated by those families more than they will ever know. As I have been thinking, I think it’s important, on behalf of every adoptive family I know to say thank you to those unsung heroes who do the little things that add up to big help. And for our family, even a triple thank you, thank you, thank you is not enough. I’m sure Heaven will have some special crowns waiting for you all.
“…And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matt 25:40.
August 21, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 22 2016 1:00 AM
Football season is upon us and of course, it is imperative I teach the girls the way of the south, and that means loving football. It all starts with Brentwood Academy. So Friday night, we loaded up the girls and took them to the game.
What was amazing is that Fahlin was a different child this year. Last year at her first football game, she had only been home with us from China for a short while. She was frail, skinny, weak and purple after having just received a stent in her heart. We had not seen the positive effects of that at this point. As you can tell from the accompanying picture, she has grown, gained weight and muscle (you might have to look hard for those muscles, but they are there), and her color is noticeably better.
What a difference a year makes. Doesn’t she look cute in her cheerleading outfit? And don’t be fooled, although she looks tall and lanky, she is still pretty tiny. The picture is deceiving. She looks huge. She is not huge.
She loved the game. Luckily, she didn’t realize that that the Eagles got off to a shaky start, but eventually took control of the game and rolled. But I’m pretty sure she was more enthralled with what the cheerleaders and dancers were doing than the actual game. Now all she wants to do is ‘moves.’ She has NO rhythm, repeat, NO rhythm. So watching her put into practice what she learned at the game has been rather entertaining. Funny, even. Humorous in fact. I’m even chuckling to myself as I type.
We are thankful that Fahlin is with us; healthier than she’s ever been and living a life she could never have lived in China, or at least had little or chance of ever experiencing anything like she is now. It’s hard to imagine our family without her. While she presents our family with enormous challenges, by God’s grace we will continue to walk with her. And while tomorrow is never guaranteed [as we found out Saturday morning when one of my friends in Ohio passed away; I ran up to Columbus to sing at the celebration concert in his honor and returned Sunday], we certainly know that God has all of that figured out for us. For now, we just trust in Him.
August 15, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 16 2016 1:00 AM
So it was Jayne’s turn for an MRI. Guess who was her coach? Guess who was the so-called MRI ‘expert?’ Guess who wanted to go with her to the hospital? Yep, Fahl Fahl.
But first, a little back-story. Jayne is from northwest China, near Kazakhstan and Mongolia, in fact very close to both their borders. In fact, the indigenous people of the area don’t even look Chinese; more middle eastern. Not a very friendly part of China at all, so much so that we were told not to venture outside our hotel after dark. I did anyway. But that is another part of the story.
Back to Jayne. Jayne has what is known as ‘Vader Syndrome.’ No relation to Darth. It is a certain combination of medical symptoms that, when combined add up to Vader Syndrome. During the birth, or right after, Jayne’s brain was severely damaged, in fact, she is missing a third of it. The missing parts control her speech and motor skills (uh, she runs, skips, hops swims and speaks English after having only spoken Chines the first four and a half years of her life). She had a hole in her heart (which was fixed), a crooked urethra (which was straightened), only one kidney, imperforate anus, which was surgically repaired as well (she had a colostomy bag the first six months of her life), epilepsy and a pretty symptomatically severe case of cerebral palsy AND two arachnoid cysts on her brain, which, at this point do not need to be removed. She has been through the ringer for sure.
Which brings us to the MRI. During her recent visit her neurologist; he determined that it was time to take a look at everything. The cysts need monitoring every few years, just in case. In case of what, I’m not sure. She did her practicing, and with Fahlin’s help, was able to survive the procedure. I told her the purpose of the MRI was to see if she still had a brain. I think she believed me, because afterward, I asked her if she thought they found her brain and she said, with a huge grin on her face, “I don’t know.” She is so much fun to have around.
We get the results I a couple of weeks. As you can tell, there are a lot of serious needs in our family. But with lots of prayer, as we can all plainly see, God has done and is doing miraculous works in the lives of the two little girls known as the ‘littles.’ Fahlin didn’t go with Jayne to the hospital, but she was proud that because of her efforts, Jayne was able to return home safely in one piece, brain and all…God bless Jayne.
August 11, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 13 2016 1:00 AM
The first two days of first grade at school, no problem. Fahlin was excited, happy and chatty. Non-stop. Then, day three arrived. She couldn’t get up, couldn’t get moving, was not happy and basically was a grump…especially in the mornings. So, we being the experienced parents that we are; decided no more 7:30 bedtime. Ha! 7:15 it is girlie!
Now you may be wondering, how could fifteen minutes make that big a difference? Well, let me tell you. The next day, Wednesday, good ole Fahl Fahl popped right up, went to the potty, came downstairs, smiled, ate a big breakfast, carried on a nice little kid conversation about ‘stuff,’ and was generally pleasant the entire morning. In fact, she was even dressed, teeth brushed and shoes on at 7:05, ten minutes before ‘leave time.’ Amazing. Yes, fifteen little minutes DO make a difference.
We repeated the process Wednesday night, and wouldn’t you know it? She did it again! Popped right up Thursday morning and boom, boom, boom, ready to go! And I haven’t even mentioned how she does in afternoons. Day one was great, what with the excitement of a new school year and all. Day two was a bit more listless, but day three, when she just layed around and moaned and groaned about how tired she was, sealed the fifteen-minute penalty for her that night.
So, while Mommy was at work Thursday, I rewarded Fahlin with five extra minutes. What could possibly be bad about that? Well, Friday, today, my wife informed me that while Fahlin was not too slow, not too urgent, not quite as bubbly, and still on time to leave, it was not quite the same as when she got the extra fifteen. So, on school nights, 7:15 it is. Weekends, well, we’ll see.
In the meantime, she will get to stay up significantly later tonight. Our friend the Rittners are returning from China with their new little girl Emma. We plan on being there at the airport when they arrive. If you have never been to an adoption homecoming, you need to go. It is overwhelming. So enjoy the late night Fahlin, and welcome home, Emma!
August 8, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 8 2016 1:00 AM
My wife and I have gone ‘round and ‘round about which day is actually the first day of school for the two ‘littles.’ [Special note: we are now down to two ‘littles’ since Lydia begins middle school in another week or so.] I say the Rock Springs registration day was the first day, albeit only a two-hour day. My wife says no, Monday the 8th is because that is the first full day.
So, this past Friday, we went to school and registered the girls, found their rooms, met their teachers and visited with old friends. The girls did not wear their ‘first day of school’ outfits that mothers so love because their mother, my wife, said, no, they can do that on Monday. I guess that means I lost the argument. Hey, if it counts as one of the 180 official days, then it’s a real day…just sayin.’
So Monday Fahlin begins her journey through the jungle known as first grade. I think she will do fine. She is so smart, especially now since, as my oldest son has said, “she has oxygen actually getting to her brain.” I asked her if she was going to be the smartest kid in her class to which she responded, “I guess…”
“What about the boss? Are you going to be the boss of your class?” She just sheepishly smiled at me as if to say, “Of course, Dad!” Wouldn’t surprise me. She can be pretty bossy. It helps that she will be oldest in her class. It should be interesting to see that plays out.
We are just glad that our life could be fairly normal for a year since there does not appear to be any major surgeries on the immediate horizon. That could change, of course. We are simply thankful that God continues manifest his goodness by blessing this little girl with such relative good health that it continues to baffle our medical team. That’s all right with us. If you’ve ever sat in a waiting room through the uncertainty of an open-heart surgery for one of your children, well, I’m sure you can figure out that it’s not real enjoyable. But, for now we can relax and see how first grade goes.
August 4, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 5 2016 1:00 AM
Here we are again. The first day of school is upon the ‘littles,’ however, this year the ‘littles’ have dwindled by one. While Fahlin and Jayne start school tomorrow (how crazy is that?), Lydia is moving on to middle school at Brentwood Academy. But as I think about what is happening tomorrow, our two youngest ‘miracles’ continue to both amaze and confound the medical professionals. Neither one of our two youngest should be alive today, yet they are, and they are thriving. Some day I will devote an entire blog on Jayne. As incredible as Fahlin’s story continues to be, Jayne’s story is every bit as intriguing and interesting. She has quite a story.
But, again, Fahlin starts school tomorrow. First grade. For a little girl who was not supposed to live to see her first birthday, first grade sounds pretty good. It’s only registration day, but still, here she is, all excited and ready to go. It will be interesting this year to see how she does. Without any surgeries looming on the horizon, it will be her first full year of school. We know how tired and exhausted she was last year prior to the surgery, so this year, since she is obviously in better physical shape and her energy level is so much higher, we are thinking it will be…well, interesting…to see what happens.
Her teacher is Patty Short. Patty is a friend of ours and has been around for years. In fact I taught with Patty many, many years ago. She has had every Chapman kid except one, Lydia. I think she even put off retiring just so she could have Fahlin. I can’t wait for Patty to experience the “Fahlin Effect.” That’s where she steals your heart when you see her and know her story and then see her personality in action. She just has that… ‘thing’ about her. And whatever that ‘thing’ is, it grabs your heart and holds on and will not let go.
So tomorrow is registration day. Excitement is in the air. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep. That is a good sign. She is not a morning person, so we’ll see how excited she is in the morning. In the meantime, look out Mrs. Short. Your life is about to change.
August 2, 2016
Jim Chapman
Aug 2 2016 1:00 AM
The first thing we did upon returning from vacation was of course; go to Fahlin’s cardiologist appointment to find out the results her recent MRI. She goes with us, and does NOT talk from the time we leave the house until we climb into the car. The news was good. Very good in fact, we think, if we interpret it all correctly. Lets see if I can recount it correctly. First of all, Doctor Moore said she looks great. Her color, her growth, her height. In fact, my wife and I think he seems somewhat surprised she looks so good. (More on this later) He said the blood is flowing very nicely through the shunt (from her initial surgery). It sounds strong. The MRI showed that her ventricle (she has only one) appears to have enough volume to support surgery to separate, put in a valve and create two separate chambers. The pulmonary artery that is growing is doing just that, growing and seems to be flourishing.
All of this is good news. Apparently, patience is the next order of business. We wait, let things grow and even let Fahlin keep growing. Apparently, there will not be any heart surgery in the near future, in fact, no surgery this school year, it appears. That was relief. But, that doesn’t mean she won’t have the occasional procedure. For instance, in three months, she will have another echocardiogram. At that point, they will schedule another heart catheterization. The purpose of which is to see for sure how the blood is flowing. It seems there is one major concern about the shunt (and thus her coloring). Sometimes, as the new artery grows, tissue growth it make its way into the shunt itself and occasionally, that part will need to be ‘ballooned’ or stented to increase blood flow similar to that of stent on her other artery. This apparently is why he keeps telling us to watch her coloring. It is an indication that blood flow has been obstructed.
I’m not sure this is all correct, but it is close. It was really all very good news. On one hand, we can breathe easier that there is no imminent surgery looming in the near future. On the other, it concerns us that he is concerned about something that has not happened yet (the miracle continues). For now, we proceed with life, keep an eye on her, start school and keep her held out of physical education class. So, now, Fahlin, it is okay to talk…(smile)
July 26, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 27 2016 1:00 AM
Exciting news! You remember our concern about Fahlin learning how to swim? How we wondered if her heart could take the stress? If she would have the strength to save herself, should she fall in? Well, despite all our concerns, it seems as if she is on the verge of becoming a kid who can swim, which is good, considering how embarrassing it is to be a swim coach and the father of a child who cant swim. Unacceptable, it is! She is still a little shaky, a little nervous, but a LOT more comfortable in the water. Today, she actually swam!
Let me take you though the progress of Fahlin’s swim life. Being the expert swim coach that I am, and having actually taught half of all the kids in middle Tennessee how to swim, and even coached the other half who went on to become a competitive swimmers, I have developed the fool proof Brentwood Academy Swim School method of teaching kids how to swim; guaranteed! So In April, when our swim lessons started, Fahlin came to some of the classes. She was soooo nervous. Poor thing. Part of what we do in the BA lessons is we acclimate the kids to getting used to being on their bellies with their faces in the water. To do this we teach them streamline position, which is face down, hands and arms tightly outstretched in front. Then we push them, or rather, glide them from one coach to another, being careful to NOT move. No moving! Be very still! We do this over and over and over. It really works! Eventually, we add the kick and the arms and voila, you have the beginnings of a swimmer.
Fahlin was a glider. I would hold her and could feel the tension, her little three-chambered heart was rapidly beating. I was worried if I was pushing her to far, if maybe we were putting to much stress on her little body. The doctor had assured us that teaching her to swim would be okay, and that it was also a pretty good idea, since we are around water all the time. But she would assume the position, beating heart and all, and glide to whichever coach was the ‘catcher’ that day.
She did a couple of lessons a week. We wanted to take her slowly and not tax her body so much. After each lesson, the big concern was her O2 level, which turned out to be a legitimate concern. Her oxygen levels would plummet to the low sixties, which as you know is dangerously low. Her body would return to pre-surgery purplish-blue levels…not good! We would wrap her in towels, put in a warm car, and as her O2 level rose, she would pink back up to the current pink-ness levels we are now accustomed to. She did this for the six weeks we ran the lessons. It helped a little.
Then summer came and swim team cranked up and it was chaos. My team, the Nolensville Hurricanes, defending Williamson County Swim League champions, by the way (unfortunately, we lost out this year by a mere 80 points), practiced outdoors. Early in the summer, outdoor pools are cold, somewhere in the 74-78 degree range, a little cold for swimmers to practice in, but way too cold for Fahlin. She didn’t get in much throughout the summer, other than an occasional practice, in which my high school coaches would pamper and baby her by never letting go of her. She just smiled. And the occasional jaunt out to Aunt Mary Beth’s house, where she would jump onto a noodle and noodle around. So when vacation time came (present day), we began to practice her swimming in earnest. I let her wear a life jacket so she could fell the freedom of floating and playing in a pool. Then she would take off the jacket and do a swimming ‘lesson.’ Gliding, gliding and more gliding. She began to add her arms, and much to my surprise, she all of a sudden took off. She could only do it two or three times before pooping out, but nevertheless, she was indeed, swimming! Yay Fahlin! We repeated this throughout the day, and by golly, she was getting it. Tomorrow we continue. More swimming. She sent a video to Her brothers and sisters, and to Aunt Mary Beth. They were all very proud. And I finally, as the expert swim coach that I am can proudly boast of another success story…Fahlin’s. My little girl!
July 22, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 23 2016 1:00 AM
Weeki Wachee State Park, Florida. My Son-in-Law, Adam and Bethany suggested we go to spend the day at Weeki Wachee. We did not know what to expect. Weeki Wachee is known for the underwater stream that feeds the park with 74 degree water and for their world famous underwater Live Mermaids show. There’s also three large water slides, a dock off of which to jump, a kiddie are, canoe and kayak areas and about a 400 yard long lazy river which is really a river. You just hop in at one end, float a couple hundred yards, climb out, walk back around and do it again…in 74 degree water. As far as waterparks go, it’s definitely a little lame, but there was one thing about Weeki Wachee that was extremely cool. The Mermaid show…
The first thing we did was to take in the Mermaid show. The theater is underwater, has a huge glass observation window, and the entire show is performed by female swimmers, under water. The theater was also freezing inside! It was so cold Fahlin turned blue. The Mermaids use breathing tubes to catch breaths, but being a swim coach, I was so impressed with their breath control. Very impressive. They are underwater for a good 45 minutes, yes, in 74 degree water. Cold, very cold.
So, being a swim coach and curious, I asked one of the Mermaids if they had a swimming background. Turns out, no, they don’t, sort of. Each mermaid is a certified scuba diver. Then, after that they spend a year training how to breathe out of the tubes and learning the performance. Makes sense, after all, they perform some twenty feet under water with dressed in a Mermaid outfit and with only a tube through which to breathe. On top of that, they lip-sync each song. How do you do that while being under water, holding your breath?
I’m not sure little Fahl Fahl totally appreciated the Mermaids. She was busy trying to stay warm. She was mesmerized, but only because we were on the front row about one foot away from the glass. The other ‘littles’ loved it, however. I came away from show thinking, “That would be good job for my daughter, Abby!” About three hours later, a storm moved in and we were rained out the rest of the day…
That was okay, because, tomorrow we leave Tampa and head to Panama City Beach. Fahlin’s family vaca continues…
July 18, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 23 2016 1:00 AM
Look out beach, here we come! It’s our annual trip to Tampa, then Panama City. It’s a great two weeks. The only bad thing about going to the beach is that I never want to leave it. I’m glad no random person ever walked by, looked at me and said, “Hey there Jim, how would you like to come work for me (at a place to which I never applied) at such and such a place for a randomly large sum of money?” I’m afraid I might be tempted… for a second or two anyway.
I remember last year we were worried about how well Fahlin would handle the heat. She had not done very well during the summer and you could tell it was dangerous for her to be in the heat. It’s hot here, but it’s even hotter in Florida.
She is so excited this time. She has come a long way since last year. The surgery, the stent, the aspirin regimen; all have helped immensely. So, naturally, we too are excited. Excited to see how she does this year. Excited to see how much fun she will have frolicking in the water. Excited.
So off we go to Tampa, where we will visit my daughter and her husband, our grandbaby, the girls’ nephew. Poor kid, they treat him like piñata. Or better yet, like an old Stretch Armstrong. He loves the girls, but let’s face it, they will definitely have to fight Grandma (AKA Yoley). I, of course will lay back and wait for the right moment to pounce and take over. I am sooooo looking forward to the visit, Tampa, the beach, all of it.
But really, I don’t know who is more excited, me or her? I am only sort of dreading the ten-hour drive, but other than that, (did I already say?) I am sooooo looking forward to Florida. You know how these trips go, everyone wakes up early, hops into the car and goes back to sleep while Dad drives. Look out panhandle; here we come! Man, it will be epically awesome. Hopefully there will be some great Fahlin stories to tell…
July 12, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 14 2016 1:00 AM
Fahlin’s burps. Fahlin has learned how to burp. Fahlin burps. Fahlin burps a lot. Where she learned how to burp, I am not quite exactly sure. It has been going on now for a couple of weeks. I discovered her burping quite innocently. She came up to be and said she could burp the ABC’s, which she proceeded to do.
“That’s great, Fahlin,” I said. I guess that statement was a big mistake. Confirmation that burping was some sort of acceptable, spoken form of language. Anyway, I think we have created a burp monster. Even now, as I type, she is standing right beside me watching Transylvania 2, and you guessed it, burping.
“Fahlin, are you…burping?”
She looked at me and just smiled. My wife will look at her and tell her to stop burping, and she will, for a while. Then, it starts back up again.
Random burping on the couch,
Random burping in the car,
Random burping here and there,
Random burping near and far.
Burping in the living room,
The bathroom and the hall,
She does her burping everywhere,
In front of one and all.
Fahlin’s burping in a boat,
Fahlin’s burping in a moat,
Fahlin’s burping as she walks,
Fahlin’s burping as she talks…(well burps)
Okay, I’ll stop.
Sorry, my inner ‘Dr. Seuss’ just came out. So for now, we are living with a strange burping sound somewhere in the background and the sound of a little girl’s Mom saying, “Fahlin, stop burping!” or “Fahlin, it’s not nice to burp all the time,” or, well, you get the picture. Perhaps it’s just a phase. If not, that’s okay too; it would sure solve the dating problem later on.
“Keep burping, Fahlin, Keep on burping!”
July 8, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 11 2016 1:00 AM
I have yet to figure our Fahl Fahl yet. Oh sure, the cute factor works in her favor and I am certain we treat her as well as the other ‘littles’ differently than we did our grown up children. But her personality characteristics are hilarious even when they’re not really funny and need to be dealt with. I don’t know if she is being herself or mimicking her sister Abby (I wonder if she’s reading this blog). Abby sure has a full range of emotions and personality traits, that’s for sure.
But, the trait I love the most is her willingness to help when she really wants to help. Sometimes she helps begrudgingly, but most of the time she has a willing heart. It’s in those moments the ‘China’ comes out in her. I will explain what I mean. Being on the cruise ship reminded my wife and I of being in a five star hotel and restaurant in China. Every time we turned around, an employee on the ship would say hello, or ask us if we needed our glass refilled, or if there was anything else we needed. The staff in these five star establishments in China are very similar, quick to serve and very thorough in their service. And there is more help than we are accustomed to. Servers and bussers everywhere. It’s almost as if you want to say, “Stop asking us stuff!” But we don’t because it’s really fun to feel important. Service at its very finest. Fahlin is very much like this.
So Izzy and I returned from a swim meet in Louisville (she was not happy with her performance), and of course, there were chores to do. I rushed right out, got the gas can filled, put some in the mower and mowed. But when I finished and came in the house, there was Fahlin at the sink, washing ears of corn. I watched. She was totally into it as she washed and washed and washed and scrubbed each ear meticulously.
“What are you doing, Fahl, washing the corn?”
“Uh huh. Mom showed me how to do the first one and I did all of these all by myself,” she said, proudly.
She was as proud and happy as she could be. So now it’s off to the grill. Hamburgers, sweet corn, chips, my special dip (I keep saying that someday I’m going to bring my line of ‘Jim’s Dips and Gravies’ to market); it’s going to be a great dinner. If only now we can get Fahlin to stop her one, new annoying habit…Burping. I feel a blog coming on.
July 4, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jul 5 2016 1:00 AM
Back home from Alaska. It was apparent that Fahlin was starting to get a little nervous about her parents not coming home. Poor thing. Abby said she was acting weird. Weird usually means an ‘orphan abandonment’ thought has crept into her thought process. I will never know what that is like. None of us who grew up with our parents ever will. It has got to be troubling for her. I cannot imagine what was going through her mind. Remember, she has only been home a little over a year. A lot has happened in her short time she has been with us. It was a big concern of ours, leaving her for a week. The others we were not too concerned with. We knew they could handle it. But Fahlin was the wildcard. It turns out; we were gone maybe one day too many days for her taste.
When we did get home Saturday night, it was very late. We went from room to room kissing each of the girls, but no Fahlin. Guess who was in our bed? She was smack in the middle, asleep…waiting. Of course, we left her there. My wife and I were so wound up we couldn’t sleep. As we lay there, she began to giggle in her sleep. We knew she was dreaming happy thoughts. Obviously about her Mom and Dad coming home. The next morning, she couldn’t remember what she was dreaming about.
What she was was funny. She didn’t know whom to go to first. Who to hug, whom to cuddle with (not sure why spell check changed one who to whom and not the other). It was good to see her excited…and obviously she was relieved we were home. When we brought out the gifts, she was excited, as were all the girls. Of course, while on the trip you look for something cool, but end up with t-shirts for everyone. They were cute and the girls loved them. They are wearing them at this very moment.
So now, it’s back to the summertime routine for us. The girls were still doing what they do. It’s Yo and I who have to re-acclimate. The jet lag has hit. It’s not too bad for me as I type, but Yolanda has had a relapse. She’s not feeling too well. Anyway, it’s onward and upward. More swim meets, some down time then family vacation time to Florida. We’re home! I glad.
June 30, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 30 2016 1:00 AM
…Sorry for the gap…I’ve been in Alaska, a place of incredible beauty, magnificent scenery and no Wifi or Internet…Thank you Jesus…for all of that.
I wonder what Fahlin is up to? I wonder what Izzy is doing right now? How about Lydia and Jayne? And what about my daughter Bethany? How is she holding up? Nashy? I hope he is still in one piece after being tugged in so may directions by his Aunts. Yes, my wife and I are smack in the middle of our Alaskan cruise and I am worried about our kids back home.
We left Vancouver on the Nieuw Amsterdam (Holland America) about thirty hours ago. The scenery is breathtaking. God is a magnificent creator. You know He is real when you just look out over the balcony. Awesome. We just entered Alaskan waters last night, which meant yet another time change so now we are three hours behind Nashville. Not only do the days run together on a cruise, we are in Alaska, which means it is basically daylight all the time, which also means you never really know what day it is; so much so that the cruise line changes the floor rugs in the elevator each day. Why, you may ask? The floor rug has the day of the week on it nice, large fancy letters…problem solved.
We have also been without cellular service or the Internet (when did the word Internet become a proper noun? Spell check keeps capitalizing it), which I must say is kind of nice. Not having to repeat questions or statements to someone who says they’re listening, but are really distracted by their hand held device is, I must say, pretty nice. But for a small fee of something like bazillion bucks, you get the Internet 27/7. We passed. We’re on Vaca. Plus, we don’t have a bazillion bucks. We will have service in Juneau, Alaska, population as of the ’08 census, 30,000 (probably a little higher now). That is where we will try to catch up with the girls. With the three-hour time difference, their day will be half over as ours just gets started.
For those of you wondering, yes we have already seen Whales, several in fact. We have already seen Dolphins too, hundreds of them. But today we will get a close up look on our Whale watching excursion. Cannot wait! And as for the sun, it rises at about 3:00 AM and sets at 11:30 PM. It never really gets dark. And it actually seems like it’s rising and setting on the same horizon. Crazy.
[Note: We saw four Whales plus a baby whale. We were within a hundred yards]
But there was curveball thrown at me on this trip. I noticed yesterday that the commode water was pink after going to the bathroom. “Hey, Yolanda, come look at this. I think they put some sort of cool chemical in the toilet water.”
“That’s not a chemical Jim, It’s blood.”
Well, one thing you may not know about me it stuff like that causes me to instantly panic. Apparently, after much discussion and remembering the events of the past week, my Respiratory Therapist wife and our Registered Nurse sister-in-law’s diagnosis was that I had passed a kidney stone (my first ever, by the way). May I just say OUCH! Anyway, a few days ago my lower back ached, which it never does, and I was hurting in a place that I don’t normally hurt. I just figured I pulled something while working out. I guess I now know what to look for if it ever happens again.
‘At any rate,’ (I am paying homage to Tom, our bus driver who took us to and from the Whale watching excursion. It was his catch phrase). This trip has been amazing. It’s taken me three or four days to get over the guilt of leaving the girls. The Alaskan landscape is breathtaking to be sure. Glaciers? Are you serious? They were the highlight of the trip. They actually DO cry out as the verse says, “…Even the rocks would cry out…” They make these loud; cracking noises that almost sound like thunder or explosions. Awesome, awesome, awesome! God’s majestic creation cries out to us all… “I am the Creator, the one who put ALL things in motion, the God of the universe…See me, hear me, experience me!” On this trip, I have. I cant wait, though, to get back home and tell the girls all about it.
June 24, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 28 2016 1:00 AM
As I write this, my wife and I are preparing for an early morning flight to Alaska. Well, Vancouver, to be exact, where we depart on weeklong cruise the great white wilderness. Alaska is the only state to which I have never been. For that matter, It will be our first cruise ever. Fun, I hope.
Our daughter Bethany flew in today to watch the girls. We figured between the two of them, Abby included, they could handle it. We’ll see. There’s a big long course swim meet for Izzy and Lydia this weekend. That starts things off with a bang. On top of that, Nashy is here too. Oh you should see the girls. They couldn’t wait to get their hands on their nephew. They’ve been ‘Dibsing’ him all afternoon, fighting over him, and definitely over stimulating him. Poor kid. He’s got a week of this.
“The kids will be fine…” I keep telling myself. Of course, my daughters in charge are twenty-five and twenty-three respectively. They are adults. Bethany even has a child. What happened? How did this occur without me knowing? Ahhhhhhh! Anyway, the girls are in good hands, I know.
Swim meet, swim practices, another swim meet, more practices and that’s just the mornings. There’s food to be fixed, snacks to be packed, towels to dry, and a baby to watch on top of all that. Sound like a fun week. It will be good for the big girls to see what ‘real’ parenting is all about (I’ve always said your not a real parent until you have the third child). It will be good for the little girls to be with their big sisters and let’s not forget Nash. As I write I see images of house in total chaos. Noise everywhere. Kids everywhere. Stuff everywhere. Clothes everywhere. Dishes everywhere. That’s probably not going to happen but it wouldn’t surprise me if it did. This experience will either inspire my daughters to have large families or stick with one. Haha.
So it’s off to Vancouver, then Alaska. Have fun girls…
June 22, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 22 2016 1:00 AM
Fahlin’s next big adventure us happening as I write this. It’s back to the dentist’s office. Of course, this is a day my wife works. I thought it was going to be a simple, routine visit, but nooooo, nothing can ever be that easy in the Chapman household. Turns, out, Fahlin has two cavities that need filled, plus she has this one front tooth that has anchored itself into her gum and just won’t come no matter how hard we tug and despite the fact that the other two front teeth have already grown in. I’m pretty sure Doctor Alex at Brentwood Pediatric Dental Specialists will jerk that thing right out!
With Fahlin’s heart condition the way it is, every time she has a dental procedure she has to take a pre-dose of antibiotics. I’m pretty sure it’s a precaution to prevent any type of infection setting in that may or may not affect her heart. Better safe than sorry.
Speaking of Doctor Alex, she has got to be, by far, the greatest practicing dentist alive. Every time I am around her I am impressed. She is loving, caring and concerned about Fahlin. I’m sure she is about all her patients, but I can tell that Fahlin has captured a piece of her heart. Sometimes you just know these things. I couldn’t imagine Fahlin being anywhere else for her dental care.
Wait, what!!?!! I cannot go back with her? What is this? Oh no! I guess I do remember they don’t let us back there with our kids. So now I’m just sitting out here in the lobby with Izzy, typing away. Good thing I packed myself a lunch. A Peanut butter, honey and oatmeal sandwich and an apple. A Honey Crisp (I like mine with salt, but no salt today). All I know is they said, “It’s going to be a while.” Great.
…Waiting mode…
“Fahlin’s Dad or Mom…” Came the announcement. I walked up to see what was up. “That will be $146.00,” or some such amount. I go back and sit down.
“Fahlin’s Dad…” Again came an announcement. “Do you want Fahlin to have ‘Happy Gas’?”
“Yes, if she’s familiar with that.” She was. I sat down.
“Fahlin’s Dad again.”
“There’s a loose front baby tooth….”
I interrupted, “Yes!” They pulled it. I sure hope I have time to go to he bathroom before they call for me again.
“Fahlin’s Dad?” As I was washing my hands.
“Yes?” I answered.
“She’s finished. She’ll be out in a minute.”
Next thing I knew, there she was, all woozie from the ‘Happy Gas.’ She was bit unstable and still a little a goofy. Hilarious. So we walked out to the car and headed to the pool (where else?). Our adventurous day at the dentist was complete…and a huge success. I never did see Doctor Alex.
June 19, 2016
Jun 19 2016 1:00 AM
I thought during summertime it would be hard to come up with topics for the blog. It hasn’t so far. As I write this, Fahlin’s big sister, Izzy is in the air headed back to Nashville from Dallas. She spent a week with her youth pastor brother, Canaan in New Mexico at youth camp. We have been planning this for three years, since he became the high school student minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church. Talk about something out of Izzy’s comfort zone…man. This was way outside. Way, way outside.
But she was trooper. Didn’t know a soul. Not one person. There were ‘only’ fourteen busloads of kids. What kind of crazy-ness is that? Who in their right mind would take a thousand kids to a camp? Canaan put her in a cabin with girls he said, “Were the best.” I know there were activities she liked, others she wanted no part of, like Zip-lining off a four-story tower. Izzy is not a late night kid, so the late night worship and activities I’m sure wore her out. She seemed to have fun. I think.
I’m anxious to talk with her about her week. But if I know Izzy, finding out information about camp will be a difficult task, as Izzy is not one to go on and on about something. Of course the biggest reason for camp aside from spending time with her brother was to provide an opportunity for Izzy to deepen her relationship with Jesus. That is what it is all about. That is what everything is all about.
So my conversation with Izzy went very well. We asked about the food, the activities, the flight, the time with her brother; to which she was very forthcoming with her answers. I asked her if she would like to do it again…crickets. I think she is thinking about it.
As a father, especially on this Father’s Day, I know that each of my girls mean so much to me. I’m glad I’m their father; in fact I would even call it honored. I remember when Bethany left, when we took Abby to college, it was hard on me. I know this, I missed Izzy terribly. I was teary-eyed every night. I can’t imagine what I’ll be like when she heads off to college. A blubbering idiot, I suppose. I’m pretty sure. Anyway, I’m glad she’s home. And for the record, when I asked Fahlin if she was glad if her sister Izzy was home, she said, “Yes, yes, yes!” Yes.
June 16, 2016
Jun 19 2016 1:00 AM
The MRI is complete. Fahlin was a superstar. The radiology staff at Vanderbilt was amazed at how well she did. They said that she was the only seven year old they have ever seen do the MRI without sedation. They could not praise her enough. Way to go Fahl Fahl!
So I asked her to tell me about it. “The scary part was the IV. Everything else was good.” She smiled. Obviously, my wife’s preparation techniques prepared her better than expected. I can see it now, Yolanda starting her own ‘MRI Preparedness Class.’ That nylon tube is now more than just a baby’s toy; it’s a makeshift MRI tube. It really did work. Fahlin knew exactly what was coming and it didn’t even bother her.
As for the information they gleaned, we won’t really know for about another two weeks what it is they will have found out by then. I’m pretty interested as you could imagine. There was a cardiologist on hand to make sure they were getting the pictures they needed. He told us that once they gathered all the images, the staff would look at them together and come up with a consensus as to what is going on with Fahlin’s heart.
I continue to be amazed by this little girl. Today when she was telling me about everything I just wanted to pick her up, squeeze her and hold on to her. She was cute, vibrant, energetic, animated. What an amazing transformation we have seen from that little, frail, scared, purple child. No longer purple, scared, frail or little, well she is still sort of little, but now she is so…ALIVE. You know, the Bible tells us that we… “Entertain Angels unaware…” I remember when Izzy was little, about nine maybe, and we were having a conversation one night at bedtime about Angels. She said, “Dad, what if I’m an Angel?” I froze. A chill ran up my spine. The way she said it…What if? So I wonder (a lot and often) about each of my girls. What if? What if they are ALL Angels? I mean real Angelic beings, not the “Oh you’re such a cute little angel,” lower case ‘a’ type. That would explain a lot. Talk about pressure! Living in a house full of Angels? Great, now I’ll be thinking about whether they are really Angels or not…What if?
June 15, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 15 2016 1:00 AM
Tomorrow is Fahlin’s cardiac MRI. I am always nervous about anything that puts Fahl Fahl in an uncomfortable situation. She’s had a tough beginning to her life, been through a lot already and I worry about her. Although the MRI is not an invasive procedure, it’s still unfamiliar.
So my wife, you know the one who gets onto me about not wiping down counters, or putting things in the dishwasher that haven’t been rinsed or putting things way up high on top of the cupboards where only I can reach them; came up with an ingenious way to prepare Fahlin for the MRI. [Sorry about that slight digression, but I had just received my latest lecture so it was fresh on my mind. Sure am glad we are going on that marriage enrichment cruise to Alaska in about a week]
We have one of those nylon tubes that babies crawl through. It’s approximately the same size as an actual MRI My wife downloaded the MRI ‘sounds’ from the Internet. Fahlin crawls into the tube, lies down on her back, puts in her ear-buds with Taylor Swift playing; Yolanda cranks the MRI sounds as Fahlin lies there for ten or fifteen minutes in preparation for the tomorrow’s event. I think the plan is brilliant and Fahlin does a wonderful job of just lying there. It’s actually quite cute.
Tomorrow will be different however. She gets noticeably quiet when she walks into the hospital. Can’t say I blame her. Even though she knows she knows she feels better, the hospital, I’m sure is associated with pain and discomfort. It’s our job as parents as you well know, to comfort and reassure our kids when something like this happens. So we prepare as best we can. Fahlin does not seem to be as worried as I am. She is such a trooper. I think she is ready to go, thanks to her Mom.
After tomorrow, the doctors will have a clearer picture of what is going on with her heart and the healing/growing part of her treatment. They will know exactly what her heart looks like. It will be interesting, for sure to find out about what they find out through the MRI. Thank you for your Fahlin prayers.
June 11, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 11 2016 1:00 AM
Last night, Fahlin’s big sister, Izzy, whom we adopted in 2001, was finishing up her packing for church camp. We have been planning this day for going on three years. Her big brother, Canaan, is the high school Student’s Minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas. It’s a small little congregation of 30,000 members. So you can imagine how big the youth group might be?
Anyway, this is the first time Izzy has ever done anything like this. Although she has flown a lot, this will be the first time BY HERSELF. She will be flying to Dallas, where her brother and sister-in law, Ami will pick her up. Then, late Saturday night, she will board one of the buses (there will be a fleet of them for the nearly one thousand kids that will be attending camp – crazy), and head to New Mexico for camp. I still cannot believe we are doing this. But I know she will be in good hands with my son and his wife and besides, it will be a great experience. I remember when I was Izzy’s age and went our church’s camp. It is where I decided to commit my life to Jesus. So I know the importance of church camp.
While we were packing, however, Fahlin and Jayne were hanging out and getting in the way of everything. Cute. So I asked Fahlin, “Do you remember when we brought you home and how we put you in the suitcase?” There was a long. Awkward pause. The look on her face was priceless as she tried to process what I had just asked her
“No.”
“You’re right, Fahlin, we didn’t really put you in a suitcase to bring you home…Hey, Jayne…”
I asked Jayne the same thing. Once again, processing, then, “No you didn’t.”
“That’s right Jayne, we would never do anything like that.”
So after all the fun bantering with the ‘littles’ the packing continued. Izzy is so funny. I cannot tell if she is nervous, excited, anxious or what. Izzy has always kept her emotions under wraps. She’s cute that way. I lover her and I am so excited she has this opportunity. I know her brother will put her in a cabin with good girls, I know he will take good care of her, of that I have no doubt. So have fun Izzy. I miss you already.
In the mean time, the rest of us will be heading to Uncle Steve’s and Aunt Mary Beth’s for a few hours today. The little girls have been looking forward to this. They had to wait ‘til she got back from Hawaii. But now that she’s back, here we come. I’m sure there will be another blog that comes from this little excursion. Stay tuned…
June 7, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 8 2016 1:00 AM
A couple random thoughts on some Fahl Fahl things. At the swim meet today, as I was watching the various races, and on more than one occasion, someone would walk up to me and make a comment about good Fahlin was looking. They remembered last year when she was sickly, blue and skinny. Now, after a year of treatment and one major surgery, she is noticeably healthier to those who may have not seen her since last July. To be honest, last year she was miserable at swim meets. She literally could not handle the heat. She would breathe hard, pant; her heart would work so hard to cool her body she would turn a deep shade of bluish-purple. We would have to get to a cool room or leave her home (not by herself, of course), or with her Aunt Mary Beth. This year it’s different…way different. She has made friends and continues to make new ones. She is quite social. She loves the swimmers. Big ones, small ones, her age, older, it doesn’t matter. She makes friends. The only thing we really have to do is remind her to drink water. Other than that, she’s doing much better this summer.
We also do a lot of running around in the summer, you know, catching up on all the things we should have taken care of during the school year, but were too busy to do. The girls will often listen to our front seat conversations, unbeknownst to us, but after eight kids, you would have thought we would have learned.
“Awwww, Dad, you said the ‘S’ word!” from the back seat. “We’re not allowed to say the ‘S’ word at school.”
“What ‘S’ word is that?”
“We’re not allowed to say it.”
‘Do you mean ‘stupid?’” I ask, referring to my use of the word while driving on stupid Concord Road, which has been under construction for three long, inconvenient and annoyingly stupid years to supposedly help the traffic flow which has turned out to be a stupid waste of time because they only built three stupid lanes and a stupid SIDEWALK, which won’t alleviate ANY traffic at all, because during the three stupid years of inconvenience, a thousand or two new homes have been built which has added to the traffic problem they were supposedly trying to fix in the first place but didn’t because they only built three stupid lanes. Did I mention the whole thing is stupid?
“Awwww, you said the ‘D’ word!”
The ‘D’ word?” I ask, innocently enough. For the record, I don’t cuss or swear, ever, although I may have wanted to on an occasion or two. I do remember a time when was in about the third grade and I threw a ball that got stuck in a “D[arn]” tree. I ran right into the house and immediately told on myself. I was sent to my room without supper and that was that! Just like that!
The ‘D’ word the girls were referring to was my use of the word “dumb” while referring to the dumb construction on dumb Concord Road and how dumb it is that it has gone on so long yet nothing is going to change because they are only building three dumb lanes and a sidewal…oh wait, this rant sounds familiar.
So from Fahlin doing so well this summer to the pointing out of my misuse of a couple un-allowable words, this summer is serving as reminder…a reminder of haw far one little girl has come and how far she has yet to go…on some dumb, stupid road.
June 4, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 5 2016 1:00 AM
Bear with me. Today is Peili Engle’s birthday. She would have been six. Three years ago, our friends, Sarah and Adam Engle went to China to pick up their daughter, a little girl with a serious but fixable heart condition. It was February of 2013.
I remember when they came to us to talk about adopting and how they were thinking of going to China. Their friends, the Hamilton’s had adopted a whole slew of children and since they had been around adoptive families, they too began thinking about adopting. When they approached us, the conversation turned to ‘special needs.’ Special needs adoptions are usually mush faster, the process is quicker and you can actually select how minor or serious the special need actually is you as a family would be willing to take on. Some families have adopted children in wheelchairs, some have adopted Down’s syndrome children, others with Cerebral Palsy, and still others have adopted heart babies. I have met some of these families. They are pretty phenomenal. No, they’re not ‘pretty’ phenomenal; they ARE phenomenal.
We helped convince them that a heart baby would be a good fit for their family. In fact, they had settled on a little girl who looked remarkably like Adam. It was uncanny, the resemblance. The fact that she had a heart issue was a big concern, but we helped convince them that she would be here in Nashville where some of the world’s foremost heart doctors live and work. She would be fine. She would have the greatest care at the greatest children’s hospital by the best doctors.
They took a chance on this little girl and named her Peili. She came home in February. Cute as cute could be. Like Fahlin (remember, this all happened three years ago), she was an interesting shade of bluish-purple. In May, just three months after she got home, she had surgery on her heart. I remember sitting in the waiting room at Vandy with the Engle’s when the doctor came out. The surgery had gone well. But then something happened. Her heart just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to doing. The doctor came out again. He drew a picture of what he had done and what the heart was supposed to be doing. He didn’t understand why the heart was not doing what it was supposed to now be doing.
The next few weeks were strenuous on the Engle family. The recovery was long and difficult. In fact, another friend of ours, Marla Hastings and her husband Dwayne had also adopted a little boy with a similar heart condition, Hudson. He was in the hospital at the same time getting a similar procedure. He had already gone home. Peili struggled.
She was finally released from the hospital. She got to go home. The next day, Sarah and Peili, along with one or two of the boys (I can’t remember how many of the boys were with them) were leaving to run errands. She got strapped in her car seat. As they started to back out, one of the boys said, “Mom, something’s not right with Peili!” She passed away before the ambulance could arrive.
Having had a family for such a brief time is no solace to the Engle’s. She was buried near Maria, about one row over. I spoke at the funeral. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. How does a family recover from that? But by the grace of God. I know, I see it daily with my sister, and when I see the Engle boys, or Adam, or Sarah, my heart still breaks.
When we were considering adopting Fahlin, the Engle’s were on our minds. The Hasting’s were on our minds. Maria was on our minds. We were staring at the same potential reality. Now, three years later, we have a daughter who has had one heart surgery, facing another. Days like this remind me to pray for those who have lost little ones and are hurting. It also reminds me that each and every day we have with our kids is a blessing. That gets said a lot, but it is so true.
While questions still abound, like, why Maria? Why Peili? Why is Fahlin the lone survivor out of a thousand similar children? Only God knows the answers. Easy to say, hard to wrap our brains around sometimes. The adoption world is small and each story unique and in many ways, intertwined. Through the tragic stories and those not so tragic, the adoption community feels them all. But God is God is God is God, and I am not. He knows best. Of that I am certain.
Happy Birthday Peili.
June 3, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 5 2016 1:00 AM
A big thank you to my friend Barbara. She knew I could I use a little assistance with the ‘littles’ while Yolanda was in Tampa and next thing I know, she swooped right in and took them off my hands for an hour or so. At the time, Fahl Fahl was a grumpy butt, and I warned Barbara, but the next I know I’m getting a text that “She is not.” That little stinker. The littlest things can mean so much. And the girls made a new friend in “Ms. Barbara.” They have even asked if they could hang out with her again. Beware Barbara! Every little or seemingly minor contribution to helping someone can add up to equaling a HUGE help. We have had so many people offer to help, but if you’re like us, it feels weird to accept help.
A simple thank you all is not enough. I’ve often wondered what I would do if I won the lottery. First, I would write a very large check to my sister’s foundation, then, well, be advised, I’m making mental notes as to whose homes I am secretly going to pay off someday (most likely not, but you never know), or who is in need of new car because theirs has 200,000 miles on it. “I’m watching Wyzowski, always watching…” [Quote courtesy of Monsters Inc.]. In the meantime, my wife and I in our own little way have looked for ways to pay forward all the kindness you’ve shown us. Little things.
While writing this, though, something…I’m not sure how to describe what happened…happened. It was Fahlin. She looked at my computer and happened to see the picture of Maria’s Big House on my desktop. I keep it there as reminder to pray, as well as a reminder as to how far our girls have come and in particular, Fahlin. After all, that was her home for nearly six years.
I was behind her; she was leaning on me. Whenever you are behind someone, you can really see a person’s vulnerability. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. You see things from nearly the same perspective. I often try to figure our what someone may be thinking. I could tell something struck a chord with Fahlin. “Can I look at that, Daddy?” She asked?
I pulled up several images of Maria’s Big House. Did you know if you Google search it, 1.7 million sites pop up? Wow. She was quiet. I asked her if knew what that place was. She nodded. I asked her if she remembered the people there, or her friends. She was still very quiet. What was she thinking? It was quite sobering to me. I choked back my tears as I squeezed her a little tighter and lifted up a prayer of gratitude for Fahlin; for her health, her wellbeing, for the blessing she has become to those involved in her life. After all, it was not even a year and a half ago she came home to be with us, her forever family. My, how far she has come.
I don’t know what was going through her mind at that moment, but she didn’t seem to want to let it go. So we just looked at the picture some more. I showed her where her room was when she was near death (I told her that was her room when she was very sick). And as she got older, I explained how she moved to different floors and finally to the first floor where she helped with the little babies. I still don’t think she realizes how sick she was or is still. Some day, though, maybe she will. Some day we would like to return to Maria’s with Fahlin, so the people there can see her and so she can see where she came from. Maria’s Big House played a significant part in Fahlin’s healing. Now maybe, she, too can pay it forward some day.
June 1, 2016
Jim Chapman
Jun 1 2016 1:00 AM
In case you have been wondering, Fahlin’s MRI has been re-scheduled for the16th.
Now, on to today’s blog. The end of the year transition to summer is always a bit confusing. Figuring out schedules; who needs to be where, who’s doing what when always takes a little time for me to figure out. It doesn’t help that this is the week my wife decided to go to Tampa to help Bethany and Adam get settled into their new home. You and I both know that was only the pretense. She really only wanted to get her hands on the grandbaby.
Oh how far I have fallen down the pecking order. I remember when my wife, then girlfriend couldn’t wait to be with me let alone keep her hands off of me. By the time child number four rolled out and our initial quota was met, I became an immediate afterthought. That’s okay, though, as I have grown and matured into manhood, I have come to realize it is our lot in life.
Add to that another four children to the brood, those with sad backstories and medical needs and you can see how much further into the pit of non-importantness I have tumbled.
You know what? It is all right with me. I love being Yolanda’s husband most of the time. I love being the father to eight children. I’m like a Geico commercial… “It’s what I do!” But Yolanda, did you have to go THIS week? I’m only one man. So, since it is only me; here is my day that is about to occur (by the way, Abby is around, except she coaches her own team is never home when I really need her):
So, I need to get up at 5:20, fix breakfasts for everyone before we head out at 6:00 to get Izzy, my senior level, ‘two-a-days’ swimmer to her first practice at 6:30 before heading to my Nolensville Hurricane practice, where two of the ‘littles’ practice, which starts at 7:00. At 10:00, when it is over, we are heading to our friend’s, Doc Thomas’s office so he can look at Izzy’s shoulder (it’s been bothering her a bit). After that, I’ll take the girls out to lunch, then hit the bookstore to pick up summer reading books and then as a special treat, Jayne gets to take her life’s savings to the used music instrument store so she can buy a guitar. You would think her Uncle Steve would hook her up…hahaha, but he is in Hawaii. [In my best napoleon Dynamite voice] Luckeeee!
Hopefully this all goes off without a hitch. The key is little Fahl Fahl. If she wakes up happy, all will be good, if not, it gets real difficult real fast. Oh well, suck it up Chapman! Be the great Dad you always are… and “git-r-done!”
I wish Yo were here…
May 27, 2016
May 27 2016 1:00 AM
Whenever anyone who has not seen Fahlin in awhile, sees her, there almost unanimous response is, “I did not even recognize her,” or “Is that Fahlin?” She looks so good, so healthy. We see her every day, so we, I guess, have begun to take for granted how good she is doing. For example, the other day we saw Uncle David who was with us on the trip to China to get her and who we have seen off and on since then and his first words were, “Oh my gosh, it took me awhile to figure out who she was!” He was amazed, as is pretty much anyone who comes into contact with her.
So my wife (whom I love…just had to say that) and I have been discussing adoptions in general, and in particular little Chinese children. One of the most important aspects to adoptions and to the overall heath of these little girls is LOVE. It is amazing the difference love makes. When families see the first referral